My husband and I were thinking of changing my wedding ring but all of a sudden...?

Question

Originally we were looking at this specific style of ring that I absolutely fell in love with but the ring was $48,000. There is no way we would have purchased that ring. My husband had our jeweler make a ring similar to the ring but not quite what I wanted. I fell in love with that ring as well. Recently, I lost one of the diamonds from my ring and we took it to be repaired. While we were there, my husband said to me, "Why don't we consider looking for another ring since this was not the original ring you wanted." I was reluctant but he found the exact ring we saw years ago (the $48,000 one) and it was about $12k. Of course the diamond wasn't perfect or as big but I loved the ring. Well recently my husband saw a documentary about how cheap diamonds really are and now he's reluctant to buy the ring. He's actually reluctant about buying anymore diamonds period. I don'tmean to sound shallow but I really love that ring. I was also planning to get him a new ring as well. What should I do?

We have not yet purchased new rings. I was considering removing the diamond from my old ring and having a solitaire necklace made that I can one day pass down to my children.

You don't know me well enough to call me materialistic. I own no other jewelry, nor do I want to. I do not want for anything. I do not ask for anything except love from my husband. I think I have a right to fall in love with the ring I wanted from the beginning. If we can afford a $12K ring. Why does it bother you? I am not asking for you to help him pay for it, just your opinion but you can keep your rude comments to yourself!

I thank all of you who simply gave me your opinions whether with or against. To all of you rude folks...Whatever!! I don't have to prove my love for my hubby to you. God knows what I feel in my heart.

Answer 1

If he is against buying the diamond then why not go with one of those moisonite stones in the setting you like, problem solved, you get the setting you like, he doesn't feel bad buying a diamond. The is an incredible mark up on diamonds, they cost a lot more than they are worth, but a decent jeweller should be able to offer you a good price while not ripping you off, I don't mean a high street jeweller, I'm talking about one of those bespoke ring makers. I'm sorry you are getting called materialistic, I guess when people see the money you can afford to spend on a ring they kind of feel a little jealous in some ways, or that the money you spend on a ring could be put towards a house or something, but then it is YOUR money and if that's the way you wanna spend it then it is no one else's business. Man if I had $12k to spare I'd buy something nice as well, sadly I don't!!!

Answer 2

I see you have your heart set on the new ring, and it's frustrating that he changed his mind about buying, and yes you can afford it.

But sorry, I side with him on this. My fiance and I can afford a $12K diamond too, but there's no way I would ever let him buy me a diamond over $5K b/c I think they're an incredible waste of money, and the diamond industry is making out like bandits with their cartel. I liked the nearly $5K Leo diamond at Kay Jeweler quite a bit, but then I saw the $1K moissanite and went with that: more brilliant and sparkly than a diamond, 9.25 hardness, and it didn't look green in the slightest. A MUCH better value.

As for having him change his mind, you could point out that you don't have a lot of jewelry and are not generally materialistic. But that you REALLY REALLY like that diamond. And (assuming you can) you can certify that at least it's not a blood diamond.

And if you don't get it, consider yourself among the luckiest 1 or 2% of people on the planet that you actually can afford such a thing, and don't need to worry about food or shelter.

Answer 3

Why don't you consider getting your diamond mounted into that ring? That way you would not be buying 2 diamonds. Or trade in the diamond on your original for this one.

I am rather shocked at the idea. Personally I love jewelry. I get jewelry quite frequently for christmas or birthday. My husband buys gadgets--we have GPS, multiple cell phones, lap tops, stereo subwoofers, and projectors--so why does that make me materialistic for having something shiny that I like? B/c its not a GPS. Sometimes the men on here that get on their kick about how materialistic you are --you just have to remember that those guys are SINGLE. Either that or the ones that coined "starter marriage".

Anyway--if you trade in something it will reduce the price or reset the same diamond if the one you got for the wedding is a better diamond than the one currently in that setting.

I feel if you are going to be wearing a ring everyday for the rest of your life you should love it. You love your husband right and this is the man you will be with forever. Yes diamonds are marked up astronomically--but you know what? They don't lose their value either. Unlike a car which people compare it to, when you pass this on to your daughter it will be worth more than the 12K you paid.

Now it is important to be realistic--can you afford it? will it hurt the finances to buy it? will it put you in debt for a long time? But if you can afford it and that is the ring you love, I think you should go for it. To help convince your husband, perhaps explain it to him compared to something he loves. Gadgets, a car. Explain how much you really want this and suggest something you are willing to go without to help make payments (not eating out, less expensive vacation, putting off purchasing a new ring for him) easier so that he will realize --despite a documentary, you really want this.

Not to mention there is a documentary on EVERYTHING. How bad cell phones care, how bad diet coke is for you, how you should always take public transportation to work. You can't live your life by a documentary. It's not about if there is a huge markup, but if the cost is worth it. How much you love it and you divide the cost per time you'll wear it!

Yes marriage is compromise but part of compromise is sometimes you give him what he wants (hint try bribery here) and sometimes you get what you want.

And you want that ring. So if there are no negative consequences (like bad debt) then get it! After all, he suggested you get new rings so it's not some sentimental attachment (especially if you get your diamond reset instead).

Answer 4

If you'd spend the $12K on other discretionary spending, then negotiate. For ex., you can offer to give up great vacations for a few years, or be willing to keep a car for a few extra years instead of trading it in. (He MIGHT actually be planning to surprise you, if he was willing to look at another ring only a little while ago and suddenly changed his mind...you can hope, anyway).

If he agrees, you get the ring you love. If he doesn't, then give it up. You may feel sad for awhile, but it's only a ring and as long as the marriage is good, this is just one of the many compromises that end up having to be made. It sounds as if you have a lovely ring now, and you can focus on the love that he showed by going to the trouble of trying to have a ring made that would make you happy. What a honey! You're a lucky lady.

And to those who say a replacement ring might not have the same sentimental value, getting it can be made a special occasion too. My diamond was reset and given back to me in a vow renewal ceremony in a church, and when my husband replaced my plain band with a diamond band we had champagne in the jewelery store, applause and our picture was taken...fun and special moments that I'll never forget...especially since my husband is now terminally ill. It's all about the love behind the rings, not the rings themselves.

Answer 5

Is the original ring that you fell in love with, one that you could wear as a 'right hand ring' and still keep your original engagement ring? Since your husband is having a bit of a problem with the idea of a diamond, would you consider having a colored stone placed in the setting instead? Sapphire, ruby or emerald maybe. Also that would solve the problem of whether to replace your engagement ring and make it more of a right hand ring.

To the people here who have criticized your question:
I was always taught that everyone has an opinion and the right to express it. That being said, I have gained the wisdom to realize that there are times to leave those opinions to myself. This person did not ask to be personally attacked or held up to your beliefs. She asked a legitimate question. Give her and anyone else that you would think of choosing to air your negative thoughts about, the courtesy of thinking before you type.

Answer 6

You love that ring, and it isn't the value of the ring that makes you love it.

Tell your husband that you love the ring for its aesthetic value, not its monetary value and you would really love it.

But -- don't get him a new ring without finding out exactly what he wants. If the monetary value is important to him, then the "cheap" diamonds may not be a great gift.

Addition:
Don't let those people who call you materialistic or who tell you the original ring is a symbol of the love get your goat. Marriage isn't about the ring, its about the two people and the commitment that you make.

My husband couldn't afford much when we got engaged -- so I had a pretty cheap set. And there is a part of me that was sad to see it go -- but my new ring (an anniversary band) doesn't stick out as much and get caught on his skin so it is much better. He was all for it and I don't regret switching a bit.

Answer 7

gosh, I'm sorry your getting such rude comments! Ask him if he plans to stop driving his car or paying for gas because of how inflated gas prices are? Yes it's true that diamonds have a 300% markup, but not purchasing them isn't going to drop the price. The best thing you can do is educate yourself and search for the best deals! What will really lower the price of an item is people refusing to pay big money for inflated items, but smart money for nice items. If everyone stopped buying all diamonds, then those who charge a lot will just think the market is slow. However, if the sale of expensive diamonds drop, but the sale of reasonable price diamonds stays strong, then the other guys will need to be more competitive. Good luck!
P.S. Stay way from the movie Blood Diamond until after you get your ring ;)

Answer 8

It really sort of depends on what you two can compromise on...the issue is that he morally feels he shouldn't buy the ring...and you feel that you should get the ring you want. My personal opinion is that you shouldn't get the ring b/c he feels strongly about the diamond thing, which is a big deal and its a moral issue, while your is simply an aesthetic. I understand your desire for the ring, but if you can afford that, why not look for another jewel set in a more expensive metal or maybe just a few bigger jewels, etc? Just my opinion...and you aren't being rude or materialistic...if you two can afford it and it is what you choose to spend your money on, go for it, whose business is it other than yours? :)

Answer 9

I pretty much agree with Poodie. Your ceremony sounds gorgeous! (I, too, had an after-sundown wedding at Lake Tahoe and some guests commented they didn't understand why more people didn't do this!). But your reception sounds a little over the top. Don't forget, the reception is to thank your guests, and most guests show up wanting to dance, eat, drink and also catch up with people they haven't seen in awhile. This is why weddings are so much fun. And almost everything you said struck me wrong. For example, slideshow is really kind of self indulgent. If you're determined to have one, keep it VERY short. It's like the jokes about the uncle who forces people to look at his vacation slides. Just not that interesting to most people. And on your plans for the dance. This sounds fun, and if it's a couple who enjoys being suddenly thrust into the spotlight, it could be cool. But be aware many people do not, especially with no warning. It might be better if you could figure out who the longest married couple is, and then try to figure out if they'd enjoy this. My own parents would love it - my inlaws would have been horrified!

Answer 10

Well, he's right, the diamond industry is run by a bunch of crooks. I can certainly understand him not wanting to support that industry any further. If I were you, I wouldn't pressure him. It sounds like you still have a very nice ring. Why not treat yourself to a nice piece of jewelry that doesn't have a diamond, instead? That way you get something nice you'll treasure forever, and he won't feel bad and have negative connotations about it.