How do you explain being poor to your child?

Question

I recently got custody of my nephew and am a lot poorer than what he is used to. I just don't have the extra money for his classes in high school. I have to tell him that he can't be on the football team ($200 this year) and the swim team ($75.00) nor do I ahve the money for his drivers ed ($200). Some of the elective classes he wants to take (woodshop and drafting) I just can't afford either (it's $175.00 for both classes). I ahte to tell him that I can't afford it but the required school fees ($165) are just killing my budget plus his school clothes, etc. This is a public school, but there are class charges for just about every class. How do I explain to him that I just don't have it. He is 15.

I already talked to the school. They won't help because it is not a requirement that he take those classes or sports.

Answer 1

Be honest!!!

And at his age he should be able to get a job so that he can contribute, he needs to make a decision on what is most important to him and make the sacrifice, I do believe that you should encourage him to continue to participate in whatever it is he is best at because in the near future this could mean....SCHOLARSHIP :). Its the summer now, he can mow lawns, earn extra money doing specific chores and start saving now, so that he is able to participate in the school activities in the future...I know its hard out here for a parent, but you have to do the very best you can to support him, with regards to school clothes, consider doing some shopping now and lay-a-Way at Marshalls and TJ Maxx, look for school supply sales etc...Where there is a will there is a way, I am not by any means recommending you go bankrupt, but I am sure this is an adjustment for both you and your nephew and there is no better time than the present to start teaching him a good work ethic, and that he needs to sacrifice for the things he wants and start setting goals for the things that are important to you. What you are doing is very admirable and you will receive your blessings for opening your home to your nephew. Keep your head up and God Bless

Answer 2

This is harded then these answers make it seem. Most people can teach their children about familt finances as the child grows without having to be blunt (Mommy can't afford 2 toys this week, just pick out 1). But when dealing with a teen who has just been through a major life change can be much more difficult, especially if he is used to having a much grander life stlye then what you are able to give. Even though he is old enough to understand about money, it should not be a burden he has to bear at the moment. I would tell him you will do what you can to get him in these classes, but he may have to choose only 1 or 2. This way you are not comming right out and saying you can not afford it, by which he may turn toward himself thinking he is causing you to struggle and be angry at himself for putting you in this position. Next, I would talk to the peoople he used to live with that had provided him the richer lifestyle and see if they would be willing to help. (I don't know the circumstances, but if these people had the money then they should now, but if this is not passable, I maen no disrespect) You could also contact teen coalition. These are designed to help fund activities for teens to keep them off the streets. I know it is not quite the same, but they may be able to help. Other then that, I am not sure. Just give as little detail as you can, and make sure he understands he has done nothing wrong to want to join these programs and you will do everything you can to make it happen for him but will not be able to do it all. Who knows, he may even offer to get a job, but I would not ask him to if he does not volunteer the idea. Good luck!

Answer 3

Well its not easy..I know but you can't bankrupt yourself and let yours and his life go down the drain..

Maybe he id used to all the money and everything but now he is living with you and you have different paychecks and different boundaries towards him Soooo...what I'm trying to say is..

*Let him have at least one class..he will appreciate something is not being taken away..you shouldn't feel guilty becuase you can't change anything. Tell him that you are going to let him change classes every term or year so he can try it out but not all together...those are too mcuh expenses..he will know you are trying to keep him happy!...And besides hes 15...tell him to get a Job and save money so he can pay for his expenses and at least two classes he wants to go to...If he can;'t work until hes 16 help him otu with at least 1 or 2 classes and when he turns 16 tell his behind to get an after school job and you'll help him out but he has to pay some of the class expenses becuase yo u still ahve rent and all these other bills waiting in your mail box!!!..don't worry he'll understand if he appreciates you! <33

Answer 4

Fifteen is plenty old enough to understand the concepts of rich and poor without any special explanation. Just be up front and honest about the reason why he can't do these things. He may not like it, but he should be able to understand.

But talk to the school, they may have programs to give fee wavers to low income households at least for the required school fees.

One question though. If you have custody of your nephew, shouldn't his parents be paying you child support? Is there another family member - grandparents, aunts or uncles - that could help?

Answer 5

Explain it to him. I think most schools have assistance for families that don't have what they need for their children to excell. I would talk to the coaches about football and swimming. I have 5 children, three from remarriage and I shop at thrift shops for clothes sometimes in high income areas, pay $2.00 for a pair of stylish abercrombie and fitch pants instead of the outrageous prices at the store. I don't take the children with me there, when they come home they see that they have really cool clothes. He could get a part time job to help pay for drivers ed. etc. If you are creative a little can go a long way. I understand the adjustment, believe me I do, however it can work. God bless you for taking him in, that is priceless!!!!

Answer 6

I like alot of these answers combined. Gently explain that not every one can afford these things. He's old enough to hear it. Life is not always easy, but with a litlle sweat and perserverance, you can reach your goals. You can encourage him to get a part time job, this will teach him valuable skills (not too much, core classes always come first). And yes talk to the school, government agencies, anyone you can think of to see if you can get some assistance.
Your nephew may not be able to do all of the things he used to or wants to. All of those activities sound like a bit much to me. Can he maintain an A/B average on that kind of schedule?

Answer 7

Tell him the truth -- money is tight. Don't be discouraged. Be positive and don't give up! Ask him to prioritize which of the activities does he really want to be continue:
1. Swim team
2. Football
3. Driver Ed
4. Woodshop
5. Drafting

Possibly you can't fund all of those activities, but if he feels strongly that he wants to pursue one of those activities, tell him you will work together in finding a creative way in funding it. (Fundraising, weekend job, talking to the coach/school). Your nephew will hopefully not take those activities for granted knowing the sacrifice involved.

All the best.

Answer 8

One would hope his parents taught him about money. If not, you may have to get back to basics, and honestly explain that your income is not the same as his [whoever he lived with before]. This means that there is not as much extra money to go around, so here are the options.... and come up with a few for him. I don't know your situation, but I might say he can get a part-time job to pay for what he really wants, or he can pass on them.

Kids are smart - they understand, even if they want to act like they don't. He may balk and pout, but he will get over it when he realizes his only options are what you gave him. Good luck!

Answer 9

Yeah, school fees can get really expensive for a so-called "free" education! If he's 15, he should have some basic understanding of money and how much it costs to do these things in school. Just be honest with him and tell him that you can't afford all those activities on your budget. Also, since he's 15, suggest an after-school part-time job to him if he wants to earn his own money for those school activities. He is old enough to get a little job at a fast-food restaurant or something like that. In fact, you could offer the idea of a job as an alternative to those after-school activities. Kids his age usually love to get jobs and make pocket money for themselves. In high school, the kids with the fun after-school jobs are considered cool because they have money and can usually score their friends free food or something. Just don't try to sugar-coat your money situation. He's old enough to know the truth.

Answer 10

Well, I think maybe the CHILD will understand if you tell him about a STORY of many CHILDREN who rise from such and so as to say. I mean in life we work and we save money for things like retirement and along the wayt we hope to VACATION or we hope to be able to do things like PLAY SPORTS or what have you other things...

Maybe teh child can PRIORITIZE and if he can not do ALL those things maybe he can do SOME OF THEM or pick the one he wants to do teh most and with teh other time maybe he can FIND other things to do with SPARE TIME, things that do not cost all that much money... and so as to say.... there are lots of things that can be done affordably and so as to say...

DRIVER's ED... well it sounds like he may be old enough to GET A JOB when I was younger I was able to get a JOB DOING PART TIME LANDSCAPING work for my UNCLES and MY DAD but I mean often there are firms who may need part time help here and there doing things if the child is FIT and UP FOR IT... I mean in life we decide what we want to do and so as to say... things cost money... I personally WISH that the COST of AFFORDABLE HOUSING was still with us , but it is further away BURIED in teh trenches.... I mean maybe in TIME the AFFORDABLE dwelling in certain regions will come back... but with the child I think if the child knows the situation he will be OK and MATURE about it... I mean they say that the people who have teh MOST FUN are not necessarilly the ONES with the biggest BANK ROLL... there is a simple DRUM BEAT and there is awalk in the park or a hike up thru the mountains or anything like walking along the beach sand far a DAYTRIPPER you never know what you may find....

Tell the child about the MATE SYSTEM, if you believe... in life it is about that LOVE of MAN and WOMAN...

I woke up to be vegan and that CHANGED it all for me ...
www.pennstate.20fr.com

I use to think my parents were POOR when I was a child and well, I was the one who was "stuck up" for some reason... I guess it was because I lived in a SUPERFICIALBUBBLE... but then I changed along the way, seriously ... I was EXPOSED to the ATTITUDE of "something or other" but then I pushed thru it and changed...

WHAT IS WEALTH?
What is a GOOD TIME?

WHAT IS POOR?
WHAT is a waste of time?

They told me TIME IS MONEY and I held that in my thoughts trying to consider how I could buy more time and soon I realized there was a lot of DIRT on the money(all the money in this NOIN-vegan world)... from the PURCHASE price of slaughtered shoes for football or the the mealplan for the latest swimteam fanatic, what is DEEP CHLORINE ON THE BRAIN?

WHAT IS EDUCATION?
WHAT is TODAY? WHAT is TOMORROW?
WHAT is a PLAN for MOVING ON UP?
WHAT is a motion of CHANGE?

WHERE IS THE LOVE....?

LOVE is what is the most important, if you have that you will RISE to SUPPORT such a passion and so shall that be your standing stone.

IN a non-vegan world it is a hard thing to consider anything.... really.. I mean once you become aware... like HOW DO YOU MAKE MONEY AND LIVE WITHOUT CAUSING HARM TO OTHERS as a result of the dollars you make and spend.