How should I handle the woman that gave birth to me?

Question

Long story short, she didn't care that my dad/her husband died. "He died and he's still sticking me for $ over his funeral"-my mom (she never cried).

She owes me about 2k, but will not acknowledge it. She wrecked my car after I let her borrow it for free for 6 months. To borrow hers would cost me $10/day. *I'm still car less*

She calls me fat (I'm 5'6 and weigh 140).

She tries to write me a (bad) check to borrow money.

At age 12 I lived with extended family (they were always on drugs) until I was 17.

She has never said she loves me.

Answer 1

Coming from the home of a crazy mother, they are toxic. Stay far far away. MOVE. My mom borrowed 2k from me and i cut my losses. I am sorry about your father's death. Unfortunately your mother isn't going to pay you back. Don't loan her money, if you do you are enabling her. Ignore her until she gets the hint and changes. No matter how guilty you feel, you are saving yourself! Start your own life, stressful mother free!

Answer 2

Well my "mom" gave birth to us ( brother and I ) but she wasn't much of a mother either.
I don't hang around her. There is nothing that says you have to like the family you were born into ( parts or all of it). Either way, the choice is yours. Limit contact, have no contact at all, up to you.
It is hard to accept. Try talking to a counselor of some sort if you need to. But no mother does those things to her own child. Giving birth makes you no more a mother than a sperm donor is a father. Parents are the people who love you, many adopted people know this for a fact.
Going to go ahead and answer your other question here, hope you see it, tell her she isn't invited. Period. Tell her upfront that you don't want her there. You want it to be a happy day. Give her the above reasons and any others that you might not have posted but are real issues to you.
Good luck and God bless.

Answer 3

Well... sounds like mom has plenty of trouble. You can decide to keep on enabling her by giving her what she asks for, or you can show some tough love and tell her that you aren't going to support her misery anymore. You can take the high road, tell her you love her, then move on with your life. I know that is hard to do. The woman who gives birth to us should be made to sign a contract that says they will love us unconditionally... unfortunately, some women don't know how to do that.

I am sorry you got one of those women who was never taught how to love and be a good mother... you, however, can break that chain and be a loving human being... but you don't have to take abuse from her any more. No more borrowed cars or money... move on with your life and tell her that you will always love her because she is your mom. Maybe, someday, she'll clean up her act, say she is sorry, and you can live happily ever after...

But don't hold your breath waiting... get out there and live your life with dignity, respect, integrity, honesty... and love.

Answer 4

I had an English teacher who treated the same way she did with the students that disrespect her. Instead of building a grudge, I decided to be nice to her through the year instead. We become friends after that. So, I'm suggesting that you try honoring her as much as you can and ignore all the negative things your mother is saying to you. Eventually or hopefully she'll change a little by little realizing that she treating her kind daughter bad. In addition, you can pray to God to change her for the better. It takes time so you have to patient. Hope this helps!

Answer 5

I do not know if your mom can still change her ways. Even if it were possible I don't think you are the one to do it.
Anyway, she is still your mom and she needs all the help she can get. As for you do everything you can not to become like your mother. At least learn why she is like that and what she had to go through to become like she is now. At one point in her life your mom has also done something good.........she had you. How she treats you now is another matter altogether.

Answer 6

a psychologist friend of mine once told me during a rough patch that if i am not getting the emotional and psychological support i need from mu family, then i go and find people who will support me and get support from me - they will be my family - not in the socio-economic or blood sense but in terms of the emotional and psychological.

cut your losses. maybe it would help to talk to your mother, maybe it won't. you have to gauge the situation and decide for yourself.

bottomline is, you have to move on and find people who will nurture and support you and you them. you can be civil with your mother, but not support her financially. you can choose to say that you will not tolerate her verbal abuse anymore, or allow her to manipulate you. if she starts, you can always cut her off with a civil/polite response like "i love you mom, but you can't borrow money from me. i have my own financial problems." if she insists, repeat your statement until she gets the point. it takes practice, but it works.

i know how it is to lose a dad. i'm sorry for your loss.

Answer 7

Sometimes it's best to cut all ties. It doesnt mean you dont love her.
I would simply tell her that you love her very much but until she can grow up and act like a responsible adult you need to severe ties.

Answer 8

This is very sad . . .

But I think it is important to realize that you cannot change your mom. The only person you can change is you and how you relate to mom. I suggest that you seek counseling . . . to cope with the pain, and to learn strategies to deal with mom.

Good luck to you.

Answer 9

Sounds like you should cut her out of your life, and go seek some therapy to heal your wounds.

Maybe some day you can reconcile, right now you should put yourself first.

Answer 10

We cannot choose our relatives, just our friends. It sounds like she has serious substance abuse problems. Do what is best for you, not what sounds "right." Make your word stick after you say no, and no more.