How can I punish my two year old son without spanking him?

Question

He gets so angry when he doesn't get his way & he either hits me or throws things at me when he's mad and I'm tired of it! Time-out seems to only anger him further and spanking hasn't worked either. I don't want to beat my child. I want to make a lasting impression with the punishment, not a harmful one.

Answer 1

first-help him understand him emotions. tell him calmly you understand he is upset but he may NOT hit. For time outs-strap him in the high chair and do not get him out until he has calmed down. then talk to him again, if he gets mad-turn him back to the corner. then go back when he calms down and says he is sorry. You may even have to take a toy away from him and put in on the counter or cabinets where he can see it and you can remind him why he cannot have it. give it back the next day.
He is young and in his little mind-the world SHOULD revolve around him. Sometimes the getting so mad is not an intentional "being mean" BUT he does have to be punished and learn he cannot act that way
also-lots of positive interaction when he is being good.
nothing wrong with spanking him either, honey-just dont do it all the time. save it for the BIG ONES, so they know when they get a spanking that must be really bad! (like running out in the street, hitting you.. something that could really harm him or, some one else BAD, disrespecting authority)
good luck to you

Answer 2

Man do I feel your pain. My 8 year old has a habit of stealing. I've caught him 3 times. First time he stole something from a store. We went back and had him return it to the manager and made it seem like a HUGE deal hoping to stop him from doing it again. Then he comes home from school with some schoolyard thing that he said his friend told him to take home (sounded like a dare...). So once again a lot of talking...and high hopes. Last weekend we caught him taking a toy from a friend of his. Not a big toy, but something that wasn't his. I getting a little bit annoyed that somehow he's not understanding the principle here. So now I'm taking his toys away from him and telling him that they're going to be given to kids that are less fortunate than he is. And I'm not taking the old toys. I'm taking last years big xmas presents away. I haven't taken them to goodwill yet, and I may not depending on how he is over the next couple of weeks...it's hard to give away the $$$$.... No matter what you do, just remember that you love your child and want the best for him. And you know what works with your kid. If he's a bit defiant, then sometimes it takes a stronger message. All we can do is our best. No parent is perfect. I'm always worried that I'm going to screw the kid up and send him to counseling for the rest of his life, or worse -- that he'll end up like me ;) Somehow, I'm hoping that the challenges we face help us (and our kids) grow into better folks. Remember, what other people think of you is none of YOUR business(in this case those "non-spankers" you've heard from here) . Just do your best, and that's it. The universe takes care of the rest -- eventually anyway! Good Luck!

Answer 3

Wherever he is when he throws his tantrum, immediately stop him by saying "This is not acceptable." and place him in a "Naughty Corner" or "Time Out" spot in the room, wherever is easily accessible. Then tell him that he will sit there for 2 minutes appropriately. If he is throwing a fit, hitting, or throwing things, he is only doing that for attention. Bear with this and hold to the fact that he must sit there and calm down for the two minutes. If he moves out of the spot, without a word, put him back. Once he is calm, tell him why he was put in the Naughty Spot and tell him he must apologize to you. If he has made a mess have him clean it up at this point (once he is calm). Remember that with a 2 year old, everything is a power struggle and you have to stay strong with whatever you choose to do and don't give up. YOU are the adult in the situation and YOU are the one who is to be treated with respect because YOU, not a 2 year old, have the life experience to know WHY you are doing this.

Answer 4

There was a little boy I used to baby sit when i was younger, and he would do that, and I had mom and dad's permission to spank. I would always call mom or dad before I did, and I always felt sort of strange spanking someone else's child, so what i started to do was i had a time out area, and he would have to go and sit there and face the corner and if he acted out I made him stand up w/ his nose int he corner and he would stand there for like 5 minutes or so(all of this w/ mom and dad's permission of course; he was 5)and then when his time was up, he would have to pick up his toys or whatever he was refusing to do, and he would lose his t.v. privileges for the rest of the day until mom or dad got home, and then he was their problem.

I know you said time outs anger him even more, so that may not be such a good idea, but I have a friend who bought a "Time out Bear" for her son, and it has a time on it, and sings "The timeout song" and the bear sings when his time out is over, that may be something to think about....

Good Luck, I am not sure what else to tell you.

Answer 5

Honestly. Consistency is the only way to get through to a 2 year old. As long as the rule is the rule, no matter what, and you are choosing your battles, (the hitting and throwing things seem like a good place to start) he should be fine in time out.
Now I don't watch Super Nanny regularly, but from what I caught on time outs, she has some valid points.
Did you know that your time out place should be the same where ever you are. ( I chose a corner) and you can't sit there and hold him in it, or restrain him, otherwise, he wins.
Be consistent!

Answer 6

Consistancy, is always a good answer, but the old saying "those who spare the rod, spoil the child" is still true today. I am not suggesting you hit your child but a child that doesn't go unpunished doesn't learn respect for your authority as a parent and will continue to push your buttons and act poorly. I started standing my child in the corner for short periods, when he would act up. I would tell him what he did wrong, and then tell him that because I loved him I had to punish his bad behavior, cause I don't want him to grow up being bad. Then I would stand him in the corner, in the begining I would have to sit behind him but now he just turned three and he will stand in the corner by himself. It was very hard at first, but now he understands. I always hug and kiss him and make sure he knows I love him. My father used to tell me after I got punished "the parents that don't disapline there child, are basically telling them"go ahead, play in the street get hit by a car" and telling them they don't love them". Now that I am a parent I do understand what he was saying to be, misbehavior only gets worse, and if it continues unpunished then down the road your child could get in alot of trouble "hit by a car"!! Standing a child in the corner, gives them a time to settle down, and consontrate on what they did wrong, unlike a time out in a chair. In a chair the can still see the world, and interact with it , they don't have to consontrate on changing their behavior. With a corner in their face, their problem becomes more obvious.
Good luck with raising the next curtious, thoughtful, kind and upstanding citizen of the next generation!! :)

Answer 7

If a child lives with approval, he learns to live with himself."
Dorothy Law Nolte

Positive communication is a tool to reinforce good behavior and eliminate bad behavior; it builds self-esteem and inspires confidence in children. And it's easy — once you get the hang of it! Children's feelings of esteem are very highly influenced by their interaction and relationship with their parents. All children need to feel loved and accepted, and you can communicate those feelings to your children by the way you speak.

Face your child and maintain eye contact.
Always allow your child to finish talking and complete his statements.
"Labeling is disabling" — label the behavior instead of the child. Incorrect: "Billy, you are a bad boy." Correct: "Billy, it is irresponsible to leave your toys all over the place."
Help your child learn to talk positively.
Try to start your statements with a reinforcer, such as, "Sara, you are a very bright girl; now, let's talk about the best way to get your homework finished." People are more responsive to positive statements, but make sure your compliments are truthful. Children, as well as adults, will see through false flattery.
Correcting behavior
In the book Meta-Emotion: How Families Communicate Emotionally, by John M. Gottman, Lynn Fainsilber Katz, and Carole Hooven, the authors discuss educator and psychologist Dr. Haim Ginott's basic plan for positive reinforcement. The four basic parts are:

Recognize and acknowledge the child's wish.
State the limit calmly and clearly.
Point out ways that her wish may be partially fulfilled.
Help the child express the resentment that arises when limits are imposed. "I know you would like to watch the TV show now, but we will tape it and you can watch it after your homework."


To be used only after positive reinforcement fails.

Punishment is the opposite of reinforcement, and causes the probability of behaviors to decrease after a punisher is applied. Like reinforcement, punishment comes in two forms:

Positive punishment changes the surroundings by adding an aversive stimulus following a behaviour in order to decrease the likelihood of the behaviour occurring in the future. An example is shocking an animal whenever it pressed a lever pressing which had been previously reinforced.

Answer 8

I know you said time out's seem to angry him further, but I still suggest you try it, maybe in a different method. My first niece they worked perfectly... the whole put her by herself for the number of minutes that equal her age. Her little sister was the opposite. She could carry on forever! So I would leave her in the same room as me, but I would turn on the TV and watch it and COMPLETELY ignore her, unless she moved from her timeout spot and then I would just put her back in. She would carry on for 10 to 20 minutes the first 7 times or so, but then she would be done and come and cuddle, and we would chat about it (as much as you can chat with a 2-3 year old lol) and it would be over. I do not believe I have permanent hearing damage from the times, but that is still to be questioned ;-). Anyways, after around 7 times of the really Loooonnnnggg tantrums, she would go to time out, cry herself out in a couple minutes, and then come say sorry. I would always be in the room so she knew she was safe and not abandoned, but I also felt that she needed her time to have her melt-down.
That being said, I haven't tried the technique on any of my nephews or other neices, but they aren't as headstrong as this particular one!

Answer 9

This is why it's called the "terrible twos." It's inconceivable that a grown adult would physically assault a tiny child. All it does is teach him that violence is a solution to a problem and we have too much of this already. It's almost impossible to reason with a two-year old. The best thing you can do is let him throw his tantrum until he's exhausted. If he hits you, say "no" very firmly, but don't hit him back. This only proves that you're allowed to hit and he isn't.

Answer 10

Sounds like consistency hasn't been practiced! Time out for a 3 year old is appropriate. Time out should be 1 minute for each year of their age. You gotta keep putting them back if they move from the spot. You have to be consistent each time and between the parents (if applies).