Declined to be in sisters wedding... is it rude??

Question

To make a long story short, my sister (who lives in a different state) became engaged on New Years and the wedding is in October. Shortly after, she started planning the wedding. She has had her bridesmaids picked out for some time now and I was offended that, being her only sister, I was not asked. Well I believe that word got back to her that my feelings were hurt and NOW she has asked me to be a bridesmaid. After some thinking about it, I declined because I just figured if she really wanted me in the first place, she should have asked.... Am I being rude???

To clear things up... we are not extremely close, we are "half-sisters" but I still consider her my sister regardless. Also, I am still going to the wedding, I would not miss it for the world. I am extremely happy for her. But like the response below says, I feel as though I would be the "pity" bridesmaid, or the cry-baby who wanted to be in the wedding.

As a side note... I declined in a way that I felt was very nicely. I simply told her that with shorter notice I would have a hard time affording the dress and helping out with the bridal shower. And I also offered to help in any other way possible, and even possibly do a reading for her.

Answer 1

You did the gracious thing by declining and offering to help in another way. I would have done the same thing. I too would have been hurt but would not have taken the pity offer either. I think you have acted well; I only wish your sister had thought to do the same at first.

Answer 2

I don't think you're being rude because you're avoiding a situation that would turn out badly. If you went as a bridesmaid you would feel like you were being pitied. Your attitude would reflect it and the mood of the wedding would get thrown off. This particular day may revolve around your sister but your whole life does not. When my sister got married for the FIFTH time I told her I would not be attending the wedding because I didn't support the marriage because I don't think her getting married every five seconds was a good choice. She respected my opinion and had a great day without me. Your sister should realize that everyone has there own feelings and if you feel like you don't want to do this than she should move on. A wedding is supposed to be about the bride and groom. She should only be worried about her soon to be husband.

Answer 3

No, declining your sister's late invitation to be in her wedding party is not rude.
If it doesn't bother you any longer, then let it be, go to the wedding, and enjoy the day with your family. If it continues to bother you, then ask her why you were not a consideration until the last minute. She may have a very good reason. I've heard about this type of thing so many times, and have been part of it too (my sister didn't ask me to be in her wedding party.....and she was my maid of honor the year before!), but the bride to be usually has a very good reason for it....at least in her own mind it makes sense, even if it doesn't make sense to the rest of us.

Answer 4

Since you say you two are not close then maybe that's why she didn't get you as her bridesmaid. You should understand why - maybe she has really close friends closer than you. It's her wedding so it's really her choice in the end.

I think it's only rude if the way you did it was out of feeling bad. It's not rude if you declined politely saying that it's really ok.

Answer 5

Before you make a move wait to see if she changes her mind because her father wont go. If she does great, but if not and your husband wants to go and you have the ability to go just go. If it was your family member I'd say make the call what ever way you want, but since it's his favorite sister I'd let him choose. If you don't go just tell her it's too much for you two to spend. That's the trade off when you have a destination wedding sure you get a beautiful setting, but many people will not go because it's just too much, even for family.

Answer 6

Rather or not it is rude, I'm seriously thinking about not going to one of my sisters' wedding if she ends up getting married soon. We are blood sisters but we have a BAD relationship and I know I sound like a total ***** right now but I find it annoying that the one that was tortured by her so much won't have her cinderella wedding before she does :( Even though I got the boquet at one of my other sister's wedding, meaning I should get married next.

Answer 7

I totally understand where you're coming from on this one. What was she thinking? Anyway, you could ask your sister why she decided to ask you to be a bridesmaid, then explain more about why you declined. Especially with family, I think it helps to be open about your perspective.

Then the key question is, when you get married (if you aren't already), will you still ask her to be in your wedding? Even though she was thoughtless in this case, she's still your sister, right?

Answer 8

Hello,

I think you were tactful in denying the offer to be your sister's Bridesmaid.

After all, she never considered you (in the first place), according to you.

So a denial was in order.

But mind you, no one is OBLIGATED to give a relative FIRST PREFERENCE, at being a Bridesmaid at all!

But in some cultures, that is what is expected!

Bringbaka.
NYC.

Answer 9

I would have declined also. If you weren't good enough for the first choice, then I certainly wouldn't want to be the last choice bridesmaid. I think that she didn't ask you initially is SUPER rude, so your declination is not that bad.

Answer 10

You should still go to the wedding, but I would decline the offer of bridesmaid. You dont want to be a sympathy vote.
I can understand how you would be offended though, especially if you are close.

John S - You have been reported.