Our wedding date is set for sept 2. Little background. We always said we would get married if we get pregnant but until then, personally we just didnt see the point. We own a home both have great jobs, and just found out we were pregnant so now we are getting married. My mom is financing this wedding which is so nice of her but not necessary. We were not even going to have one until she offered. But now our laid back small wedding has turned into the huge weekend event with bridal showers and bridesmaid luncheons (which I DONT want). We didnt even want to register for the wedding, we wanted to wait and register for the baby in a few months. Of course we registered though. Now I get angry phone calls from her every other day telling me I disappoint her because I am not planning these things. I don't want to go to them. What can I do? This is not our wedding anymore, it is my mothers.
2007-07-13 02:48:00 · 20 answers · asked by Cash, Gage and Jax's Mom 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Zachrysmom, we love each other more than anything. Some people's views on marriage are just different. I see it as a piece of paper. Our commitment to each other is expressed through each other not the state.
2007-07-13 03:01:23 · update #1
You just have to put your foot down, thank her for her intentions, and then say NO. Tell her to cancel everything, you appreciate what she has done, but she is not doing what you want. Then do it yourself. No one here can make your mom stop. Only you can. All it takes is being firm and direct. If she gets mad, then that is HER problem. You can't make her be happy. Don't let her make you UNhappy! This is one of those "just do it" situations. Get your future husband to back you up, and stand your ground. Good luck, and congratulations!
2007-07-13 02:57:49 · answer #1 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Congratulations on your marriage and on your baby! Sounds like your mom is just very excited about the whole situation.
You should not be planning the showers and parties. I would suggest you take part in your ceremony. That will give you at least some control over what goes on.
You may want to take your mom aside and tell her how uncomfortable she is making you. Express, as you did here, how much you appreciate the big "to do", but that it really wasn't what you had in mind. If nothing else, you may have to just smile and endure the big things. Sounds like many people will want to celebrate with you! It might even be kind of fun to plan things.
I know you see marriage as just a piece of paper, but I'm glad you are getting married. It will give you both a sense of security, as well as other benefits. More people who are married should take to heart the fact that you show your commitment through your actions and not just because the state has a document.
Good luck.
2007-07-13 10:13:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put your foot down. It seems like mothers always turn into some kind of wedding planning machine when their daughter gets married(mine did!) and it's just the excitement of the event I believe. After all, didn't you always dream of what your wedding was going to be like when you were little? I am sure your mom did the same, but you have to tell her that your views are different. Tell your mom that you appreciate all of her help, but you and your fiancee wish to do it differently. It is your wedding. Also, don't get stressed out about it all, you have to take care of you and your baby! Congrats on both your wedding and baby and I wish you luck!
2007-07-13 11:18:59 · answer #3 · answered by Jen C 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
seems as though you already let it go too far. You probably should have stopped her in the very beggining when she wanted to pay for it... if you want it to be the way you want it then you should finance it. I would honestly just be thankful and blessed that you have this opportunity to do these things and have a lot of people witness your commitment to each other. No matter how big or small the wedding is there is always stress and drama so I guess just relax and enjoy the fact that you didn't have to plan most of the stuff, and you didn't have to pay for it! So I guess just suck it up unless you flat out tell your mom to cancel everything and you pay for what you want but that's something you need to decide NOW! Congrats on your baby too!
2007-07-13 09:58:52 · answer #4 · answered by kerriannsurratt 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Your commitment is more than just a piece of paper, regardless of how you view it.
And your life WILL change because of these vows of marriage, you can plan on it.
And now you have the addition of a new life.
Your mother had visions of your wedding as you grew up. You were cheating her of her dreams by stating that you weren't getting married until you were pregnant. Well, she now sees this as her chance!
Sit down with her & tell her how much you appreciate her help but that you would like her to take it a little easy & see if the two of you can come to some sort of compromise.
Yes, this is your wedding, but the wedding is both your parent's as well. You are not only uniting two people, but two families. See if you can get just a little excited about the wedding.
2007-07-13 11:19:19 · answer #5 · answered by weddrev 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
If a huge wedding isn't what you want go elope at the courthouse! Then tell her you guys already got married! Then you wont have to do anything! She'll be disappointed and may throw you a party to celebrate but that way you dont have to deal with bridal showers, luncheons, rehersal dinners, etc...
2007-07-13 10:12:47 · answer #6 · answered by RedSoxRock!!! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your mom that if she doesn't stop and listen to what you actually want you will cancel everything and get married in your own way. Make some compromises. Tell her no bridal shower, but in a few months you wouldn't mind a baby shower. Sit down and make a plan together as to what you actually want and don't want. Make it clear that if she does it anyway you won't participate.
2007-07-13 10:46:58 · answer #7 · answered by JM 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you should have a talk with your mom about this is not how your ideal wedding was to be and that you feel hurt she wants to plan something you and him are not happy with.
All you can do is put your foot down saying no, that you welcome the offer, but don't feel is the best offer for you and him.
She might forfit the financial help, but hope she won't as that would not be right of her to do "my way or highway" attitude.
Do wish you both best of luck and congrats!
2007-07-13 14:34:40 · answer #8 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Caught between a rock and a hard place.
My first thought was to just go to a Justice of the Peace and do it. This would probably make her mad but it takes the guess out of what is going to be the next step and all of the planning especially since you didn't want anything big.
I have been married for 19 years and looking back wish we would have eloped instead of all the hubbub that is around a wedding.
2007-07-13 09:58:29 · answer #9 · answered by Pat 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
wow that would be annoying. but dont hurt your moms feelings. i was in the same situation with my mother in law which is almost worse. are you an only child or the first one to get married?? she anly means well. sit here down and talk to her tell her you appreciate everything she is doing for you but this isnt what you wanted. tell her it is your wedding day and you wanna keep it simple. about the registering for gifts. i'm pretty sure people arent gonna mind to get you wedding and babyshower gifts so just enjoy. this is supposed to be the happiest day of your life and even if you didnt wanna have a wedding to begin with i'm sure you'll get into it.
good luck with you marriage and baby
2007-07-13 10:00:11 · answer #10 · answered by me 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋