I got married 6 years ago, my best friend was my Matron of Honor, and it's always been agreed I would be hers. Now, her wedding is in 8 months, and her Mom is trying to pressure her into having her cousin (who she's never been close to) instead of me. I have 2 sisters who were bridesmaids for me, but my friend was my matron on honor, they were fine with it. Her mom has now asked me to 'step down' so that 'family can be in their rightful place'! I'm angry, but I don't want my best friend getting upset over her wedding. What should I do?
2007-07-12 15:45:06 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Tell the mother as nicely as possible that it's her daughters wedding, and you are going to respect her wishes and it would be best if she did the same. The mother doing this is only stressing the situation where there doesn't need to be stress!
You could also let your friend know that you do not want to "step down," but if it would help to make her big day less stressful then you will. However if she does want you as MOH, then you will tell the mother that you both discussed it, and plan to leave things as they are because it's her daughters wedding, and this is what she wants!
2007-07-12 15:52:35 · answer #1 · answered by kimandryan2008 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your friend needs to step up to her mom and say that she gets to decide who is in the wedding party. There is always going to be somebody who isn't happy with something and it's better that that "somebody" is not the bride or groom. It's unfair that her mom wants the cousin to be in the wedding just because she is related. You and your best friend have more of a bond than she does with her cousin. The rightful place for you is to be standing next to your best friend, and her family can be seated in the front rows. Please do not let her mom push you around and make you step down. Tell her that you are sorry but you are following her daughter's wishes and that she has no right to try to change it.
Talk to our friend very gently and explain how you feel, I bet she will appreciate how much it means to you to be her made of honor. Weddings are not the time to please everybody, but for some reason, the mothers of the bride and groom seem to think it is. If her cousin gets upset...too bad! This is about what your friend wants, not the extended family.
Good Luck!
2007-07-12 15:56:58 · answer #2 · answered by jack russell girl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think this choice is entirely up to your friend, but she has the right to have you stand by her side on your day, if that's what she wants. I had kind of the same problem, I had a best friend and a sister I was close to. My friend was married, so she was my matron of honor, and my sister wasn't, so she was my maid of honor. Maybe one of the cousins can be the maid of honor and you can be the matron, and still stand closest to her. Hope that helps some, best wishes!
2007-07-13 09:09:42 · answer #3 · answered by LoveWithNoBoundaries 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In general I agree with the first poster that it's all completely relative (sorry about the pun!) 1. I suppose, but it's a bit of a stretch. 2. Yes, though it's not obvious (not that that's a bad thing) 3. I never thought of this--I really like the idea and think it's a lovely way to honor someone. 4. Yes, this clearly honors them. 5. Yes, I think this works as well. 6. I like this idea as well, though depending on the name of the honoree the child could end up with a dreadful name (like the pair Hildegard and Bingen :) 7. Another nice idea, but I think it could lead to some dreadful names as well. 8. Like 7, a creative idea that might end very badly for the child. 9. Yes, this is a nice idea, though I don't think there are that many names with such associations that correspond to the whole range of activities that people might like. 10. It's a nice idea, but there is NO WAY that I would let some members of my family name my child, no matter how much I love them and want to honor them. (For example, my siblings and I were all named after Narnia characters, so my mother would never get the chance to name a grandchild, and my mother-in-law's favorite names are Kyleigh and Jayden, so again, no way! If we have another child and want to honor a loved one, my husband and I will retain full naming rights! :) BQ 1: I honored both of my husband's late uncles who died when they were teenagers in a car crash. I gave my son two middle names because I didn't want to honor one over the other and I didn't want to use either as a first name. (His name is William Frederick Robert.) If I have another son I'll name him Samuel Vanderford, as Vanderford is a traditional male middle name in our family. BQ 2: You seem to have done a very thorough job! The best that I can come up with is if the honoree was of a specific heritage (Irish, Italian etc.) and you chose a name from that tradition.
2016-05-21 02:44:09 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am having a matron of honor and maid of honor matron is my sister and the maid is my best friend so ask if she is willing to do that even though the mom shouldn't be forcing the cousin on her my mom tried to do that with me get a cousin of mine i can not stand don't want at the wedding who still happens to be invited as a bridesmaid and i put my foot down i was like i cant stand her really don't want her at my wedding but if i have to that it we can invite her to it end of it. good luck in helping you friend out
2007-07-12 15:50:54 · answer #5 · answered by ladylynx26 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask your friend what she wants and then stand up to Momzilla. Family has nothing to do with it. Its nice but the bride gets to have who she wants as her Maid/Matron of Honor. It should be someone she feels close to and comfortable with because the M/M of honor is the one to help the bride keep her cool and calm in the pressure of the wedding and reception. She needs to stand up to her Mother and let her desire be known. If she can't stand up to her own mom how is she gonna stand up to a husband and all the responsibilities she is undertaking when she walks down that aisle. As a good friend you should remind her of that.
2007-07-12 15:52:33 · answer #6 · answered by CindyLu 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She needs to tell her Mom to butt out!! She should have the person that is closest to her be the Matron of Honor. Your friend is the one getting married, not her Mom. My Maid of Honor was my best friend, and my sister was a bridesmaid. That decision should be left up to the bride and no one else. Good luck with this one!!
2007-07-12 15:51:06 · answer #7 · answered by Darlene mouse 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
The person who is the very closest and means the most should be the Maid of honor! Whether it's a friend or a family member doesn't matter!!
How does the bride feel? How would the cousin feel if she knew that she was 'stealing' your place? I think the bride should do what's in her heart and let the family deal with it.
2007-07-12 18:10:47 · answer #8 · answered by Amy P 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it's ok for a friend to be the matron of honor instead of a relative, especially if it's what the bride wants.
2007-07-12 15:56:36 · answer #9 · answered by Ginny 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh boy, what a way to start a marriage. There's nothing you can do--either your friend stands up to her mom or she gives in. My friend didn't include any of her family--it was only friends in her wedding party. There's not set rule, but geez this is a cousin, not a sister, so go figure. This is the bride's day and she should have the wedding of her dreams, not her mom's.
2007-07-12 15:53:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋