I feel like I am ruining my relationship with my mother...... any help?

Question

She'll go out like once or twice a week and I always get stuck babysitting my sibblings.
Everytime when she decides she is going out it is always within a half an hour before she leaves
Everytime before she leaves I somehow always make a big scene but sometimes I don't even remember how I started them
She'll always get really mad and I'll get yelled at
But I hate to see her mad at me so I am always stuck just sucking it up and knowing she's mad at me
But I feel that it could be eating away inside of me and pulling me farther away from her
But when she isnt going out and she has gotten over our last fight I am really close to her
I just hate thinking that she is driving away mad at me
Sometime later after she leaves she'll call to see how they're behaving and she seems to have calmed down and she doesnt seem mad but i still feel horrible and she says she'll talk to me about it in the morning but she never really does
what should i do? i love her and hate whats going on.

I'm trying to prove that i am responsible so I can get a new pet but the only way is basically how well i can handle babysitting my sibs. so i dont know if she thinks i can handle a pet at all....

i really feel horrible and that i'll never be able to handle anytime she goes out and that she will just keep getting madder and madder and we'll keep getting farther and farther

Answer 1

You don't say how old you are, so forgive me if some of this is off the mark, but I'll give it a try...

First, you need to identify what about this situation is bugging you. Is it that she just assumes you'll babysit on a moment's notice? Let's assume that's the issue here, but understand that you have to pin down just what it is about all this that's upsetting you in order to figure out what to do about it.

So... if it's that she does this without notice, then you sit down with her and you explain, simply, without accusations. "I don't mind helping out with the younger kids, but I need to know ahead of time if you want me to babysit. I've got homework I have to do, plus other things I'd like to do, but I can't plan anything because I don't know when you'll want me to babysit."

You do have a responsibility to help around the house, but you also have a right to time of your own - time you can plan on. It's not unreasonable to ask for that. You make clear to your mom that you are willing to help out - you just want time of your own that you can depend on.

You don't have this talk when the problem is going on - you have it when it's not an active issue at the moment, so you can both discuss it calmly.

Good luck!

Answer 2

I'm not sure if I am reading this right but it seems like you are saying she gives you a 30minute warning before she goes out. That is simply not fair. Ask her if she can tell you alittle earlier so that you can adjust to it.

It also sounds like she feels guilty for going out. You could tell her that you are ok with that but need more time to adjust to her change in plans. Especially if you thought she would be there that evening.

Tell her how you feel in a non threatening way, and make an agreement with her, no more yelling.

Answer 3

YOu need to sit down with your mom and say that you want to talk to her like an adult, without the fighting and yelling. Then just tell her how you feel about things, then giver her the chance to voice her opinions too, but remember to stay calm. That is the number one key.....STAY CALM. Then maybe you guys will be able to resolve this issue between the two of you. Just tell her that you love her and you are just tried of fighting with her all the time. And that you would like to be able to have a better relationship with her. i wish you the best of luck.

Answer 4

Hi... i see that you are being taken for granted somewhat, and you have the right to be upset.

first of all, it's great you help out with your siblings but your mother doesn't seem to give you any time or let you know when she will need your help. she's not being fair. i say this and i'm 50 years old! i'd never expect someone to babysit without letting them know in advance. it's just plain rude otherwise!

you can talk with your mother and let her know you love and care for her. let her know you need to talk with her, and want to have a mature and calm conversation.

you can ask her if she'd please let you know the days she wants you to care for your siblings, because you'd rather have time to plan for it, instead of being told at the last minute.

i don't think that's too much to ask....

i hope you and your mother can come to some compromise in this situation. take care.

Answer 5

first off I have to say kudos to you for being such a responsible person and taking care of your siblings. secondly kudos to you for being such a caring person to love your mom so much and care if she drives away mad. maybe sitting down with her and setting a schedule of what nights she is going out might help. at least that gives you an idea of when she is going out. I wish you luck