OK, I have been divorced for two years. When it happened, I got full custody of both my kids, and they have lived with me ever since. Recently I started looking around again and found on almost EVERY singles site that hardly ANY women will date a guy raising his own kids. WHAT GIVES? You'd think they would give the guy the benefit of the doubt because he's proven he's man enough to take care of his responsibilities. So what does a single Dad have to do to even get a CHANCE with a single woman these days? I do understand why other single parents might not want to "brady bunch" their kids, but what about the ones who DON'T have any children yet? 10 points to the best answer, and I might even IM any willing to admit they were wrong to dscriminate against guys like me.
2007-07-12 11:26:27 · 32 answers · asked by Rav 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I'm not sure I know the answer to your question. I think it's incredibly sad actually. Single women sometimes think a father w/ 2 kids will be more "baggage" than she can handle. In all fairness to the women, would you rather know that NOW instead of a woman pretending to be into the kids then breaking your heart? You are doing right be telling women ahead of time that you had kids because, to be honest, if I were you, I wouldn't even WANT to be with a woman who wouldn't or couldn't love my children heart and soul. They are PART OF YOU and if they wish to fall in love with you, they're going to have to accept that they also fall in love with your kids. I'm sure it must be incredibly frustrating but keep at it. You'll find a woman who will accept the total package. Don't look at the kids as holding you back or anything. If any woman tells you that, run the other way. Perhaps you are looking in the wrong places too......not sure. Try match.com or Yahoo personals. I found those 2 sites to be great.
2007-07-12 11:32:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not in your situation, but before I was married I did not want to date any man who had children. If they didn't live with the guy, that was ok, but dating a man who had to have a babysitter was a turn off.
As a young woman, I was afraid to be the evil "stepmother." If I were to divorce now (heaven forbid!) I would be more accepting of men with children. I only have one child and she's almost an adult. However, it would be difficult for me to step into a situation with older children who may still hold a grudge against his parents for getting a divorce. A lot of my friends in this situation have a lot of problems with their husband's kids. The ex-wife is often a problem too.
What it boils down to is this - you're finding the wrong women. They just don't want to deal with ready-made families and the troubles that almost always arise from it.
If you are a believer, I would suggest finding a church with a good singles group. There may be women there who LOVE children but can't have their own. Or women who are in the same situation: divorced or widowed with children. You may wind up with the Brady Bunch, but think about how much more love you'll get when you meet the RIGHT woman!
Good luck and God Bless!
2007-07-12 11:37:14 · answer #2 · answered by dranet 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess it would be the same reason most guys discriminate against a single woman with kids...selfishness. Most of the time, you initially pursue someone because it appears that you would have a lot in common with a person. Being a single person without children is a world away from being divorced, now single with the responsibility of raising two kids on your own. It's a different mentality, a different way of living life. Who would want to sacrifice so much, without even knowing you? I assume it would be different if someone had the chance to get to you know you first...then, the sacrifices that come with being a parent or step-parent may not seem so unreasonable. I hope this helps. Good luck with the dating...
2007-07-12 11:37:24 · answer #3 · answered by Miss Sunshine 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hun, it's not discrimination, atleast not on my part. I know that a lot of women want to find a man to start their OWN families w/ and often, men that already have kids, especially full time, wouldn't want anymore, atleast in my experience. I've dated 2 men that have had kids, and neither of them would consider having more which put a damper on my future plans. Other women don't want kids or may not be good with them so they're doing you a favor. There is a phrase "ready made family" and it brings a lot of responsibility onto someone even if both parents are still involved in the childrens' lives, the new B/F or G/F still plays a large role. They have to be a positive addition to that childs life and many are fearful they will not be, or they are just not ready to be a family until they start their own. Does this make sense? I hope I helped. Good Luck, there IS someone out there that will make a great addition to your family, you just have to be patient and she'll find you. K?
2007-07-12 11:36:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think it is a turn on when men take care of their own kids themselves! It shows you are stable, loving, caring, and not afraid of a challenge. Unfortunately, women do discriminate against guys in this situation, but, on the other hand, guys do the same thing to women with kids. Not many single men want to date women with kids....its just how some people think, and what they prefer. I would continue looking for a woman, and not necessarily with no kids, or even a lot of kids, but maybe like one kid......she will be able to relate to you, and therefore, see the qualities in you that i mentioned at the beginning of the paragraph. Keep trying, you will find a lady! Good luck :)
2007-07-12 11:34:45 · answer #5 · answered by skboo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think women see it as being much harder to win the affection of kids, seeing as how kids are usually very emotionally attached to their mothers. It also depends on what kind of women you're going for. There are a lot of women who are emotionally immature and would rather go out and party then sit at home with kids. More than likely, when a guy has full custody, he may be looked at as "no fun" because he won't be able to take a girl out, etc.
I don't agree with any of this, and I could even be majorly wrong, but it's just my opinion based on some of the situations I have seen firsthand.
Don't worry though - you'll definitely find a woman who is going to love you for the fact you are a devoted father.
2007-07-12 11:31:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First I just want to say sorry that you are going through this .. but you will find the right person. Being a father of two beautiful kids means that you have to be even more pickier with whom you date. As dating can lead to more and it has a effect on your children. In time you will find the special person that you are looking for that both you and your kids will be happy to have. Don't ever give up and honestly if someone discriminates against kids - they are just not worth the time or effort in the end. Just keep being the great dad that you are and love will find you. Promise
Ton of hugs Mel
2007-07-12 11:30:05 · answer #7 · answered by jaredsmommy2004 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think all women are like that... then again, I'm a little bit young to be answering this. (I'm 18 btw) But I can see why some possible reasons females may shy away though from single dads.
1. they don't want to have kids (as you've mentioned)
2. kids might not accept them as mother
3. they want kids of thier own blood (i know i would.)
4. afraid they'll be a bad mother and doubts about raising childern well
5. not ready fiannically to raise a family, even if you are.
6. we don't want baggage or second hand families
I think you might have a good chance if you looked for single mothers... just because you're sitting in the same boat. i just hope you aren't one of those fathers who doesn't wants to father another child, just becuase. Another type of ladies you might want to look for are women who want to be mothers because of thier inabilities to be pregant... except i don't know where you would find that. Another one might a woman who doesn't mind adopting childern like orphans.
2007-07-12 11:53:12 · answer #8 · answered by whiteaspiration 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I prefer to not date guys with kids even if they don't have full custody because I want to be the number one person in my man's life. I don't categorically rule it out, but my preference is for the unattached man. I agree with what you said about how raising your children shows you are responsible and that is a good trait, so I'd choose to be your friend over being your girlfriend. I've dated guys with kids before and it just adds to the issues of the relationship, including the pesky ex, the raising of the kids etc. I don't really want to take on that responsibility unless the kids are mine. I know this isn't the answer you are looking for but I'm being honest. I know plenty of women who don't mind dating a guy with kids so good luck to you.
2007-07-12 11:37:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I dont know why... I am married to a man with 2 kids that I adore with all my heart... I wish we had full custody..they are so sad when they leave us...Women are out there, I was. The kids are the greatest blessing I ever recieved and women that won't take the chance are not only missing out on the love of a potentially great man, but the love of a great family they could be part of...keep loooking and keep on being the great dad you are
2007-07-12 11:31:14 · answer #10 · answered by debbie v 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋