Shall I get out now....?

Question

Please don’t judge, but I do drugs sometimes, but have been cutting down a lot on the times I do, so now it’s probably one night out a month.

My boyfriend and I had planned a very rare day for just the two of us, but he then decided to throw a party for a friends birthday the night before. I said that was fine, but I would stay home because I didn’t want to take anything as the next day was v important to me. This party was for a non close friend, and only 7 people came. In my mind it was just an excuse to get off our heads, which is why I didn’t want to go. He said if I wasn’t bothered to travel to his for the party then he wouldn’t see me the next day. So I went, and altho I’d said I didn’t want to take anything, my bf started guilt tripping me saying things like “I can’t FORCE you to have fun” and just making me feel rubbish for not wanting to. So I did. I wanted to go to bed at 3am, but he coaxed me into staying up until 6am. Then I had to go to bed.

He came up with me and said that he’d just pop downstairs for another half an hour. When he woke me up, it was mid-day, he hadn’t been to bed cos he’d stayed up doing more drugs, and our day was ruined. When I started crying, he started shouting at me saying that it was ME who was ruining the day, not him cos he was still fine to enjoy it. It was the first opportunity we had had to be together for ages because he prefers to be around friends all the time.

Dead end relationship?

Answer 1

Let's analyze this sad day.

1. You had preexisting plans for spending a special day together.
2. Your boyfriend then planned the party (probably with the knowledge that there would be drugs there, and a late night before your special day).
3. Your boyfriend did not respect your (very reasonable) wish to stay home, or respect your laudable attempt to avoid drugs that evening. He said if you don't come, our special day is off. This is not nice and is very manipulative.
4. The disrespect continues: when you say you'd like to abstain, he makes you feel like "rubbish." This is presumably in front of other people. Any man (or woman) who would denigrate their partner in public like this is not someone to plan a future with. Or even be a friend of.

Dead end? Yes--but he's the dead end, not you. Sounds to me like you, in contrast, are on the right road. Stick to it, even if it means traveling alone for the time being.

Answer 2

Can you see him & you together in (say) two years? Five years? Where do you see the relationship going?
I did this (when I was MUCH younger!) AFTER I had left a boyfriend of 2 years and realised that if I DID stay with him I would forever be letting HIM talk me around to his wants and he would not understand what I wanted.
I now have a husband of 24 years - live in a house we own, earn a very reasonable wage - the ex? I spotted him hanging out with a load of winos in a local town the other day......

Can you ever see yourself with this bloke in an equal relationship where he isn't always wanting to "play" - what are his strengths & interests - does he have any career goals? How about you?

Only you can decide really - but take time over the decision so you don;t keep looking back & saying "I wish"

Answer 3

I was with my bf for 2 years. We started off every morning with the drugs and continued throughout the day... He never wanted to go out. It was always going to someone's crib and smoking.

Then I realized, he was never going to change. If I wanted something better, I had to get him out of my life. Either that, or stay with him, with the drugs and no life. I had to choose.

You have to make the choice. Do you love him so much to give up your own life for his or do you want a life of your own?

I chose to leave him. I stopped calling. When he came looking for me, I wouldn't answer the door. I finally was old enough to move to another county. And that was it.

Every once in a while I catch up with people I used to know at the time, and while I now have a good career, and completely satisfied with my life, they are in the same apartments, living paycheck to paycheck, and spending all their days inside their "cribs".

It feels good to pity someone, when you made the right choice.

Answer 4

You don't mention how long he has been your boyfriend, and I know how hard it will be, but you need to erase him from your life. You've shown how strong you can be by not doing drugs, but someone like this could turn you into a complete addict. The guy has no respect for anything you are trying to do or want to do. Cut him off completely and control your own life. Good luck xx

Answer 5

The whole thing is that you need to get clean and sober - totally and completely clean and sober.

Once you're body is clean and your mind clear and straight, you'll see that this guy is a complete loser and the relationship is not only a dead-end; it was dead from the start.

So, ditch the drugs - completely - and at the same time, ditch the loser. You'll see that the world is a much prettier, better place when you're not recovering from crash/burn.

Answer 6

If you want to get off drugs, then you need to disassociate yourself from those who do. Drug users care for nothing for anyone, and don't care who they hurt, or whose lives they mess up in the process.

You showed good common sense in not wanting to go to this party, but your boyfriend bullied you into going. Ditch him, now. In a few months time, when you are reaping the benefits of sorting yourself out, you will feel nothing but relief, and learn what self-respect means. If neccessary, get help, there are people who will steer you in the right direction.

Answer 7

The issue isn't about drugs its about your man so no one is judging you. You made it clear that you didn't want to go, and your man should have respected that.But as you went he should have come up with some sort of comprise between the two of you so that he could spend time with his friends...and also spend time with you.
Go on break...if after some time you both feel like you can renew your relationship give it a go....but babe if it is dead in the water...then stop drowning and swim !!!!

Answer 8

Was he still trippin when he was yelling at you? Is this common behavior?

Congrats on cutting back on your drug use. Do NOT let anyone guilt you into doing something you don't want to do!!!! Ever. No matter what it might be. Do what you feel is right, and don't back down from it.

I can understand you being upset that the day was ruined. He wasn't being very nice. I would assume that the day didn't mean to him what it meant to you.

Before running from him, I would sit him down, when you are both clean and discuss things. Tell him how things made you feel.

Good luck!!!

Answer 9

You've done really well, cutting down so much on your use. Don't get involved in any drug misuse just because someone else says so. Perhaps you should try just to move away from this relationship. It's not doing you any good and you have proved to yourself that you are strong. Think for yourself. You know you can do it.

Answer 10

If you want to give up the drugs completely then you need to stay away from him. It's quite clear that the only reason you do them is because of your fella and if he has no plans to stop then you should get out now. Or at least try (I know how hard it can be)