18 and running away?

Question

As an atheist living with a VERY religious mother, there have been obvious problems for years now, particularly in regards to me bringing 'evil' into the house in the form of fantasy novels and odd items.

After bringing yet another 'evil' item into the house, she told me either it goes, or I do. Although perhaps I'm being a spoiled brat, this has just been the final straw. I've dealt with this for over 5 years now and I'm so thoroughly tired of it all it's making me physically ill.
She is sick and dragging me down with her.

The problem is that I work as part of her family cleaning business. I'm not financially independent and have only about $140, no car, no close relatives(They all moved away from her) and few close friends(none I can live with).
She thinks she can keep the business without me, but she can't really do all the work herself and no one will agree to work for someone who can't always give them their whole paycheck due to rent being due.

Any advise would be welcome...

Answer 1

No, don't run away. If you must, make sure you have a place to run to.

This is life. It is full of pleasure and not so pleasurable things. You don't expect everyone to agree with your views! do you!

I don't mean to be hard on you.
But, grow up, you are only 18, and you are going to have lots and lots of reasons that would make you want to run away. Learn from it, and grow, not run away. If that is your best solution! expect to be running all your life.

My Dear, You are part of her family, after all she is your mother. Don't forget where you came from, because if you do, you will never know where you are going to. If it does not kill you, it will make you stronger. Learn from it, all of it. There will be the right time for you to move out, but from the look of it, it is not now. If you don't want to help her out, and work for her, then find yourself another job, get enough money to support yourself, get your car, and move out. But, before you do, make sure that you can support yourself, and not end up homeless.

GOOD LUCK

Answer 2

Sounds like a tough situation. I'm not sure what you mean by "religious" but if she has a relationship with Christ and understands the Bible, then she should not be condemning you about "evil" things being brought into the house. You are still so young and maybe just going along with her until you can get another job and move out on your own will help. I know it will be tough to suck it up, but you don't sound like you have any options. Maybe try to find a roomate to save on rent and live close enough that you can just walk to work. And I hate to say it and you probably don't want to hear it, but she is the mother and you do still live in her house, so her rules so to speak even though you are an adult now. Get a second job and save every penny and try to make it on your own. Good luck!

Answer 3

First of all, I can respect that you are atheist, but please don't think that all religious or Christian people are crazy like your mother. You're probably smart enough to know that but I just wanted to put that on record. Second of all, I would just tell you mom that you are planning on moving out and that she needs to hire other help. Save up some money, get a job that is close enough to an apartment complex/house to rent so you can walk there or take a bus. Next, get a Friend to move in with you so you can split the rent. It's hard work to live on your own. If that sounds like too much at 18 (which I wouldn't blame you if it was-it's hard for any age) then try to work things out with your mom. If she's willing to send you to college or let you live there for free then it may be worth it.

In my experience, it costs at least $1,200 each month to live on you own with food, rent, car and insurance, utility, phone, etc. Good luck.

Answer 4

Okay, right off the bat, I'm a Christian, perhaps not as theologically conservative as your Mother, but know that I am probably somewhat biased to her point of view.

I am the parent of a headstrong 14 year old and another head-strong 11 year old. What I tell my kids is that when they are living on their own and are economically independent, they can make their own choices in life. But as long as they are living on my nickel and in my home, I reserve the right to exercise some veto power. This doesn't mean I don't let them have some independence; who has the energy to fight them on every issue? But I can understand why she feels the way she does.

Why are you an athiest? I am guessing she took you to church at a younger age, probably even "making" you go. What happened in your spiritual upbringing that turned you away from God? Are you willing to talk about this with a pastor or even a secular counselor? I think herein lies the root of your conflict with your mother. Frankly you both sound stubborn; its not surprising that parents who are opinionated have children that are also opinionated, but with different opinions.

You need some outside independent counseling on this. I would prefer you talk to a pastor, but even some secular counsel on this would help. Realistically, I don't think you have the wherewithal to move out at this time. So you are going to have to come to some "peace" with your mother. This involves her probably giving on some things as well, so eventually both of you will have to sit down with whomever it is that you choose to mediate all of this.

Answer 5

You're a teenager. Teenagers and their parents don't get along. Unless you have your own money and a place to stay, I don't think running away is an option for you (not to mention that running aaway from your problems instead of facing them is very immature and childish).

Now, if your mother is being abusive, that's another story. In that case, I would say that you should get out ASAP and find a shelter or religious organization that could take you in until you get things straightened out. Or confide in a trusted teacher or another adult.

So it looks like you're probably stuck. Try to work things out with your mother - get counseling if possible. Talk to your school guidance department about this - they may be able to help. See if they'll schedule a meeting with your mother and then the two of you can talk about it. Or talk to your doctor. Talk to SOMEONE if you can't talk to your mom. Is your dad in the picture?

And if you're that desperate to get out, then get a job and start socking away some money. Babysit, mow lawns, do some freelance writing, work at McDonald's. But you're not going to be able to do anything without your own money. If your mother takes it from you, then open a bank account and don't tell her, or stash it in a locked box and hide it in your room.

Answer 6

It is your mother's house and she has the right to keep whatever she wants out of it. I think you ARE being a spoiled brat. If you can't afford to live on your own and you have no where else to go, you better suck it up and obey her rules. You may be 18 but you are living under her roof. I don't think she is sick, she is trying to teach you what is right and guide you down the right path. You might try listening for once. You might actually learn something that will change your life.

JOY

Answer 7

Wow ... uhm I would suggest going along with whatever mom wants, because you do live in her house. Whatever is, is, and will be, because it's her house and you should be going by her rules. Religious or not, you live in her house, you should respect her wishes. I mean you'd want the same if the tables were turned, I'm sure. So go along with mom, and do as she wants, until you've saved enough money on your own to get a car, and until you've afforded your own place and can move out.

Other than that, you can't live off of $140 and live in a box on the street. It just doesn't work that way, sorry.

Good luck!

Answer 8

listen, until you move out of your mother's home, you have to abide by her wishes/rules of the house.

to me you have no real complaints until u have your own home and she tries to control you.

my advise:

find another job
stop buying all these things that she does not want in "her house"
save your money then move out

in the meantime:
try to keep the peace
put all of your "evil" items in storage
stop thinking so highly of yourself, that she cant make it without you. SHE CAN AND SHE WILL, whether you believe it or not
*and you dont know what another person will or wont do for even a piece of a paycheck*

at 18 years old, you should be prepared for the unexpected - one day she may not give you the choice of trashing an item or leaving. she may actually pack all of your things FOR YOU and CHANGE THE LOCKS.

final bit of advice: stop complaining about your mom and her faults and get yourself prepared for the adult world of taking care of yourself.

Answer 9

You are in a tough situation because though you are hating her actions I can tell you care for her. Lower your fists a bit and get some more money together. Also, you must choose for you-the best decision possible. Sometimes the box we try to put our loved ones in-the personality or relationship box-- Just doesn't fit. We have to re-route our cranial matter. See her for her love and caring but as someone you have a hard relationship with. Its time for you to grow and discover who you are-not determined by nagging or guilt. It sounds like you are smart enough to do that. Don't totally ace out "religion" because of her either. Find your growth factor-whether that is "God". the Earth, your inner spirit and your personal spiritual growth (as in no stupid commercialized churches etc-my problem with religion nowdays) or whatever. My best inner growth I think comes in the forn of a view of the valley I live in in an early morn walk. Alternative rock is going on my ipod and I'm sweating and my art projects are soaring and I fall for my hubby all over again and things like my sister's anger and hated words (see-we all have one) and money and life are sucked away-its the physicalness of it I guess. I get opened to possiblities again. You go get another job and get your college-PT if need be so you NEVER depend on ANYONE for anything. Go find all those wonderful people out there who are looking to be your friend that you haven't metyet-and that guy. He's out there too. I read everything, so do my kids. My son is 19. He's both into anime books, fantasy,religion,history and all-and I think HE rocks! You'll be fine. You need to go be on your own but let any bad feelings go. She's just different. Maybe its the best she's capable of.

Answer 10

Sounds like a classic case of it being time for you to stand on your own two feet. Perhaps the best course for you at this point would be grin and bear it for now while looking for a job to support yourself. Once you have the job and can afford to go out on your own then go for it.

Just be careful about rushing out on your own when you are not financially able to support yourself. If you start this way it can be a long road to improving your situation. One thought though. Once you find a job where you're taking home at least $700-$800 a month, look in the want ads under "rooms for rent". You should be able to find someone looking to rent a room out of their house and this will be much less expensive than getting a place on your own.

Even though she is your mother, you should feel no obligation to be supportive of her and her needs if she can't do the same for you. I basically wrote off my mother years ago. I envy people who maintain strong relationships with their parents/family, but in my case I know it was the best choice for me.

Good luck to you. And whatever you do, don't ever compromise your beliefs to make someone else happy.