Just had a miscarriage before my wedding, can't seem to get my thoughts straight?

Question

I am getting married tomorrow, but had a miscarriage on Sunday. I didn't even have the slightest clue I was pregnant, I haven't been paying attention to anything but my wedding. I have always wanted a baby...badly, and this just destroyed me. My fiance would be the perfect father, we always talk about how we want at least 3 children. Anyways, I can't seem to stop thinking about this. The only person I have told is my best friend/maid of honor. When should I tell my husband? After the honeymoon? Before the ceremony tomorrow? I am just in a completely different mindset and can't focus on anything but losing this baby. Is this normal? I don't know what to do. Thanks to anyone who responds.

Answer 1

tell him now! you are marrying him, you should trust him and share these thoughts with him! maybe you need to postone the wedding if possible.

Answer 2

I have never personally suffered a miscarriage, but my sister has endured many. What you are feeling is abslutely normal, it is a very stressful and trying thing to loose a baby, even if you werent planning on one at that particular moment. First, yes you need to tell your husband, you need the support system that only he can give you, you need someone to share your grief with over what happened.
Secondly, have you spoken or seen your doctor? If not you need to, today. You may need a shot or another procedure, so you have to get checked right away, otherwise you could get sick.
Third, and this also goes hand in hand with going to the Dr, its ok, this more than likely is one of 2 things, either that you and your husband are not Rh compatible, which is easily solved by a shot at the begining of pregnancy. Not being compatible causes miscarriage because one of the factors will fight the baby and destroy it (read about it here http://pregnancy.about.com/cs/rhfactor/a/aa050601a.htm ) The other, more likely and common cause would be stress. Since you are focusing on the wedding and the closeness of the day, your body is probably working overtime and you arent taking very good care of it. The first 3 months are the most delicate in a pregnancy and if you over-do it, you can easily loose a baby, especially a baby that you had no idea existed. More than likely you will have no trouble concieving when you are both ready and you are ready to take care of yourself and a baby, but you really really need to speak to your Dr. Talking to her will also help put your mind at ease so you can take your mind off the baby and focus on the wedding.
My heart goes out to you, after seeing my sister suffer so many losses, I can only imagine how you feel and there is nothing anyone will say to take away the pain and sadness, all we can give you is lots of HUGS and good thoughts, which I know we all are.

Take care.

Answer 3

Talk to a pastor, rabbi, conmselor or therapist. That will help you sort your thoughts and find peace.

I understand the pain that you feel, but dear, you can get pregnant again and your husband will be the perfect father for your baby still. The dream will be fulfilled, concentrate on that.

You must accept God's will. He will reward your strenght. Do not let this stop living or enjoying the best day of yrou life. Yoru wedding is a STARTING point, not and end.

I understand that you are suffering, but you have to move away for this thoughts.

I will be bold and give you a different advice from anyone else. I would not tell yoru huisband until after the honeymoon. reason why? men do not how to cope with pain very well and this can screw up with his mind and affect him deeply (just like you or worse) . He may get to preocupied for your health and well being and ruin the honeymoon. You don;t want to be a bag of tears when you are away in Hawaii. TRy to relax an enjoy the party that youhave so carefully planned and go on a honeymoon with your husband and be happy. When you get back you can tell him about it and work it throught together.

Those are my thoughts, you mat disagree with me, which is fine, but I just wanted to give you a different perspective.

God bless you.

Answer 4

First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. I have never lost a child, so I can't even begin to imagine how you feel.

It is good that you told your MOH. Don't keep this to yourself...it will help if you have someone else to support you.

As far as telling your soon to be husband, I think it would be better to wait until after the wedding. Since neither of you knew you were pregnant, you might want to consider waiting. It will most likely distract him from the ceremony. However, if you are really having a hard time dealing with it, you might want to consider telling him during the honeymoon. You will be a married couple, and communication is key. It will help to have someone else to talk to who understands how you feel.

You might want to consider talking to a counselor who focuses on loss. It will help to have someone to guide you through the process of grieving over such a loss.

I don't know why things like this happen. It will take some time to heal, but you will have a husband to support you through this difficult time.

Don't lose sight of your wedding though! This is a happy time in your life and you should celebrate your love. Try to focus on the positives in your life right now, even though it is hard.

Good luck with everything! If you need someone else to talk to, my email is on my profile.

Answer 5

Having a miscarriage and feeling this way is very normal. Of course any mother would and have felt the same way. It just takes time and patience. You really need to tell your fiance. Since the wedding is tomorrow just try to have a great time with your love ones. It is going to be hard but you just have to and it is your special day. Don't even know if you will have time to tell your fiance before the wedding. So you will probably have to tell him after the wedding.

Answer 6

Several things.

FIRST! Go to the Doctor for a checkup! There is a medical reason why you miscarried and you should be thoroughly checked out - if only to prevent problems later on.

Even if you have to postpone the ceremony do this. Your health is worth more than any ceremony etc.

Yes. Tell your fiance now - before the ceremony. You're no doubt still bleeding - not fun on a wedding night.

Now then, there is a medical reason for the miscarriage. Usually it means that the fetus was not formed properly enough to make it from the first trimester to the second, so your body rejected it. But please go to your doctor NOW - and even if it means postponing the ceremony, please see your MD.

Answer 7

You need to share this with your fiance right away! This is sometihng he needs to be involved in supporting you and sharing your sorrow. It's a lot easier to carry a burden when it is on 2 people. Talking to him about it may also help you sort through what you are feeling and get you more prepared to get married.
I'm so very sorry this happened to you. I wish you the best. Have a beautiful day tomorrow.
ALso, if you are a religious person, talking to God may help. Your pregnancy ended for a reason aand you have no fault.
Breathe deap and smile, tomorrow you will have your dream wedding, and start a new life with your husband!

Answer 8

First, I would like to give you my deepest condolences. I don't know you at all, but my heart goes to you and your "soon to be" husband.

If I knew you as a friend, I would tell you, to take your husband aside, and tell him before your wedding. If you tell him afterwards, he'll ask you why you didn't tell him before and might think you were hiding other things.

It is normal to have your thoughts dwell on what has happend. Some people go for months of deep depression over it.

the honeymoon won't be as fulfilling, that's for sure, but it would be worse for a new marriage to be ended by lack of information.

You can still have those 3 kids.

I hope everything goes well.

Answer 9

I am so sorry for your loss. My wife miscarried twice before she had four beautiful kids.

You should tell him now! The life inside you was a part of him, too and he deserves to know. Keeping it from him will only create mistrust. I think you should also talk to the pastor, priest, rabbi, etc., whoever is marrying you. If you're having a secular wedding, you should find a church and talk to the pastor anyway. Both of you should do this together. Trust them to understand what you're dealing with emotionally and physically.

I think if you're open and discuss it with him it will make your wedding day even more special and bring you even closer. Good luck to you both. God bless.

Answer 10

I think you need to tell your husband-to-be before the ceremony so he can understand what you're going through. I would have told him already. If you are spending the rest of your life with him, he should be able to support you. I'm sorry this happened to you - you might want to talk to your doctor about therapy or other options if you remain depressed for an extended period of time.

Answer 11

If you didn't know you were pregnant how do you know you miscarried? Miscarriage is a very fine line it could have been a phantom pregnancy or anything, if it was very early on & a doctor can't really pin point if it's a miscarriage when a woman miscarries in this way.

Things in life happen for a reason. You have to tell yourself that is plenty of time to have children. Don't tell your husband as this will just had to our stress that he is stressed out.