I just moved to NYC and got out of a relationship only 2 months ago. I am not into having a serious relationship, although I have two guys I just met in my life who I go out with and enjoy spending time with frequently. One of them seems to be really into me, showing plenty of affection and making plans with me to do things days/weeks in advance. Maybe I have led him on...... What am I suppose to do now? I just want everything to be really casual because I am not into having a relationship with anyone right now. Guys opinion? Girls opinion? How do you keep things casual when the other person wants to take it past that? (even if kisses and hugs were already exchanged)....
2007-07-12 04:04:34 · 11 answers · asked by NYC Girl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It is weird hearing all this from a female...it is usually the male's problem lol. Me just getting out of a relationship really does not affect my decision to be/not be with anyone right now. I am just enjoying the single life, not having to answer to anyone, going out and doing my own thing whenever I feel like it, and of course learning more about myself in the process. However, I guess that if I met someone who swept me off my feet, all of this would change. Vibes are just not there.
2007-07-12 04:39:58 · update #1
Perhaps the best way would be to try to have a chat with the guy. Something like "Listen, I know we are having a great time and its so nice spending time with you... but I just wanted to tell you that right now I can't commit to a more involved relationship."
And then ofcourse discuss things in more detail. Make sure you make it clear that you are not just saying this as a way to push him away (cause that 's probably what he would think initially!) and make it clear that you value his friendship and want to keep spending time together but just want to be clear that you aren't wasting his time if he is hoping for a serious relationship...
I know it sounds long-winded and complicated, but if he is a cool, mature bloke he will understand!
Good luck!
2007-07-12 04:11:17 · answer #1 · answered by confused_kitty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi -- i think that if you are set on casual dates, and not looking for a serious relationship, then you need to make this clear from the onset.
You can be kind, it doesn't have to sound or be cruel. You can just let the guy(s) know that while you're very interested in dating and making new friends, you are taking time to be free to do what you like and enjoy being single right now.
there is no crime in it.
besides, if you just got out of a relationship, you need time to readjust to life and to grieve over your loss (even if you are the one who broke up). you really don't have anything to give to someone else right now, because it's more important to take time to heal.
take care.
2007-07-12 14:09:56 · answer #2 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, even if you want it casual if the person wants you, then he will have feelings for you whether you like it or not. this is applicable to both men and women. i was in a somewhat similar predicament before. i told the guy i just want to be friends with him after a rather one-off intimate incident (we snogged in his car big time). he was ok with that initially but later said he cant take it cause he really want a relationship with me and feels jealous that i go out with other guys. he later told me he'll stop communicating with me as this is the only way hell forget me. so to answer your question, you can have this kind of relationship with the other guy youre hanging out with. but with this particular one who may stronger feelings for you, no can do. you might end up hurting him unintentionally. that would be unfair on his part. talk to him. ask if what he wants from you is more than a casual type of relationship and if it is, explain why youre not ready for one right now. if he's a sensible person, he will understand that you need to get over your past relationship before moving into another. afterall, nobody wants to be caught up in a rebound situation. but if hes not perceptive, then better tell him to take a hike. nobody wants to end up with a person who cant seem to listen to reason. hope this helps.
2007-07-12 11:38:00 · answer #3 · answered by blah blah 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest, dont keep leading them on because it may cause heart break. Don't let the kisses go on any longer just say look I want a friend not a relationship, be sincere and sensitive when you say this, because as it seems one sounds like he is putting his heart into you and seems he wants to give what seems to be like love. So just be honest. I think everything will work, he may take it hard at first but TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS!
2007-07-12 11:15:24 · answer #4 · answered by knowledge 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well.... it cn still b casual even if kisses were exchanged, just cos u just got out of a relationship doesnt mean u cnt hav 1 now but if u dnt wnt 2 nd then keep it casual. if this guy says he wants to take it further then try nd explain the situation if he wnts u enough he'll w8, decide if u like him or not. think it ova o nd who is this other guy?
2007-07-12 11:10:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if one person wants to take it beyond what you are willing,then you need to back off, need to tell him you just wanna be friends and are not looking for a relationship since you just got outta one,
2007-07-12 11:08:31 · answer #6 · answered by rich2481 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest & tell him exactly like you told us. He aint really there for you unless he understands that.
2007-07-12 11:08:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
be honest girl, just be gentle!!! so cool hearing a girl say this, its normally a guy, u go girl xx have fun sister!!!
2007-07-12 11:09:13 · answer #8 · answered by sammie-jo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him the truth. just like you told it here. but be careful to be nice & sensitive.
2007-07-12 11:06:51 · answer #9 · answered by yodakelbell 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest and tell him.
2007-07-12 11:06:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋