My fiance and I got engaged in June and have set our wedding date for October 27th of this year. We agreed to plan the wedding together. We have picked our venue for the wedding/reception and have paid the deposit. WE still have LOTS of other things to get. When I bring up that we need to (example) go pick our invitations so that they can be mailed out in Aug, he replies we have LOTS of time. I asked him to tell me what he doesn't want to be involved in, as far as the planning. He said just you getting the bridesmaid's dresses (which I agree, he don't have to be apart of). But, I feel when I want to discuss some things about the wedding planning, he sorta changes the subject and then wonders why I get so frustrated. Is this action normal for the groom to be? Should I go ahead and finish planning the wedding without his advice?
2007-07-12 06:46:37 · 20 answers · asked by beth v 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Let's just say it's not terribly uncommon. There are some men who are really excited about planning all the details of a wedding, but there's a higher percentage who don't really care about the details so long as there's a wedding.
I kept trying and trying to get my beloved involved in the planning. Finally he admitted there were only three things he cared about in the entire wedding:
1: live music...which we'd already arranged for
2: enough food that nobody would go home from the reception hungry...which we'd already figured out
3: at the end of the day, he'd be married to me, which was sort of the point of the entire exercse.
Once I understood he just plain didn't care how we got married so long as we did, I stopped trying to involve him and did what I pleased, which worked for everyone concerned.
Maybe instead of asking him what he doesn't want to be involved in, ask him what he DOES want a part in. And if he doesn't really want to do anything beyond showing up, then don't expect a lot of help with the invitations and things.
Also, some of us are just plain bad at guaging time for things. I've been known to think I had plenty of time when the deadline for something important was approaching. If he wants to help with invitations, tell him you're ordering on a specific date and tell him if he hasn't given you an opinion by then, you will order what you like and he's stuck with it.
Then follow through. He'll get the picture.
2007-07-12 07:08:54 · answer #1 · answered by gileswench 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If he says he wants to help, don't ignore that or leave him out, but you need to plan around him if he won't sit down & sit anything in stone about when you can even go & plan. Honesly, even July is late to order invites for an October wedding. They can take a month or more to get back sometimes. You have a reason to be stressed. Since he doesn't like to plan going, plan it for him. Pick a time & day he is free. Tell him in advance, "honey, we need to order the invites in time for them to come in & be mailed out, so I made an appointment to go look on Friday at 6." That leaves the door open for him to still help, but it's something that needs to be done very soon. If he continues to be like this after you set up a time & date for the invites, keep doing it with the other things you need to plan for your wedding. You do NOT want to wait till the last minute for any of this, then the stress won't even be managable. Good luck.
2007-07-12 17:38:36 · answer #2 · answered by layla983 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that for the most part u can shop around and pick the two favorites and then ask him to help u decide between those 2. Sometimes if men have to many options they get stressed. Also try to plan a time during the week that u will dedicate to planning and that way it doesn't come up when he has other things on his mind and he knows that he has to set that time apart to plan. Hope this helps and may u have a great wedding.
2007-07-12 13:57:53 · answer #3 · answered by **tu<3nina** 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think there could be a few things going on here. One- guys don't tend to be quite as excited as us girls about planning to begin with. Don't think that that means he isn't excited about marrying you! Two- too many options can turn him off. From my own planning, it worked out well for me to pick my top three choices (be it for vendors, favors, etc.) and to present them to my fiance and then choose from them together. Three- he may not feel like he is in charge of anything or that he "owns" a piece of the planning. Talk to him and see if he'd be willing to be in charge of a few things. Maybe looking for a band or DJ, or working on a wedding website, or planning the honeymoon. Finally, sometimes guys just don't realize how much there is to do. He's sort of right in that you do have time left before you need to do invites, but what he might not realize is that in the time period you also have 50 other things to do! I'd get a planning list from someplace like the knot or wedding channel.com and talk to him about it. Go ahead and tell him that you are worried about getting it all done and either needing him to help some now and throughout or wanting to know if he is OK with you to keep going on your own to make sure you aren't too rushed at the end. He'll want to enjoy all the fun pre-wedding events too! Hope this helps! Congrats!
2007-07-12 15:59:22 · answer #4 · answered by Nic 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm going through the same thing right now (my wedding is the same day as yours). My fiance started off being very helpful and completely participating in all the planning. Now, six months later, I think he's suffering from burnout and he never wants to do anything anymore. My advice to you is that both of you need to set aside just one day of the week together and just do as much wedding stuff that day as you can fit in, then he has six days to recover. If that still doesn't help, then just do it all yourself or ask a bridesmaid for help instead. If he doesn't want to help out, then he can't complain about anything. Good luck and congrats!
2007-07-12 15:46:41 · answer #5 · answered by BostonBabe 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whoo! Another October bride. I was married this last October, and planned our wedding in about 3 months (I'm a HUGE procrastinator, and wasted most of the year we were engaged...). The invitations took me FOREVER to choose, so the sooner you get started on that, the better. It's pretty normal for them to not want to deal with it, though. My husband was in between. Some things he wanted to do, others he didn't. I have trouble making decisions, so much of the time, he had no option but to help me. We had a sizing problem with 2 of my bridesmaids, and when I suggested letting them wear tan instead of green, he had a cow! It was really funny. Everyone began calling him Groomzilla after that. I couldn't have cared less what they wore, I just wanted to make it through the ceremony.
But basically, if he's not interested in helping you decide on things, then feel free to make them without him. Just remind him of his attitude when he starts whining about something he doesn't like. ;)
2007-07-12 13:59:55 · answer #6 · answered by Souris 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
He's being a GUY. It can be frustrating for sure
Truthfully, all that hoopla is overwhelming and he just doesn't obsess over the number of rosebuds in the MOB's corsage the way you do.
So set your budget in stone - not a penny over and hire a wedding planner who will obsess over the pink versus yellow rosebuds with you.
The big decisions - reception menu, cake flavor, invitation design, guest list, band and bridal party - give him 3 choices max - and let him choose.
Appreciate his blase approach. Don't take this whole "big day = dream wedding" too seriously. It's all hype and you'll get all caught up in the whole mess and become a real pain in the neck to be around.
Think of this - if you end up a bridezilla - he'll end up walking out.
2007-07-12 14:03:52 · answer #7 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
don't worry sometimes guys just don't understand how importnant a wedding is to the bride. My finace forgets everything I tell him, so I just keep on planning. Don't get discouraged and maybe get some help from your maid of honor. Show him what you have planned and make the decisions yourself if he is fine with what you choose. I thought wedding invites go out 4-6 weeks before the wedding. That's when i'm mailing mine. Good LUck...my wedding is on the same date!
2007-07-12 14:33:10 · answer #8 · answered by Poppy 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
sadly, most men don't care about weddings like women do. there's really nothing you can do to force him to care, so just do him a favor and leave him out of most decisions. you can ask him what he DOES care about, and consult him on that (for my husband, it was the cake and the honeymoon). otherwise, just make the rest of the decisions yourself and ask him for help with stuff like putting together invitations and manual tasks that require no decision making.
as for the timing issue, you do need to pick out your invites now. you could spend all your time convincing him why (explain all the steps involved in sending invites and when they have to be sent by). or you could just say "honey, I have been doing wedding research online, talking to other brides, etc .... I think I know what I'm talking about." hopefully he'll get the hint and shut up.
I did most of the planning for our wedding, but I did try to at least consider his tastes when picking stuff. but for most stuff, I knew he would have no opinion, so what's the point in asking? I usually would make a decision and then say "don't you think this a good idea" and he usually said yes. good luck!
2007-07-12 14:07:41 · answer #9 · answered by not margaret 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
That's totally normal for a groom to behave that way! Most of them couldn't care less - just tell him when to show up and what to wear and he'll be happy. I hate to say it but at least you aren't alone! I can tell you right now my bf would do the exact same thing planning our wedding. I know you probably want him involved, but ask your mom and bride's maids to help - they'll be more interested and just show your bf two choices that you're going between and ask him to give his opinion. At least he'll be somewhat involved and you'll feel better about the situation.
2007-07-12 15:11:39 · answer #10 · answered by tink 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋