How to discipline a whining & tantrum throwing 5 year old?

Question

My 5 year old girl is very intelligent for her age and so I just don't understand these whining and tantrum episodes she goes into. Most of them seem to just boil down to a power struggle. Like just a few minutes ago she decided she wanted an egg and toast to eat before bed and so I fixed it and cut her toast into strips like I usually do. She took one look at the plate and instantly started whining "I wanted the toast to be cut like a circle!" I told her I was sorry, but that it was already cut and next time I would do a circle. She went into an all out tantrum screaming and crying that she wanted a circle and not strips. The other night it was over chicken for dinner.

What is the best method to deal with this? Her father and I separated and we moved out a couple months back. I realise this can be a factor but I refuse to cut her slack because of it. Her cousin was cut slack and allowed to act up when her parents divorced and she is a dang brat because of it.

Help!

Answer 1

You have to stand firm with her. My 4 year old is the same way. First of all a 5 year old should not have any control because they have to be reminded that they are not the parent. I don't feel as if spanking is always the key, but not playing in to the tantrum (ignoring) is usually a help. Just tell her once either you eat this they way it is or you can go to bed those are your only options. And usually when my daughter start going into one of her whining stages I just tell her to go to her room until she can get herself together. But you have to make sure that when she doesn't whine and is a "big girl" praise her and let her know that you are paying attention and it will get better. Good Luck!

Answer 2

Maybe the fact that you don't believe in physical discipline is a problem. Not saying it is, just suggesting. Also make sure that you're not giving in to her demands--if you're giving in, she's finding out that throwing a fit works. And yes, ignoring the tantrum helps. I have a 5-year-old son. If he throws a tantrum (which is rare) I send him to his room and don't pay any attention to him, and he calms down in a few minutes. Interestingly enough, his preschool teacher has told me that he's never thrown a tantrum in class--hopefully it stays that way!

Answer 3

the big word here is consistency I agree give her a choice the toast or bed. Be firm and don't back down don't raise your voice and don't back down if she changes her mind throw the food out and put her to bed and firmly walk away. My kids used to throw temper tantrums in the grocery store and I left my cart and walked away and the kids got punished when they got home. one thing that I have found is let her throw tantrum but let her know there will be consequences for that behavior ie time out five minutes for her or no outside something that will make an impact with her. Just remember don't give up this will pass when she realizes she is not getting the attention and after paying the consequences they should be far and few between hang in there and good luck

Answer 4

5 Year Old Tantrum

Answer 5

Definitely a control issue. The egg and toast would go right into the trash and she would sit there and scream and kick all night. Didn't want chicken for dinner? No problem. She can sit and scream while everyone else eats. She has to learn that she gets no attention whatsoever when she makes demands. When my brothers and I didn't like what was on out plates, our mom never raised her voice, never got up from the table, just quietly said... " That's all there is tonight Maybe you'll like what we're having tomorrow better".

Answer 6

There's only one cure for tantrums - ignore. Discipline and rewards all give tantrums weight. Don't pointedly ignore, or discipline, or beg, or apologize- just act as if nothing is happening. When you provide positive attention like lot's of hugs and play time with you and she gets no attention for bad behavior your little smarty will figure out how to get what she wants. I'm not saying she won't still have meltdowns just because she's tired or frustrated but the power struggle fits thrive on attention. Good Luck

Answer 7

It sounds to me like she's tired. Is she still having naps and getting 11 hours of sleep at night? If she is getting plenty of sleep, and that isn't the issue, maybe try having her help you make her plate. Then she can make it just the way she likes it. Give her a sticker for everytime she obeys without whinning and let her stick it to a behavior card. When the card gets an agreed upon amount of stickers on it, she gets to decide whats for dinner that night. You may end up eating sundaes for dinner once a month, but if it helps her control her behavior I'd say it's worth it in the long run!

Answer 8

Give her two options, tell her toast as-is, or straight to bed. Let her pick one of the two. If she continues to whine, throw the food in the trash and tell her to go straight to bed. Ignore any subsequent tantruming over the matter.

You're right, it's just a power struggle. Don't give in and stay strong.

Answer 9

Your daughter whines and cries for secondary gain. A basic premise of child rearing is "Don't reward bad behavior." Stay firm.

Conversely, when she does things well, praise her.

Try to keep relations between you and her father civil enough that you can agree on a few basics of discipline. Try to be consistent.

Answer 10

Discipline her.You tell her you are the parents she is the child.Unless she wants someting to whine and throw a fit over she had better straighten up real quick.If she doesn't do like my folks did,give her dancing lessons with a switch!I lived through it and am better for it, she will to and will be.It is called negative reinforcement and it works.