I think I adopted the wrong cat?

Question

My daughter picked out a cat at the shelter months ago & we adopted her. The shelter told us she was the cuddliest cat there, not very active & very loving.. We thought just the cat for us! My daughter was diagnosed with PTSD & we thought a cuddly cat would help her. Well when we brought the kitty home she first stayed hidden for a few days, totally normal. But then she started getting more active. But we didn't mind. But everytime you would go to pet her she would bite you for no reason. not hard, but it still scares you. You can't pick her up or she will howl in protest & if you don't put her down within seconds she goes to thrashing & clawing. I have 2 kids & this doesn't seem like a child friendly cat. I thought maybe we just needed to give her time, but it's been over 4 months & it's getting worse. And another thing she jumps in mine & my husbands bed at night EVERY NIGHT & we try to kick her out, but she jumps back up several times & wakes us up constantly through the night!

I feel bad to give her up.. I mean she's not horrible, I just feel like we're not bonding with her, but I feel awful.. What should we do????

Answer 1

I adopted a really nice young cat that panicked when you picked her up same as yours. Turns out she had been carried by kids and they fell on her, she was deathly afraid of being lifted because of that. She had problems with long thin things like broom handles, wood dowels and the cat dancer toy so I think they possibly hit her with it too. (She would stare at the end and hiss over and over, ready to run).

It took patience but we got her over it all. Every time I'd pass her I'd make a point to do a drive by petting--just saying a quiet word to her and stoking the top of her head once, then moving on. Soon she was lifting up her head for the pet. I started lifting her up just 3" off the floor and then immediately putting her back down, praising her quietly for being nice about it. We had to retrain her to know it wasn't a life threatening thing for her to be lifted up. I supported her chest and lower belly doing this--just needed to get her feet clear of the floor.

Eventually she could be lifted to the top of the table if I set her down immediately in front of food--that was her reward for letting me lift her. I'd say her name before I lifted her up too, so she knew my attention was on her.

A cat can panic fast if they experience something traumatic, so you have to be patient. You can't force them to be a lap cat when they feel uneasy.

As for the sleeping in the bed--a LOT of cats want comfort and curling up with cats/people they like when they're tired is one of the perks they do to give themself some comfort. I know it wakes a person up, most learn that the bottom of the bed is safer from people turning over or moving around as they sleep. I've still got one who likes the pillow and we worked out which half I get FIRST then he gets the rest. Sometimes it helps to put a soft blanket on one end of the couch for them to sleep on, they make their little nest there and leave the bedroom alone.

Be patient. Even 4 months isn't a long time to pick up routines between feline and human. You should try adjusting to a feral who can't stand to be touched! Took him 3 years to figure out humans can give massages pretty well. He pretends to bite (we called him shark mouth for a reason) but he never bites down, just pinches a little. I would hold my fist there and he learned he couldn't get all that into his mouth and eventually stopped even trying.

Answer 2

As a owner of 9cats...some I had gotten as kittens and others were unwanted. A kitten has a undeveloped personality. It comes out due to the home that they are in and what kind of temperament they are born with. A older homeless cat might have been a better choice because they have a set behavior. But if the shelter has never had their cats around a child...you still don't know what type of temperament the cat will have. It really is a hit or miss on finding a certain *one* cat that will suit your whole family. As I said...I have many cats and they are all different in temperament and behavior. I did get rid of two, but due to their inability to fit in with the other cats. * the others bullied them so much that they were scared and unhappy* So I found them more suitable homes. I have a favorite that sleeps with me...but some cats do develop habits *conditioning* that you don't like. I will state that you can train any cat if you want too. You can train them with a certain word like *down* it would mean down from a lap, counter, table, bed...etc. But you have to do it continuously. At least until you notice that it listens. A book I read on the training stated to use a plastic and only plastic fly swatter to help it remember ... I guess cats don't like even a little swat! I trained many of mine so I know it works...or you could try adding another one to help change some of its behavior.

Answer 3

Sounds like a typical kitten playing, or just a full-grown cat with an odd personality. Don't bring her back to the shelter, see if someone will take her instead.
A lot of cats are stange, they're very independant and pushy. We have one that attacks feet, and another that wakes us up at 4 am every day for food.
The cat probably would be better off not handled so much, but I doubt it's any dager to the kids. Cats don't attack for no reason, you might want to teach the kids to be careful with her. It;s not the cat's fault, it's just who she is.
Get a rescue rabbit maybe? Few cats I've had are cuddly and calm all the time.

Answer 4

Sometimes cats don't like "kid energy", it makes them nervous. Also, I've found that until they are about 4 years old age they aren't into being lap cats. Many cats don't like being picked up, especially by children or if there's a cluster of people around them. My cats don't like being held very long, once picked up. From the little you've written, it sounds like this cat prefers adults at this point, but probably if your children can learn that they have to respect the cat's needs(don't pick it up, be gentle, let it approach you, etc., see if you can find a toy ---- maybe even a shoelace that the kids gently play with, with the cat....)Why not let the cat sleep with you & hubby, so it can bond with you? Cats are smart and they let you know what they want & don't want. In order to get along with them, you have to respect what they indicate they don't want you to do to them! Put yourself in the cat's paws. How would you feel if giant creatures were always trying to pick you up and it's kind of scary not knowing if they might drop you or hurt you? If you watch your cat's tail as you pet it, you can often tell when it's had enough petting! That sudden change, from peaceful movements to "angry" little twitches, and then OUCH! Sounds like you've all got to break the patterns you have fallen into with your cat & take more cues from kitty, rather than try to make it do what you want it to do.(That's what dogs are for.) Maybe after a while, it will decided it wants to try sleeping with the kids, but for now it prefers you & hubby. The nature of cats is often obstinance! That's what I love about them. Hopefully you won't have to get rid of kitty and instead it will be a learning experience for the children & your cat will come to trust & grow closer to you all. Get some books on cats, check out websites. Good luck.

Answer 5

Thank you for adopting a shelter cat! I am assuming your cat is an adult. Have you taken her to the vet to rule out physical problems?

I foster cats, and I have three cats of my own, so I recognize that cats all have their own personalities. Do not consider it a failure on your part if this cat does not seem comfortable in your family. It is good that you recognize this. Perhaps this cat would be more suitable in a family without children. I would call the shelter and discuss this with them. Then, when you go back to the shelter, try taking a cat into another room and spend some time with her/him. Let the children play, cuddle and handle the cat to see how he/she responds.

You might get some help from a foster group. If you were in my area, I would totally understand and would match you up with an adult cat that one of our people had in their home and knew how this cat behaved in a home.

Answer 6

I know just what you mean, but most cats are like that, I know mine is. Well you can...
1. Spray the cat with water when it is bad. It might learn, it might not.
2. Have a talk with your daughter about giving it up.
Other ideas...
Get the cat declawed (this is what I did) However the cat can also bite. Try pairing with number 1. If the cat bites leave it alone. It will grow tired and so come looking for attention.
If you want something that has lots of affection get a mini Poddle (or something like that) I have one and they are just bundles of love. Keep in mind that your cat is also young and might grow out of it.

hope this helps!
-Shooter

Answer 7

I am not for declawing, its horrible. Nail is trimming is just fine. Imagine someone cutting off the tip of your finger so you dont have to cut your nails anymore.
As for the night jumping part...that on the other hand has nothing to do with the cat not being friendly otherwise. Cats are usually nocturnal, so become pretty active in the evening , when we want to sleep!
My boyfriends cat would do that for the 1st 5 months that he had her! He has a studio place...so no place to lock the cat up!! Eventually she got tired of jumping on us. she still does it from time to time. Otherwise, his cat is pretty sociable. You can do what you want with her, hold her, pet her, but she will NEVER do eye contact with you, and she will usually try to grab at your face! Its scary!! I think I nearly lost an eye 1 or 2 times. But she doesnt do it out of nastyness...she just seems...oblivious. On the other hand, my cat cannot be held for more than 2-5 min and then will complain seriously. But if you respect him like that he is adorable. He will sleep on my lap when I watch tv, cuddle next to me at night...he has his own bad temper, but I know the limits.
Good luck with your kitty hunting, I am sure you will be very happy with the one you get, as they are like ppl, with their own personality. Pets are such rewarding friends when you respect them for how they are! All the best

Answer 8

Your kids have to come first. It isn't like you didn't try to make it work. If it isn't a good fit, it isn't a good fit. You can't force the situation to be something it's not. It sounds like your cat would be a perfect fit for another family, maybe with older children, or other cats to play with. I'd try to find another family that is a more compatable fit. It that doesn't work you should take her back to the shelter and tell them how she really acts in a home environment. With this new information, the shelter should be able to find a home that is more suitable for your little kitty. Good luck!

Answer 9

does sound like you have adopted the wrong cat from their description.
When she goes to bite you or your children, tap her on the paw, and say no, loud enough and in a stern voice.
it might be an idea to get her claws clipped just so they are flat and not able to scratch human skin.

maybe put her in the laundry over night, with a litter tray, and efficient water and food.
If her behaivour persists i would seriously consider giving her to someone else, as she is not safe around your children like this.

good luck.

Answer 10

Under the circumstances, she is not the right cat for you. Call the shelter and explain the situation, including the specific reason you wanted a cuddly cat for your daughter, and see if they will let you return her and get another cat.

This cat is just not the right fit for your family, and she might be just right for someone else.