Okay, so i kind of have a dilema and could use some advice. My parents have been divorced since i was 2 and my mom has been with my stepdad since I was 3. Now i love my dad, don't get me wrong, he tries...sometimes...but he really hasn't been there for me throughout my life. Ie. i helped to raise his two boys, my little brothers, and at one point had to take care of him in his drunken stupor. However, my step dad has always been there fore me and is an awesome guy. I mean he's not my dad but if i need him he is there for me.
So my dilema is, can i have both of them walk me down the aisle without it being a problem? I want to honor both of them rather than just one, but i'm the only girl for my dad and my stepdad has a daughter. I want to have them both walk me down, but i don't really know how they will react to that idea. Any similar situations? Ideas on how to break it to them?
:: side note:: how to break it to our families it will be a dry wedding? no alchohol!
2007-07-12 06:51:43 · 13 answers · asked by Gonzo's Wifey 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I'm in a similar situation. My parents separate quite some time ago, but the situation was not exactly amiable, so I have gone back and forth over who would give me away.
I think that having both of them walk you down the aisle is a wonderful idea. I would suggest telling them both that you love them both and that they mean so much to you that you would be honored if they would both walk you down the aisle. If they do not seem receptive, then explain to them that this is what will make *you* happy. This is *your* wedding day.
On the note about the wedding, don't make a big deal about it. I think that a dry wedding/reception is a great idea. In fact, that is my plan. I have been straight forward about it the entire time I've been planning. All the etiquette sites say that you never mention what you are not doing in invitations and the like, only what you are. If the subject comes up, just let people know that you are not supplying alcohol. If they ask why, just give them all the positive reasons (it saves money, it helps avoid nasty 'tv-like' scenes, it prevents the younger people from sneaking anything or getting a nasty surprise if they pick up the wrong drink, but most importantly, you don't want alcohol at your wedding).
2007-07-12 07:46:47 · answer #1 · answered by Leo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's your day- you can have whatever you want at your wedding! Here's an idea- walk halfway down the aisle with your stepdad, and then they can switch and you walk the rest of the way with your biological dad. I'm having a similar issue- I'm not engaged yet, but when I do get married, I figure I'll probably end up inviting my dad. We're not super close, and I actually didn't see him at all between the ages of 12-24. I just recently reunited with him 3 years ago. My brother is quite close to him, though, and I think it would really hurt my bro's feelings to exclude Dad from my wedding. On the other hand, my mom's boyfriend is such an awesome guy and I definitely want him to be a part of it too. My solution is: NOBODY gets to give me away! I will dance with them both at the reception and they will be there for the ceremony, but I have decided to just walk myself down the aisle, or have my English bulldog Manny "give me away!" It's different for me, though, because I figure I'll be 30 before the big day, and I've been living with my boyfriend for the better part of 3 years now, so I don't think anyone really needs to "give me away," back to my own apartment!
As for the dry wedding thing- that is your choice, and if your families have an issue with it, tell them to bring flasks with them!!!
2007-07-12 07:06:01 · answer #2 · answered by fizzygurrl1980 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I had a similar situation, except I was determined to not have my biological father at my wedding. My stepdad has been my "real" dad since I was 15.
If you want them both to walk you down the aisle, that's perfectly appropriate and not that uncommon. When my mother remarried she had her biological father walk her down the aisle and both her dad and stepdad walk her up to the alter.
Don't let anyone tell you your biological father is the only one who can or should walk you down the aisle. If both these men have been father figures to you, they both deserve that opportunity.
2007-07-12 07:31:59 · answer #3 · answered by tnk3181979 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is your day and if you want to have them both walk you down then do it. Ask each of them, separately, how they feel about it before though. Your step dad may feel it would be awkward or that it is not his place. If there is a problem, then you could find another way to honor them both.
Just don't mention the lack of alcohol. You should not have to justify what you want on YOUR day.
2007-07-12 07:14:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Coming from experience I would say let your biological dad walk you down the isle...but what you could do to let your stepdad feel special is right before the wedding party comes down the isle, have him and your mom walk down ...then at the reception have a special dance with him as well as your "real" dad.
As far as dry weddings go ...you do not have to have any excuse for it. It is your choice and people should and hopefully will understand that.
2007-07-12 07:00:04 · answer #5 · answered by Kelly 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I was at a wedding where the dad walked the daughter down to the asile where mom and step-dad were standing and then handed her off to step-dad and he was the one who actually "gave her away". it was really beautiful and knowing the relationship everyone had it was very appropriate.
side note: we had a dry wedding...and some people thought we were crazy but in the end everyone had a great time and it was not a big deal. it can be a hard discusion though...it was easier in my case b/c my husband is a youth pastor so we had that to back us up.
Feel free to e-mail me if you want to discuss it further.
CONGRATS!!!!!
2007-07-12 09:03:38 · answer #6 · answered by MICH 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, all I can add is this...my brother has been "Daddy" to my niece since she was two years old. She does not call him dad, and loves her biological father. My brother, however, has been the one who has loved and supported her all of her life. Her bio dad has given support when it was taken from his paycheck by the court. I can only hope that when the time comes to walk her down the aisle, (she is 24) that it is my brother who has the honor.
2007-07-12 07:07:23 · answer #7 · answered by N0_white_flag 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think the half-way down the aisle thing would be nice.
Don't worry about having a dry wedding. On the invitation, below the reception information, just put No Alcohol Served. Keep it simple.
2007-07-12 09:44:36 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your father will always be your father no matter what. You should have your father walk you down the aisle. But I think it would be nice if they both walk you together, but how would your dad feel about that? talk to them both and then decide what you guys should.
2007-07-12 07:04:15 · answer #9 · answered by Ethan's Mama 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is you wedding and what ever you want can happen. Since they both love you I bet they would be delighted just to make you happy. About the dry wedding, it is your day and as long as you and you fiance is happy having a dry wedding, then that is all that counts.
2007-07-12 07:09:46 · answer #10 · answered by LaTrice B 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋