In my readings, I have "discovered" that it is not appropriate to invite guests to the shower who have not been invited to the wedding. This is entirely understandable, and causes me no concern or problems. I'm just a little out of the loop on a few things, as the only shower I ever had was put on by my (ever so gracious) coworkers, none of whom were invited to the wedding.
At any rate...if this is the case, how do you justify asking the guests for two gifts? Won't they already be sending a wedding gift?
???
2007-07-12 10:36:20 · 13 answers · asked by abfabmom1 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Wow...So far, every single answerer has completely mis-read the question! Amazing!
Let's assume it's my problem...I'll try to reword it.
Considering that you only invite the same group of people to both events (as is appropriate etiquette), then doesn't it appear to them that you're expecting them to give two gifts? One for the shower and one for the wedding?
For the record, no one is asking for gifts. No one wants to invite co-workers, or anyone else who is not on the wedding guest list. No one except Christina ever said anything about "make-up gifts".
And no, LittleTricky, you don't give at the wedding to make up for the expense of your meal...you give at the wedding because you CHOSE to give a gift!
And while I'm at it, for LittleTricky and WaterLily, the event with my coworkers happened 15 years ago...try reading the question!
2007-07-12 11:06:13 · update #1
I guess the point is that it seems to me that it adds extra stress to the guests to go to both events. Seems to me like etiquette in inviting them to both events creates its own etiquette problem in that they will feel the need to buy gifts for both events.
2007-07-12 11:08:10 · update #2
Yes, sniffydogs, I am truly a joy to work with, and it was exceptionally kind and considerate of my coworkers to have given me a shower! To top it off, they even had the grace to do it after work, at someone's home! I am very lucky to have had so many awesome coworkers over the years!!
2007-07-13 08:50:46 · update #3
I don't think most guests look at it materialistically. I'm totally happy to choose a special shower gift and attend a shower, because they are always totally lots of fun, and just such a great time when all the ladies get together - and grandmas are giggling just as much as the teens! The idea for the event is to 'shower' the bride with good wishes and love, with gifts too if guests chose to do so. Then, the gift for the wedding is a more substantial-type gift, which again, we as a couple thoughtfully choose, and gladly give.
When I was a bride, and on behalf of my groom too, we 'expected' nothing in terms of gifts, meaning we had no expectations, had no registry, etc. Anything we got we know was given purely from the hearts of our family and friends, and to help us set up a home, and we were truly grateful for everything!
2007-07-13 02:18:58 · answer #1 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you are worrying too much. Lets break it down:
*Don't invite people to the shower who are not invited to the wedding. Its rude, and may cause hurt feelings. (Like, "I'm good enough to come to the shower, but not the wedding?!)
*When attending something like a bridal shower, I think most everyone assumes/knows to bring a gift. That's just how these things work. It doesn't have to be anything over the top extravagant, just something nice for the bride or bride and groom together.
*Its not like you are asking for 2 gifts by inviting people to both events. Think of bridal shower and wedding invitations as a way of saying to someone, you are important to me and I want you to share in this special time. (Gifts are just a bonus!)
So, don't worry so much about gifts and who buys what and how many. Just have fun, and appreciate all the people who are there to support you.
2007-07-12 14:58:43 · answer #2 · answered by theMrs. 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
that is why I never had a shower for my wedding. and if I was invited to a shower and then the wedding, I would only give one gift. there is no reason to have to give 2 gifts for 1 event. I would think most guests would know its ok to only give 1 gift and any respectable bride and groom wouldnt expect any gifts at all so it shouldnt be a problem. a friend of mine from work went in to get me a wedding gift with all the other girls from work (a gorgeous new set of gold trimmed dishes) and when she came to the wedding she never gave another gift because she already went in on one and I was mor ethen greatful for that gift no bother being worried about getting another. I would worry too much.
2007-07-12 14:56:35 · answer #3 · answered by Jenn ♥Cadence Jade's mum♥ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if someone is not invited to the shower and only the wedding, they only bring one gift. i would never ask anyone to bring a "make-up" gift. they did not have fun at the bridal shower so i do not think they need to make it up in anyway.
so basically it is one gift per party. i bring a gift to the bridal shower and a gift to the wedding. if i was not invited to the wedding, i would not attend a bridal shower. i would send a congratulations card and be on my way.
wow: that is all i can say. if everyone reread your question wrong, i would REALLY assume that you worded it wrong.
at any rate, people who attend showers often attend wedding showers bring a small little gift for the bride usually, nothing fancy. the bigger gift is often given at the wedding. i do not see how buying two gifts creates stress. i find shopping for other people fun and i often shop for them together, so my presents can go together. what is the point of buying a gift if it causes you stress.
i don't think anyone ASKS for wedding gifts. a gift comes from the heart and people should only give if they want to give. plus, the bridal shower is not put on by the bride so she is not asking for anything, she is merely the guest of honor.
many people see the bridal shower as a way to SHOWER the bride with gifts and the wedding present is more a useful item for the couple to use.
2007-07-12 10:40:23 · answer #4 · answered by Christina V 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Usually if someone has a shower, the guests are invited to the wedding. If they aren't invited to the wedding they don't have to send a gift.
Kind of nice for the co-workers to get a gift even though you didn't invite them to the wedding.
You must be a real joy to work with.
2007-07-13 07:51:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Usually the bridal shower gift is a gift specifically for the bride and the wedding gift is for the couple so while they bought a gift for the bride, the recipient of the wedding gift is different and I wouldn't be concerned with offending anyone.
2007-07-12 12:20:58 · answer #6 · answered by mariea 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The shower gift should be far less expensive than the wedding gift. Usually it something small for the kitchen or the home, just a token gift to help the bride set up her new home.
2007-07-12 10:40:53 · answer #7 · answered by notyou311 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
At a shower gifts are expected, since you "shower" the bride and groom with gifts.
At a wedding, gifts are NOT required, unless they choose to give you another gift.
2007-07-12 11:46:49 · answer #8 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you mean two gifts from the people who ARE invited to both shower and the wedding?
Well, its two seperate events. then again, I'm not good at stuff like that.
2007-07-12 10:40:42 · answer #9 · answered by kujiiiro 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
If you don't want 2 gifts skip the shower.
It is expected to receive 1 gift per guest at shower.
and 1 gift per couple at wedding
2007-07-12 11:55:46 · answer #10 · answered by Cher 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋