how do u control an uncontrolable daughter?

Question

my dad has had various problems wiv my sister and he cant control her. he has tried everything for example: stopping pocket money, groundings, threatened to cut her hair off. but she keeps gettin worse. she is 13 and she is practising things sexually. wot do we do? as he cant hit her as it is now against the law. she is smoking, going from boyfriend to boyfriend in the matter of a week. we need help coz social workers cant get through to her by threatening her with foster/ care homes. please help.

Answer 1

Foster homes and care homes aren't really that big of a threat to kids, because nothing really happens to them, but someone else having to look after them. Groudings get kids in their room, but don't necessarily keep them there. Keeping her from having an allowance just causes her to think she needs to steal to get what she wants and cutting her hair would only cause her to cry "abuse" to social workers.

As a last resort, maybe you could contact your local police station and see if they know of any "Scare them straight" programs around your area. They specialize in showing kids what will happen if they continue to make poor choices (like the ones your sister is making) in life.

Or you could check out a good military-like school for her to go to, to help straighten her out. Chances are the drill-sergeants will be able to get through to her and help her get her life back in order.

Answer 2

She needs counseling.

If her behaviors continue to grow and become worse; the outcome is going to be even harder in the end if she doesn't get the help that she needs now. She could have experienced something traumatic that has caused a serious disruption in her behavior. You never know what COULD have happened.

The benefit to therapy, she will be in an environment that is safe. She will not have to share all of those thoughts, feelings and events with anyone except a counselor. The counselor will not just disclose the information she shares with anyone in the family without her giving the okay.

A counselor will also listen for key information and if it relates to a crime against her, the counselor will have the proper training to help her take the initiative to come forward and resolve that issue as well. A counselor will follow patient-client privilege, but also follow through with rules and regulations as imposed by law.

I hope that you will take the opportunity to show her that you care. Make sure she knows that she is loved and begin the process of helping her to help herself.

Answer 3

It sounds like she is rebelling against something. Perhaps your dad needs to check into getting her into therapy. I know it's never easy to see a loved one go through something like this and feel angry that they are affecting your family, but also helpless in not knowing what to do.

Is it a possibility that your sister is drinking and/or doing some type of drugs (weed, speed, huffing, etc.)??

In my opinion, your Dad has tried everything that he can feasibly do within the limits of the law. The only other options he has is therapy or sending her to a group home somewhere.

I know that it's not easy to deal with this, especially when you hurt emotionally by doing things you think will help make them better. I just don't see where your family has too many options left.

At 13, she doesn't realize how detrimental she is being to herself and to your family. Your family needs to put a stop to it before she hurts herself or someone else. If you don't know what to do, try contacting her school couselor, administrator or school psychologist. Those services are there to assist in instances like this. Best of luck to your family!

Answer 4

First thing, she needs to see a therapist. Once problems with abuse, neglect, or depression have been ruled out, your dad needs to take EVERYTHING away from her until she straightens up. Empty out her room of everything except an air mattress and a blanket. Make her EARN everything back one thing at a time. Put an alarm on the house and don't tell her the code, so she can't sneak out. He picks out her clothes for her every day. Once she starts acting like a civilized human being, she can start getting things back.

Answer 5

There is always boot camp!!!!!!! Or you can petition the courts for a P.I.N.S. petition which is persons in need of supervision....basically she will have to answer to a probation officer and if she violates too much the can send her to a foster home or juvey hall...or place her in a work program of some sort..

GOOD LUCK!!!!!

Answer 6

tell your dad to stop threatening and make good on his threats.
Cut her hair like he said he would etc...
The problem is your father's inconsistency.

When the problem becomes more of a criminal nature or her sneaking out.. it's time for councelling and perhaps he should contact Juvenile Justice in your community.

Tell your Dad to start being a serious parent.

Answer 7

Spank her butt, ground her to her room. Take everything out of her room except 2 changes of clothes and the bed with sheets/blanket. All your dad is required to give her are clothes to wear and a safe place to live. Take all the extras away, she hasn't earned them. He can take meals to her room 3 times a day. If she calls the cops, then he can go to jail, then tell the judge to take her away if they think they can do a better job of raising her.

Answer 8

First off your dad has to get it in his head he can not "control" your sister. Nobody can control anyone. Sounds like maybe some family counseling might be order. Your sister may need meds also. Take her to her doctor first and go from there. Good Luck.

Answer 9

Every day and every time you pass your sister or look at your sister you and your dad should say I love you I really really hate to see you ruining your life and your health but if that is what you choose it won't stop our love

Answer 10

You didn't mention God or Church.
Have you tried that approach - praying to God?
Humble your heart to Him and plead for your sister's life. She is heading down the road to self-distruction and doesn't care about herself (from what you described). You and your dad obviously love her, yet your love just isn't enough.
That is why you turn to God.
God loves you; God loves your sister and it brings tears to His heart to see your sister do such terrible things to her life.
Pray every morning. Pray every day. Pray every evening.
Pray that God will send someone who will reach her and bring her back to her senses and self worth. Pray that God will make her heart soften toward you and your Dad's attempts to love her. Pray that no harm will come to her before her eyes are finally opened to her bad behaviors.
Pray that God will give you & your Dad strength to keep loving her despite her ways. Pray that God will answer your prayers soon.

And remember to include "in Jesus' name" at the end of your prayers. Jesus carrys the messages of your heart to His Father. Jesus won't let you down, either.

God bless and be with your family during this really rough time!
071207 5:38