Why can't I get along with my dad?

Question

I don't understand my father. My dad and I really don't get along as much as we used to. Now that I'm growing up he tends to do this thing that aggravates me. He is quick to get mad at me. He has to point out every single mistake I do and yell at me. When I do something good he doesn't care. He has enough energy to yell at me for 10 minutes but not enough to tell me "good job" . If he doesnt tell me I have to aske him to tell me. He hardly never gives me hugs and sometimes he tells me he loves me but I have to tell him first. I don't know anymore.

Answer 1

he might be going through issues himself, you can either confront him or keep up to it and wait until things get back to normal

Answer 2

A lot of fathers are frustrated with how to behave with their maturing daughter. What was once easy, to love their little girl and delight in everything she did, and having love returned in the form of daddy worship, is a whole lot more complicated now. Where does one learn to be a father? Usually its from their own parent but how does one learn how to father a girl? If he had sisters, maybe that's how they were treated. He's not going to have first hand knowledge in any regard.

Talk to your dad, or write a letter. Tell him that his encouragement and support means everything to you. Tell him that without it, you don't feel like a whole person. Tell him that you need to hear that you are a good person and that you do good things, not just the bad. Tell him that when he points out all your mistakes, it makes you feel hopeless.

Remember that he is probably uncomfortable with your changing body, and may not know what the boundaries are and is over compensating by not being physically closer. You are probably going to have to show him what is ok by hugging him or whatever way you want to show effection (some families might have other ways, like kissing(my daughters father kisses the top of their heads)or holding hands.

Ask your dad to take walks with you in the evening. Ask him just for 15mins to start with, and build from there. Its great exersize and a way to talk without confrontation.

Tell your dad that you love him and that you need him.

Good luck.

Answer 3

It is very hard for a dad to watch his daughter grow-up. You are vague about what you argue about but I will bet you that your dad has your best interest in mind. I felt the same seperation from my dad between the age of 15 - 21. I no longer have my dad (he died) but with 20/20 hindsight, I see as the expression goes... "Father knows best..."

Anyway, I can tell you really love your dad, otherwise the distance you now feel wouldn't bother you. Continue to try to be patient with each other... Continue to give him lots of hugs and affection... Try your hardest to stay close to him - even if you feel he is pushing you away. I promise you, you will never regret your dad's love and the efforts you put into your relationship when you are an adult.

Answer 4

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It is hard for a father to watch his daughter make decisions that he doesn't agree with. That little girl who needed him is no longer so dependent and seldom needs rescuing.

Spend 'you and he' time with him. Ask his opinion on things during this time. Even if you don't need it, make his wisdom feel needed. It may be difficult at first to overlook comments. But persevere and gradually he will open up more to you. A few lingering hugs will help. Not just the quick hug and pull away. be his little girl again. I know he'll come around.

He may have trouble showing affection. Makes him uncomfortable. The criticizing, believe it or not, is a way for him to reach out to you. Not a good way. But like a child who is starved for attention and acts out because negative attention is better than none, his reprimands are likely hopelessness in his own inability to be vulnerable.

Many males weren't brought up in loving environments. They haven't practiced any other way. And when you tell him you love him first, it's safe to respond.

If you doubt he loves you, see how he acts when you cry in front of him. He will likely try to get away from it, or stop it by consoling you.

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Answer 5

I been throught the same thing. The only differance between your story and mine is he is my step dad but I consider him my real dad because he has been there for my since the age of two. Growing up from age 2-6 with him I remember being great we had a great relationship together we always went out places it was GREAT! Up untill one day when my mom was 7 months pregnant with my little brother little did I know that this day would change mine and my dads relationship forever. She went into labor and ended up loosing my little brother that day . His lungs were just to little for him to breath. That was my dads first child and it really took a tool on him he no longer did anything and I mean ANYTHING mom and I did everything for him he wouldn't even move from the couch about 2 years went by and they had another baby a little boy .So as you can imagine I was no longer daddys little girl. Oh how this hurt me bad and still does till this day. I am now 28 years old and my father and I no longer have a realtionship I mean there is nothing there when we are around each other we don't even talk for more then 5 min and it hurts me bad I try to talk to him but find it very hard. Oh how I wish that things could be differnt for him and I . Seems like he is never happy with me not even now that I am happily married with 4 kids I feel like I am a big screw up in his eyes. But the way I get throught it is just by remembering all the good times him and I had before November 7, 1985 .


He put me through a lot of pain as a child. (emotionally and physically) I know that your probably thinking why thank them? (for putting me through so much) Well its because of all that stuff he put me through that makes me who I am today.STRONGER, & difinatily a FIGHTER. I don't go around beating people up but what I mean by fighting is I been through A LOT and had to fight my way through. Even though I hated the crap he put me through as a child.It made me a VERY STRONG person inside. So I thank him for that. And God for getting me through all that crap in my life.

I hope the best for you that you can try to work things out with your dad because I know the pain you feel.

God Bless

Answer 6

Chances are he loves you very much. We parents have this dream, idea of our children not making the same mistakes we did, even small things! Your dad isn't mad, he may be frustrated or disappointed. He may even be panicked that he is not a good dad. You seem to be very mature about this, why don't you start sharing with him like you would a friend and see if you can't open up a door of communication. Like say, Dad I am proud you are my dad, do I make you proud?. maybe hugs are uncomfortable for him because you are growing up..try to remember parents are only human beings they come with their own problems and baggage.

Answer 7

Well, it could be any number of reasons for the way he is acting towards you. Is he having trouble with his job or financial problems? A lot of fathers have trouble accepting the fact that their little girls are growing up and don't know how to cope with it, so they chose to avoid situations or distance themselves. Sit down and tell him how you feel. Let him know that you still need your Daddy and miss the way things used to be. It will more than likely be a wake up call for him and change things between the two of you. Good luck!

Answer 8

It sounds to me like you're growing up. This means you will start being independant and becoming a young adult. He's probably very aware of this, and wants you to grow up to be a good person. This is why he comes down on you so hard when you slip up. To make sure you become a good person. He should encourage you, it's true. If you do something to be proud of, make a point of it. He'll eventually pick it up.
My dad was the same.

Answer 9

I'd say he's probably upset and stressed out about something in his own life, possibly relating to you or his inability to deal with something about you that's beyond his control, and he's transferring that anger onto you. It's hard for men to talk about our problems and issues and feelings because we spend a lifetime being groomed not to have them. More than that, he probably realizes the strain his frustration is putting on your relationship but doesn't know how to cope with it (double whammy).

Maybe you might be able to understand him more if you think about what might be at the core of his frustration. Directly asking won't really get you anywhere probably, but it can never hurt. Try for direct honesty in letting him know how he's making you feel, and let him know that you crave that appreciative acknowledgement.

Personally, I've found it very hard to switch from an aloof mindset to one that recognizes small but significant accomplishments in other people. So if he gives you even the tiniest shred of consideration and effort, please be patient with him :)

Answer 10

Dads sometimes have a hard time handling that there little girl is growing up and has her own mind, want to make their own decisions. Dads want to be needed.
It will pass, he will back off. But he will also always be there to give you advice and counseling because he has "been there and done it". Yelling is a dad way of making sure you hear what he has to say, negative reaction means it gets loader.

It will be OK.

Answer 11

My mothers the same way, but she is also abusive; we dont speak. All I can say is that perhaps your dad, is having issues excepting the fact that your grown now. Maybe you need to sit him down and say, I know its hard for you to except that i'm growing up, but that doesnt mean i'm growing out of love for you. I feel like your not proud of me, and don't want me around anymore, and I know its just because you love me so much that your having such a hard time with this. If he doesnt respond to that, he's not being fair to you.