Girlfriend wants me to change?

Question

I've been dating this girl for awhile now and there are times when she feels that I need to be:

1) More affectionate - I feel the amout of affection I give is the equal amount to anyone else's in a relationship

2) More sensitive - Sensitivity isn't a guy thing. I'm not on a macho path, I'm just not the kind of person who reveals his personal feelings 24/7

I'm more laid-back, mature, and calm, whereas she can be stressed out and juvenile. This is my first relationship, so she's in more control, yet whenever we have "talks" about me being more of the above, I get sent on a guilt trip and try to change to make her happy. But it doesn't make me happy.

I also don't find it neccessary that if you're looking for that someone, and the one you're with isn't "the one", you shouldn't have to mold them into their Prince Charming.

I've had serious thoughts of breaking up with her, but I'm not sure how to break it to her.

Answer 1

What your saying is totally valid. She shouldn't try to change you this is how you were when she met you and this is how she should accept you, if she doesn't feel like you fit her mould then she should look for another man that she can "change", if per-say you were doing something stupid or weren't nice and there were some bad qualities about you then I think she has a right to say, "look I feel that maybe you should change your attitude towards so and so", but if your doing everything she says you just become someone you re not and you will never be able to please here as there will always be another excuse as to how to change you. It appears you are not happy.

As for how to break up wth her you can explain to her that this the the way you are and you feel like she doen't vyou and is always complaining and trying to change you and that you feel like you need a break from her, I bet you she will come round and not be so naggy. good luck to you

Answer 2

Well my boyfriend said he had the same prob with his ex - believe it or not, she was a single mother with two kids at the time she broke up with him because he didn't show enough PDA (public demonstration of affection). She told him that she felt they weren't in a relationship because there was no PDA at all, although she would tear him apart in bed.

In the end she broke up with him. So if you have doubts whether this relationship will go further - sit down and tell her, the real you is what she is getting now - warts and all. Tell her that if she is willing to stick around and accept you for who your really are, she will see all the good qualities in you that will override the reduced affections.

If she still cannot be patient and give the relationship a try, then forget it - you will drift apart and it is history.

Answer 3

Honesty is best when you break it to her. Also, keep in mind when two people are developing a relationship they share with one another what things they need in a relationship. This is the first stages of meeting and developing the relationship. Just be sure if this is what she is doing, or if she is just trying to change you. It is important to have good communication skills with one another, whether you are ending it or trying to make a go of it. Through communication, if both are honest, is where you will determine if this is the relationship you want or not. If it is not, simply tell her the truth~exactly what you've just shared on this net. Good luck!

Answer 4

Well, tell her that some changes need to be made in the relationship from her end, too, especially if she thinks you need to change. Explain it to her calmly and rationally, and tell her that you feel guilt-tripped when you have your "talks". The most important thing in a good relationship is and open line of communication. If you two can't come to an agreement, then you're going to have to find a way to break it to her.

Answer 5

Well I am a firm believer that if you meet someone that likes something don't be mad if they are still doing the same thing after they are with you. You made that choice.
Now with that said it only sounds like she is trying to be open with you about what she wants, and there is nothing wrong with that.
If she is asking for more affection then maybe she does not feel like she is loved by you, it doesn't matter if you think you are giving her what she wants she is not getting what she needs and she is only voicing that to you.
If you are feeling that mad or uncomfortable about it then you should just be open and honest and tell her this relationship is not working i feel you are trying to mold me into something i am not and with that i feel like we should end the relationship.

Answer 6

Our personalities are formed by age five. It doesn't change much from there.

Look honestly at yourself. There are always things that we can improve about ourselves, and some of those things we may not realize. So think of this as an opportunity to just open up a little more, women need that.

.... oh by the way.... it's worth it too.

So do what you are going to do, and good luck.

Answer 7

She's only sweating you because she's really into you and want to connect with you on a deeper level. That's why women want a man to share his feelings and be more "sensitive". We don't mean cry at the drop of a dime, just tell her when something is bothering you. And there's nothing wrong with giving a few more hugs and kisses.

Answer 8

No one likes to be dumped no matter how you sugar coat it, if it has to be done do it but try to be as mature about it as possible. Don't do it by phone, or text message, that is soooo immature and in poor taste no matter who you are or how old you are. Man up and do it face to face and just tell her that it's just not working out and so your letting her go so she can find someone that more like her.
Your still trying to find what you want in a relationship why would want to stick in one that stifles you so much, I'm glad you made the choice to get out. Good luck to you and thanks for trying not to be rude about it.

Answer 9

There's nothing wrong with change. It's not like she's asking for much. You sound just as jouvenile as her if you can't make those changes. Good luck ever having a signicant relationship if you can't show it by being affectionate! I don't mean to be a jerk but you're lucky she's asking for so little.

Answer 10

Well I am a firm believer that when someone else shows you something about yourself then you should listen. But if you don't want to be with her then let her go, just do it. Tell her its not working. You have to make changes when you want to for yourself and not for her. Then don't call her anymore. She'll get over it and find someone who embodies all the qualities that you lack. Don't stress just let her go.