he and I have been together for four years-after three years he proposed, and asked me to move in with his fam. for 6 months and then we'd get our own place and get married..after I moved 6 hours from home to be with him, he changed his mind and said that we should live with them for him (so he can finish college-which is very reasonable) so I waited a year and now decided to move back home-we are on a "trial separation"
I was ready to come here and start a family with him and then he tells me that he wants me to wait! I wish he would've told me sooner-I need a fam. and if he and I aren't starting our own fam. then I need my fam..we'll get back together (he said we will) until then I'll wait for him somewhere I won't feel isolated..I am isolated here..but now I'm worried: what if he doesn't want to get back together?!? if he leaves me then this was a mistake..because I don't want to leave him or him to leave me..I just wanted to be near my fam. until he was ready to start our own fam.
2007-07-12 12:45:27 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I've been on my own since I was 14---now I'm 18 and ready to be apart of something bigger than myself, he promised me that and now he is going back on his word by saying he wants to wait to fulfill that promise, my heart is broken and I have a right to be alittle scared
2007-07-12 13:24:53 · update #1
I answered your question about not getting vet's treatment for the dog because your boyfriend's dad was controlling the money...and then I stumbled onto this one and read the extra details you posted in the last question.
You sound like the type of person who loves to take care of others - whether it's animals, or your boyfriend's family. A few of the answers I read here suggest you should move on from your ex. I agree. In fact, "trial separation" is male lingo for "I want to be free to experiment with other relationships, and if it doesn't work out, I'll come back to you."
But it doesn't matter. You still have very strong feelings for him and no amount of reasoning, chatting, whatever, is going to change your feelings. You're stuck.
What I'm going to suggest is that you try to create your own life. And by this I mean, create a great single (note the word single, all about you, no boyfriends) life filled with things you love. Centered around volunteering at your local pet shelter, studying to go to college, get a degree in biology, and go to vet school, maybe even volunteer at the local shelter for the homeless. Don't discount your family. Boyfriends, friends, teachers, employers, they all come and go; but your family members have probably gone through a lot of the same problems like you are going through right now...and they'll always be there for you. It's ok to use their help.
2007-07-14 05:08:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be patient, if he loves you, which it sounds like he does, he'll come back to you, but you can't push him to a family if he's not ready. He probably feels that he'd be in a better position to have kids after college - I feel exactly the same way, and even though my girlfriend wants to have kids sooner than i do she gets where I'm coming from so we compromise - try do the same for him - college over = job - money = best life for kids!
2007-07-12 12:49:28 · answer #2 · answered by James K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think u moving out was the right decision. He is not ready for a committed relationship at this point, maybe later he will be. For now, be close to people u know and get your head right. You need to be ok on your own b4 u can be good for someone else -- u cant wait to live your life waiting on him. Be confident in your decision and get a life of your own...if it is meant to be, it will work out. Life is too short to waste it waiting on someone else to be ready to live it with you.
2007-07-12 12:54:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've been trough the same relationship whoas... and as much as it sounds heartless in the place that you are right now. You gotta do what is best for YOU before anyone else. You cant cater your life to someone else's needs. If you do, you will NEVER let yourself be happy. Do what you need to do to be happy at this point. You shoould love youself more than anyone else- and if not, there is a problem you deserve to give attention to! Good luck!!!!
2007-07-12 12:52:57 · answer #4 · answered by phrenitus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As you agreed to his proposal so youi have to wait. Yes, you're relastionship is at risk during that trial separation. What if he can find somebody to take your place? Well and good if you have found your soulmate in his stead, but you are not inclined to do that. Hope for the best but be ready also for the worst.
2007-07-12 12:54:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two jumped in to quickly. Young people are to busy having thier itches scratched that they miss the reality of life sometimes. Then, when it jumps up & bite them on the ***, they loose themselves or each other. If your love is going to last, your both going to have to be patient with each other, & work on these life problems one at a time!!! Its near impossible for a couple to stay a couple living with other people!!! Both of you need to get out there & get to work so that you can both contribute to having your own place!!!
2007-07-12 12:51:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think he will ever be ready. That's a perfect example of why so few women want a relationship with men who still live with their parents. It is out of laziness and the inability to commit that they won't go out on their own. There are lots of men out there that are goal oriented, going to school, and live in their own apartment or with roomates. Lose him. You have given it way too much of your time and it is time to move on.
2007-07-12 12:51:35 · answer #7 · answered by MJ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't sound so independant... What do you have going on except for him or your family? What are you doing to develop friendship outside your boyfriend. Maybe he needs some sapce from being the only thing in your life. Get a life and you'll be interesting again. I don't mean to be harsh but you sound like you really care for him so I hope honesty gets through to you!
2007-07-12 12:52:13 · answer #8 · answered by Karmakitty 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You sound awfully needy, which will give any guy a good reason to wonder what the heck he is doing. You need to learn not to be needy before you are really ready for life.
2007-07-12 12:48:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can't you try to maintain a long distance relationship, at least until he finishes school?
2007-07-12 12:48:19 · answer #10 · answered by Tina W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋