My 9 year old niece's dog Roger just died and is distraut. Roger was sick and old but had a good life when he was younger and was beloved. My niece asked me to explain where Roger went. I lied to her and told her that he was alive but left his flesh and went up to heaven to get well again. And that he would return in the flesh but only God knows when he will come back. She's doing better now because she has hope that she will see him again but its a fuking dirty lie. And shes expecting him to rise up again. I feel horrible. Should I?
2007-07-12 15:41:34 · 24 answers · asked by donpineiro 1 in Pets ➔ Dogs
9 years old is old enough to understand the truth.
2007-07-12 16:10:19 · answer #1 · answered by Pom♥Mom Spay and Neuter 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We adults often try to spare children out of kindness. We don't want those kids to feel any pain, and think we're doing them a favor by shielding them from reality. But the death of a pet is a good time to discuss the fact that death is a part of life, and to help her work through the stages of grief. That would give her skills she'll need as she goes through life, realizing it's important to grieve a loss, but that the pain subsides after a while. It might also be a good time to talk about how much her beloved pet was suffering, and that he is suffering no more.
Your motives were good, and I'm sure you had to come up with something on the spur of the moment. Without time to think, it's normal to come up with whatever seems easiest for both of you. Don't beat yourself up too much about it. Everybody makes mistakes with kids.
Don't underestimate a nine-year-old's intelligence and ability to understand. If you want to correct your mistake, you could apologize for misleading her. Tell her you made a mistake, because you didn't want her to feel so sad.
Now that you've had this experience, you'll know what to do next time.
2007-07-12 16:03:17 · answer #2 · answered by Mattie D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her the truth what will you tell her if a family member dies. Apparently she knows who God is so why lie that is a sin and you should feel guilty don't forget to ask God for forgiveness as well.
The death is hard but the truth is always the best especially at her age she is old enough.
Just explain to her that you were also upset and you just thought it would make her feel better but you realized you did wrong and tellher the truth. have a good cry together talk about how she feels.
2007-07-12 15:48:40 · answer #3 · answered by Kit_kat 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I think it would have been much better if you told her that he went up to Rainbow Bridge. Where he is now healthy, romping and playing like he did when he was a pup. And that he will be waiting to meet you all again someday. Then explain to her that this is where God puts all the dogs when they get old and sick. It's is never an easy thing to do trying to explain to a young child about the death of a pet. But it is a part of life and they need to learn about it so they can learn to deal with it as they get older.
2007-07-12 15:47:58 · answer #4 · answered by eskie_mama2 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What you did was wrong, but you should tell the truth. Tell her that you are sorry and tell her roger is in a better place and she will see him in heaven someday. If that doesn't work then take her out for ice cream and say you are very sorry the entire day. If that doesn't work than do anything but lie.
2007-07-12 15:47:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
u should feel guilty. my dog had to be put down on valentines day and i lied to my 6 yr old by telling her he already passed away. she took it well you be surprised how children react. her dad died 3 yrs ago and that was hard to explain to her. since u lied to her the best way to get out of it would be to tell her that he was very sick and he cant come back. sure shell be upset and cry but thats all part of the healing process for her to wait for something thats never going to happen is even more heartbreaking if u tell her u lied she will never trust u again.
2007-07-12 15:48:32 · answer #6 · answered by marianne l 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You did it out of love and to spare her feelings. Can't fault your motivation. We lie to kids about Santa Claus and the Easter bunny. I personally probably would have tried to explain to her the truth considering her age, but we all think differently, and I don't know her personally, so maybe she isn't ready for it. At this point, I would let her grieve a little, then eventually start explaining how death really works. Her friends will also probably do a little educating about it for her. Don't beat yourself up. Your heart was in the right place.
2007-07-12 15:47:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Explain to her that you were feeling guilty (even though there really is no reason for you to be), and that sometimes adults say things that are not true in order to keep loved ones happy. Tell her that the doggie is in a better place and is at peace now. Death is hard to deal with, but lies are even harder.
2007-07-12 15:55:46 · answer #8 · answered by fivespeed302 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well the welfare of a chld was on the line but she should learn that when something or someone dies they don't come back. they are only alive in your memories. Try explaining to her that he is very happy in doggy heaven playing but she wont ever see him again and apologize for lieing but no you shouldn't feel horrible. you were only thinking about her
2007-07-12 15:45:02 · answer #9 · answered by Meri 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Definately feel bad enogh to tell her the truth guilt doesnt go away until you tell the truth what happens when she realizes reality and rodger doesnt back heck she might come home crying cause some boy in school tells her the truth whats that going to make you look like? Think about it.
2007-07-12 15:48:17 · answer #10 · answered by kace 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is a FU&%$#@ dirty lie!!! A nine year old is old enough to handle the truth. Now not only does she have to deal with the death of Roger but also the knowledge that someone she trusts has lied to her!
Make ammends asap.
2007-07-12 15:46:26 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋