How do I tell him>?

Question

Hi. Ok. My parents have been divorced for 11 yrs ans i am 16> my dad is selfish and really never does anything for me > they take child support out of his checks becuz he will not pay > he can afford it> he thinks that ppl are out to get him and he is basically crazy> hes 40 and lives with his parents still becuz he wouldnt pay for the farm or his truck or the bank took it away>> my mother has always been there for me and taken care of me before herself> i dont want to end up like him and basically need to stay away from him becuz hes crazy> im torn

Answer 1

i would say, make your visits with him limited, if he lives at his parents, perhaps you could see him at major times of the year, say holidays or his birthday, with his parents present,
he is your father, so i think you can find some respect for him, even if you dont like him or his ways (you dont have to)
as a teenager, you really are not expected to want to spend your free time with your parents, nor should you feel guilted into it
my daughter, after my husband and i divorced, would see him for visitation, until she reached around 15 or so, and was old enough to make her own decisions, then she limited her contact, not because he had done anything horrible to her, but because she didnt find it comfortable or enjoyable to be around him
talk with your mom about this, perhaps she can help bridge this time of moving away from him, not to make it her job to say you dont want to spend time with him, but to help you find your way, what i did was explain my daughter was busy with school, getting ready for school, friends etc, or even make up reasons it was not convenient for her to spend alot of time with her dad, so she slowly moved away from seeing him alot, while maintaining a relationship with him, and sparing his feelings to some extent

Answer 2

Hi. I grew up with a somewhat similar situation. How do you feel about it that your dad isnt around? Im sure it hurts. Other kids have dads that care right? But you may feel like your dad doesnt care about you, and if he does something it's probably only when its really convenient for him so he can run up and say hey look how good I am Im not a bad dad. When I was your age I knew my dad didnt really care too. If people care they show it right? Well anyways, speaking from experience I think its best if you tell him at your age and get your feelings heard so you dont go on holding a grudge. You may be surprised at what he says too. From what you say it sounds like he may have some problems. I think what you should do is try to talk to him and if he gets all on the "I am good youre a lousy son" trip then you can say screw it youre a lousy dad. But he just might say hes sorry too. Unfortunately, you probably will have the be the one to be the grownup and confront these issues first. Good luck to you!

Answer 3

I'm not sure what your question is. You seem to understand and explain your situation very well. You should stick with your Mom, be good, work hard, etc. Treat your Dad with respect, don't call him crazy, but don't trust him to do the right thing. You should make a decision to stick with your Mom, do the right things, etc. and don't feel bad about making that decision. Maybe you can have dinner every week with your Dad. Has some change happened that you didn't tell us?

Answer 4

I want to tell you that I truly sympathize with you... I have passed similar situations... so my advice is simply: you are 16 yrs old, you were chosen by God to come to maturity earlier that the other ppl of your age, so just be honest. Tell him what you really think as your child. then you will be more calm and take your life in your hands. do not waste your time with those thoughts... you have a whole life in front of you...LIVE IT.

Answer 5

Rule Number One: You Cannot Pick Your Parents.

I capitalized all that because it is to be taken seriously. We all end up like our parents in one way or another. I was no happier about it than anyone ever is. However, if you consciously work at it for all of your life, you can try to live your life differently. But beware! As soon as you let your guard down, the parent-isms come creeping in.

Answer 6

Seems to me like you know what you want to do. But you still have that feeling of he is your father, you dont want the guilt, or to hurt him, even though he is the way he is. I know how that feels. you just have to tell him. you will feel better that you did, just know, however he reacts to you, thats not your fault. Just know that you tried. Thats all you really can do, Just stay with your mom, tell her how much you appreciate her everyday. Dont get wrapped up in your dads issues.

Answer 7

Just because he is like that don't think that you will end up like him. Your obviously a very smart 16 y/o and as long as you make sure you try and be better than him I think you will be fine if you talk to him. If you truely don't want to talk to him simply tell him his ways are effecting you in a negative way and until he changes you would rather not speak to him. Don't get your hopes on him actually changing though.

Answer 8

i wouldn't be worried about becoming like him. you obviously have more respect for your mom than you do for you dad. though you might not realize it, you've naturally chosen her as a role model. so i wouldn't worry about becoming like your dad. you don't have to tell your dad you think he is crazy and you feel that he is a bad influence on you. honesty is the best policy, but obviously you don't want to offend your dad, so be careful when choosing your words and how you say them. start off by telling him a few positive things that you like about him, and then tell him how you feel without attacking him verbally. don't say, "dad, i think you're crazy". say, "dad, when you (insert action) you make me feel (insert feelings). this way you are speaking against his actions and not him personally.

Answer 9

Honesty is the best policy. Tell him and your mom that you no longer feel like being around him is the best policy. Its one thing to deal with him if he is a positive influence in your life, but if you think that his negative behavior will "rub off" then tell them. I'm sure your mom will understand how uncomfortable you are being somewhere that could affect you negatively in the future...good luck

Answer 10

I am happy at least you have one responsible parent. Now finish school then look for a job .Be responsible
.Support your mother sooner or latter he will see his mistakes.love yur wife and children wants you get married