My fiance's bestman is the most pathetic I have ever seen. He hasn't even called us to talk about the wedding or plan anything. We told him he was bestman like 6 months ago. My fiance called him 3 weeks ago and said, "The wedding is close, so we would like to do our bachelor/bachelorette parties in about 3 weeeks. That would be this weekend. He sounded all excited then, but hasn't planned anything. My MOH and mother are planning mine and I noticed that when I talk about it my fiance seems to get depressed. So I called his bestman today and he informed me that he didn't even ask off of work for it. So I decided to throw it for him and do something special for all the guys invited. I love him to death and I want him to have as much fun as I am going to have. Should I confront his bestman about how upset I am that he has no interest in his so-called bestfriend's wedding or leave it between the two of them knowing my fiance won't ever confront him?
2007-07-12 07:16:28 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
The worst part is that's not his style. He normally loves planning stuff for his friends and having fun with the guys. I don't know what his problem is now.
2007-07-12 07:22:25 · update #1
No he has no one else. He has one brother that's not into that kinda thing and we chose to have just a bestman and a MOH. No other bridesmaids or groomsmen.
2007-07-12 07:23:29 · update #2
I think you need to read the whole question thoroughly before you answer Luv2Answer. I said I'm having one, so I want him to have one too and have fun. I think that's more generous than it is selfish. Also, I'm not going to be there. I put another guy in charge of the details. I just got the location and I'm paying for everything. Does that really sound selfish? The bestman is just too busy with partying every weekend.
2007-07-12 07:32:43 · update #3
Yes, I believe you should confront him. If he agreed to be the best man, he agreed to responsibilities. If he cannot uphold his end of the deal, then it is his mistake and he need to take action on his part to rectify the situation.
It sounds like shirking responsibility may be his style, but hold him accountable. You are doing great, by the way. I am glad to hear that you are helping out to make your fiance's pre-wedding days memorable ones. You will make a GREAT wife. Good luck.
2007-07-12 07:20:05 · answer #1 · answered by txofficer2005 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I would say something to him. I would probably mention the fact that even though he was chosen to be the bestman, he had the choice to back out when he was chosen to let someone more responsible to take care of the bestman duties. You said that you explained to him his duties (to take care of the bachelor party), so he can't use the excuse that he didn't know what a bestman is supposed to do. I would definitely confront him. Don't be too mean, because I'm sure your fiance still wants you two to be friends, but just let him know that you're very disappointed and that your fiance will feel let down. Maybe he's never done the whole wedding thing and doesn't understand, or maybe he's having a bad year. Either way, I'm sorry you had to plan your fiance's bachelor party, especially with not much notice.
2007-07-12 07:25:02 · answer #2 · answered by JP 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Guys are guys. Let's be honest, best man or not, no guy is as excited as a woman about these type of things. No straight guy has ever read a wedding magazine or paid any attention to what is protocal.
For the average male, being best man means renting a tux, standing next to your buddy at the alter, and perhaps giving a toast at the reception... end of story.
There's usually one or two guys in the group that says "Hey, let's do this, this, and this for the bachelor party. It isn't ALWAYS the best man. After throwing out the ideas, the groom will often decide the guest list, and whether or not he wants hookers, or merely strippers.
If the guy doesn't have any good friends who will do this, who does he expect will show up for his bachelors party?
2007-07-12 12:30:00 · answer #3 · answered by Kirk S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best man probably has not clue as to what he needs to do for the groom. I think that I would get in touch with the other grooms men and tell them that the best man has done nothing, and was wondering if they could plan something fast, or take over your plans for your future husband. You are now learning that men are strange beings. More than likely he just has no idea what he is suppose to do. At this point I think that you do need to speak to him to let him know that it was his responsibility to plan the bachelor party, or at the least speak to the other groomsmen and male friends to plan something. And that you also need to know if he is going to be at the wedding. Just be as nice as possible because i think that he just don't get it. Typically the role of the best man is reserved for the father of the groom, but there may be circumstances that are none of our business that would cause otherwise. I think that it is awfully kind of you to go ahead and plan his party, but try to and see if the grooms men or other male friends will take over the plans for you.
2007-07-12 07:27:05 · answer #4 · answered by mrs_endless 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your Fi did a bad job in picking his best man. No offense, but why would be pick someone that is not crazy about being in the wedding party. There isn't much you can do now. Just have your Fi call him up and ask him if he wants to do this or not. If not, find another best man.
As for the bachelor party, doesn't he have anymore groom's men. They can plan it. It's not a written rule the best man has to. Does he have any brother's or cousin's he's close to? They can plan it also.
2007-07-12 07:21:15 · answer #5 · answered by Answer Girl 2007 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, if there is no one else, then you are doing the right thing. I'm sure he knows what is expected of him. He just doesn't want to help. My MOH was like that too. My other bridesmaids did the bachlorette party and she tried taking credit for it. Anyway, I would call him and give it to him straightout. "are you going to help plan a bachelor party?" If he didn't know it was expected of him, he will now.
2007-07-12 07:49:46 · answer #6 · answered by sun day 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you choose to say something, don't go overboard...remember there must be a good reason your guy chose the best man so you need to respect that, but I agree with having someone else throw him the bachelor party. Even a brother or a cousin or another friend - your man needs a good send off!
2007-07-12 07:23:56 · answer #7 · answered by Pineapple Princess 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Leave it between the men. Your fiance could ask some one else in his party to throw trow the bachelor party. Or if you have already done it have another man be in charge of making sure is goes well. I would tell your fiance if he wants to change best man he should do it now.
2007-07-12 07:22:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say it but a stag isn't a requirement for before the wedding and it certainly isn't something that the bestman HAS to do. If the bestman doesn't want to plan one, he doesn't have to. It's not part of his mandatory duties.
2007-07-12 08:08:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he didn't realize that being in the wedding would also mean that he is supposed to give the bachelor party. Did anyone even tell him, before you phoned him today?
Maybe when your fiance called him, he thought it meant that he was invited to the party. If you expected him to do it, someone needs to say so.
2007-07-12 07:26:54 · answer #10 · answered by kiwi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋