Ok, I'm still in a bad mood....maybe now someone can relate the Flood story to me again to make me laugh?

Question

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AgKvNfEwKWjRqfjV95LiFmzsy6IX?qid=20070712105422AAEmKYA

ROTFLMFAO!!

I love you guys!! These are all so hilarious!!

This will have to go to a vote, I can't decide.....

Answer 1

I have another story that may make you laugh harder. Just like the story of the flood only a select few will be delivered according to this story.

It goes like this -- I Thessalonians 4:16-17 -- "For the Lord Himself shall descend from Heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God, and the dead in Christ shall rise first; Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air, and so shall we ever be with the Lord." -- IN REALITY THIS WILL NOT BE FUNNY FOR THE ONES LEFT ON EARTH AFTERWARD. THE ONLY THING THEY WILL HAVE LEFT TO LOOK FORWARD TO IS THE WRATH AND JUDGMENT OF GOD.

I bet your really in a bad mood now. Repent and believe the Lord for salvation and your mood will change dramatically!

EDIT: AFTER READING ALL THE STUPID AND INANE COMMENTS IN HERE BY THE "INTELLIGENT" CROWD, THUMBS DOWN SHOULD FALL LIKE RAIN SHOWERS FLOODING MY ANSWER. BUT THEN YOU JUST MIGHT NOT DO THAT SO I WON'T GET IN A BAD MOOD LIKE THE ILL TEMPERED ASKER OF THIS QUESTION. TRUST ME - I AM MORE MATURE THAN THAT SO THUMB AWAY.

Answer 2

Once upon a time there was a guy named Noah and he thought he heard something. He was a little wacko so he attributed the sound to his goofy idea of god and soon afterward he started banging planks of wood together until it took the shape of an upside house about the size of Shae Stadium. He began collecting animals after that until he had seven pigs, a goat and a camel with a few million fleas. When it started to rain the following Monday afternoon, oddly Noah and the animals ducked into the upside down house and disappeared for better than a month. It was a long hot dry spell that everyone hated, they were worried about the oigs - really, nobody ever saw a hair of Noah the whole time but then, sure as chit, there they he was and he was constantly callin' out "Lord, Lord please lay off the these dang waterworks." Finally somebody got the idea to try and contact Noah by carrier pigeon to make him release the animals, especially the pigs and soon after, he did come out. All the animals except the for the pigeon where there, too. When questioned about the pigeon and was it OK, Noah answered, "Dern pigs ate the whole effin' thing before I could get'a bite of it... " he scowlled, "And, ya can tell god for me that I'll never gunna sail with no effin' pigs again.! Not ever..! Effin' flood or no effin' flood.! I hate effin' pigs. They stink up the poop deck."

[][][] r u randy? [][][]
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Answer 3

Jez and what a mess - As it was supposed to be an open adoption I dont think you have done a lot wrong especially if you have written to them on a regular basis (before they moved). And we can all say in hindsight that we shouldn't have done this or that but you have you cant change it so dont try to. There is never a good time to tell a child that he is adopted but just how long where they going to wait? I had always known and couldnt imagine anything worse that being sat down on my 16th, 18th or 21st birthday and having that dumped on me. Therefore I suspect that they had no intentions of telling him which is irresponsible and dangerous - (everytime I go for a health check I am asked parental medical history and I say pass I dont know so the doctor knows what would happen in your sons case if something was missed). Additionaly what would have happened should his adoptive parents died and he came accros an adoption certificate - he would have no one to ask the questions he needs answering - it really doesn't bear thinking about. However for the sake of your son you now need to be very careful and from your message you appear to be doing the right thing where your son is concerned. It may be worth forewarning his adoptive parents that as far as you are concerned they have failed their/your son and you will not allow them to do that agian - you are not going anywhere and suggest you meet to come up with a solution that puts the feeling of the child first. Also tell them that you will respond when he gets in touch with you. They are trying once agian to sweep this under the carpet where it cannot be seen Good luck on this one - I have a sneaky feeling you are going to need a lot of it. But if your son wants a realtionship with you then you cannot refuse him,

Answer 4

Once upon a time, it had never rained upon the earth. There was a water canopy that prevented rainbows, and a magical mist to water the plants. One day, God decided that the people were having too much fun, and that he was going to show them. Noah built a bigger boat than should have been possible, and filled it with at least two of every critter, possibly some dinosaurs as well.

The rains came, flooded the entire world, and caused the Grand Canyon and the Cambrian explosion. Noah sent out a bird, it came back with a twig, and they found dry land, and saw the first rainbow. Noah's kids saw his butt, and he didn't like that.

The end.

Answer 5

In the begining...Ooops wrong story.
In a small primative town in the middle east, a man decided to write a story about how an imaginary sky person told a man to build a boat and cram all of the animals he could find into it. He left out the important parts about how he managed to feed and clean up after so many animals, but included a neat story about a dove and a rainbow. (Maybe the writer was kinda gay) Anyways after the flood waters dried up Noah got plastered and passed out in a tent, where one of his son's laughed his hiney off at him for not wearing any undies under his kilt. The end.

Answer 6

one day there was so much flood ( liquid water ) that noah had to build a ship that housed all the animals 1 of each pair ( the male and the female ).

some agnostics argue that it is impossible to build such a huge ship as the quantity of wood would be more than the 5-year's planning of the former sovjet-republics.

We will see that this argument is not sound.
The animals that could swim ( ducks ) didnt have to come aboard , ... i need to drink for this .....

Answer 7

God made the earth perfectly. He allowed Lucifer to tempt eve even though she didn't have the knowledge of good or evil. Surprisingly she wasn't able to tell right from wrong and ate the fruit, suddenly realizing she was nekkid.

The resulting sin caused mankind to do lots of bad things. God got upset and realized that his creation was in a bad state, so decided to start over, and kill all the naughty babies.

He chose Noah, a faithful man, to propegate the do-over. He then told him to build a boat, smaller than most ocean liners in existence today, and miraculously kept it intact, even though Gopher wood, should collapse under that much weight.

He then caused two of EVERY species to travel to the middle east and board ship. Kangaroos were the last to show as they had to swim, or ride on the backs of whales to get there.

The dinosaurs were also having premarital sex and as a result were not invited on board.

The Ark was stuffed, and all the animals were corked so that the resulting fecal matter wouldn't sink the boat, and it started to rain for the first time in history. This was good, because prior to rain, the morning dew needed to supply the lush earth with water was very oppressive.

Water covered the earth and the ark was miraculously able to stay afloat, even though overloaded with over a million animals. 40 days later, the water evaporated quicker than anytime in history.

After evaporating, the resulting moisture in the atmosphere floated into space and aparently made its way to a large moon near jupiter named Europa, (there may be fish eggs that made the journey) then quickly froze.

Noah finally got out of the ark and got right to repopulating the earth. He was taught many procreation positions that are unknown to us now, as he was able to create, Asians, Blacks, Whites, Innuits, Indians(American and Asian) and many other human types that exist today without the possibility of evolution.

Then he was given a rainbow, because God thought that he might be Gay.

I think that about sums it up.

Answer 8

I have another story that may make you laugh harder. Just like the story of the flood only a select few will be delivered according to this story.

Bablylonian God Ea had decided to eliminate humans and other land animals with a great flood which was to become "the end of all flesh". He selected Ut-Napishtim, to build an ark to save a few humans, and samples of other animals....


Cracks me up every time.
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Answer 9

God loves us so much he nearly drowned the entire planet, leaving only a few humans to incestuously repopulate it. The dinosaur eggs were eaten accidentally. The unicorn just missed the boat. All freshwater and saltwater fish became friends and didn't complain about lack of a living environment. The devil then hid the geological evidence of this flood while he was planting the dinosaur bones.

Answer 10

like a lot of stories in genesis, it tells the history of the human race in terms that people living in a chalcolitic society could understand.
they wouldnt understand that we lived on another planet that was destroyed and had to skidaddle, so utnapishtim or noah or whatever took a spaceship with frozen specimens of all creatures and flew the skies.
once humans landed on earth they lost their technology and had to go back to being stone age people etc.

how's that?
the story of the tower of babel is similar. it talks about the ancient internet ;)
aint the bible cool :)

Answer 11

Some dude got on his boat and packed a bunch of animals with him.They were hangin out for days without knowing where they were because Al gore had not invented the compass yet.
One day they finally arrived and lived like in survivor.
That pretty much it.