If youve gone through a life time of pain, trauma, victimization & abuse, & today because of it you have?

Question

bordeline personality disorder, and im full of bitterness rage and anger and resentment.....will people now see me as a lost cause, see me as a write off, a person to feel sorry for, and theyll reject me?
is this the reaction i should start to predict and expect from people and society as a whole, because they dont understand? and there minds will only be able to comprehend so much, and theyll instinctively distance themselves from a person like me?
im 30 now

(i hope you can read every word of this question, take it in, and understand 'thoroughly' what im saying)

Answer 1

I hope that you will be able to believe me when I say you are not a write off and you do not need to look forward to a life-time of rejection. However, to make your life less susceptible to such pain and rejection, you will need to do some work in a therapeutic context. It doesn't seem fair, I know, because it wasn't your fault that you suffered pain, trauma, victimisation and abuse, but there isn't any way to improve things without some effort on your own behalf - and at times it will be tough.

When a child suffers difficulties, they will develop ways of handling life which make it possible for them to survive in the context they're in but may cause them problems later in life. This isn't the way it's meant to be - human psychological development goes the way it should when there are adults around who love, understand, empathise with and care for the child reasonably well most of the time. The patterns of thought and behaviour which we describe as borderline personality disorder develop in response to things not being right in particular ways, impacting on particular sensitive and thoughtful young children.

There has been a lot of work with psychotherapeutic groups for people with the various 'ways of being' described as borderline personality disorder. Individual psychotherapy can also be helpful. From your spelling of 'victimization' I am guessing you are in the US. I don't know much about how these things are available there, but I'd google "therapeutic community" and see what you can find.

I very much hope you find a way to help yourself. You might also like to look at the website http://www.borderlineuk.co.uk which has useful info.

Answer 2

If I were to sit down and collect all of the things that have happened to me over my lifetime, I'd probably wonder why I'm so happy and content. Let's see-my father and grandfather abused me. I married a wife beater-been raped by 4 Hell's Angels-had a brain anuerism-3 major surgeries-not counting the anuerism-had to retire early because of the residual damage done by the surgery. Had to ride the buses for 8 years because I owed the IRS $12,000. I'm a retired psychiatric nurse but I never realized that all of the trauma I've endured could lead to a psychiatric diagnosis. I found that bitterness and rage only did me harm. I hope you're able to see your way clear to getting better and getting on with life. It's really wonderful.

Answer 3

If you let people know that you feel sorry for yourself then they probably will treat you as a lost cause. Sounds like you've had a horrible time of it,but now that you're thirty maybe you try and find some help. You still have so much of your life ahead of you it would be a shame to waste it. I think that expecting a reaction like that will only make you avoid people and cause you to have more anger inside. I understand what you feel because I feel the same way-however I made the choice to get myself better. Its scary and sometimes I feel like I cant be bothered but I know I'll appreciate it in the long run.
Good Luck!

Answer 4

I was harrassed from 1-7 grade and starting biting myself at age 10 and cutting a couple months ago, but have not for 9 weeks and been depressed for 61/2 months, so b/c of all this I have bordeline personality disorder and I am also treated like a freak at school.

Answer 5

You need to give other people a chance to get to know the real you. There will always be people that you meet that don't make an effort to get to know you and "write you off". Other people will accept you for who you are and they are the people you really want to keep as friends!

We all have "faults"; no-body's perfect. Try not to be too hard on yourself. It sounds like you've had a hard life but you're still here, and I think that takes courage and great strength, so pat yourself on the back and give yourself a bit of credit! That alone sounds to me like someone I'd like to get to know! People may reject you; we all get rejected throughout our lives no matter who we are. Be grateful for those rejections because those people have saved you a lot of time and effort just to find out that THEY are the ones that aren't worth it.

As for your bitterness, rage, anger & resentment - let it go. I know it's easy for me to say because I haven't been through what you have. I have been through a lot of cr@p from other people throughout my whole life and it has taken me years and years to finally be able to forgive and let go. Just ask yourself, what do YOU get out of holding this rage against the people that have "wronged" you? As long as you hold on to this resentment these people still have control over you. You don't have to forget or trust these people but if you just let it go (as hard as it is) it will make you SO much more powerful.

Take it one step at a time. I wish you all the best.

Answer 6

i no exactly how you feel and i no how hard it is. what you need to do is focus all your energy, good and bad, into something fun, once you have something to focus on you will feel better and less angry. i focusd all my energy into loosing weight. if you get up in the morning ready to focus you wont have time to dwell on all the bad things and as you reach the goal you focused towards you will fell happy and content. you will forget all the bad thoughts that you had.
some people may reject you at the beginiing but thats not worth dwelling on as it will only make you feel worse. there will be some people out there that can see past the anger and bitterness and want to be with you. you need to foucus on them and focua all your nicness into them. it may take a while but if you focus on all the good things and try your hardest to foget the bad then people will be drawn to you. i spent my whole time at high school and primary school building up a hate for all people because they rejected me and i eneded up thinking that ther was no point in even living as no body would ever like me. but then i realized it was my own thoughts that were bringing me down the most.

and its true some people may reject you as they dont understand and cant comprihend, but you dont need to even bother thinking about those people becasue they see the world in a shallow and selfish way.

and 30 is still quite young. you have pleanty of time to build up a life where your happy and accepted. you just need focus :)

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Answer 7

I too have BPD and have had hard times in my past. I've lost people who said they were my friends, but I guess when it came down to it they weren't really. I've also managed to talk to a few very good friends who although don't know exactly how I feel are very empathetic.

The one thing I've learned in order to cope with my illness ( I also suffer from severe ongoing depression and dissociation) is to take it one day at a time, do what you can to the best of your ability and don't worry about what you can't do. I no longer bother about what society thinks of me, I'm my own person and i live my life accordingly. Those who really matter to you will still be there for you.

Answer 8

People will only treat you as you act.. You need to get help, and therapy, and work thru all the crap you have gone thru in your life.. sounds like you have a lot to get thru, so the sooner the better on getting to work on it.. people will only take your lead as how to treat you.. if you are down, or mean, or distant from people that is how they are going to treat you. If you have truly worked on your problems and are a happy person for the most part, and have a job, and go out and have a good time, and then people will like you and want to be around you, but if you shut yourself away, they do not have a chance to get to know you.. If you have not gotten all your problems worked out , please go and do so, you are to young to be in so much pain !! You are worth it to get your life back and have some fun.. make new friends, and have a good life..

Answer 9

I grew up in a household with a mentally ill addicted step-parent who was abusive. There were frequent fights between my parents that raged for days. I'd hide in my room with my stomach hurting from the stress. I could frequently hear him hitting my mom and he even broke every single thing in my older sister's room during a rage, one time. My mother stupidly stayed with him...... until he commited suicide when I was 13. He left us in debt (his business debt) and we lost our family home, income, status, everything.
At school I pretended that everything was fine, but envied kids who had 'normal' households with the two parents who'd given birth to them.

Because of the way I grew up, I've inherited anxiety and depression problems and may possibly be borderline manic/depressive. I also have some health problems that keep me from living a truely full life, although I try my best.

Also, because of the way I was raised, I was not good at choosing boyfriends that were nice to me and ended up enduring 12 years of abuse from my now-ex-husband.

I'm wiser now. Wisdom comes with age. You're only 30. By the time you are 40, you'll know even more about how to live your life. If people reject you, you cannot do anything to change those people... But you can choose different people to spend your time with.

Choose people who are kind to you, and will be able to understand when you have your tough days. But don't lean too heavily on them, so they don't become burned-out and resentful of you.

Also, this is very important... Don't expect negative reactions from people, or society. We generally get what we expect.

Look into buying a book called "Rapid Relief From Emotional Distress". It's a great book, is easy to read, and easy to apply to your life. Bascially it teaches that we are as happy or unhappy as we make our own minds up to be, by how we talk to ourselves and perceive things.

Best of luck to you!

Answer 10

I doubt that people feel sorry for someone with BPD. However, and you wont like to hear that, people are really turned off by a person with BPD due to the abuseve, manipulative nature of that person. You have developed BPD due to the circumstances you lived in and back then it was a survival mechanism. Now, at the age of 30 it is not functional anymore and keeps people away from you. With teh help from your counselor and really hard work you can learn much better ways and learn to be happy. Dont let the past and bitterness keep you fom the happy life you deserve. Good Luck.