My mom has crossed the line!?

Question

She is always telling me that I dont feed my daughters enough food (they are 6 and 7). For example, I would make for lunch a ham a cheese sandwich and give them some yogurt or a banana along with the sandwich....thats a good little lunch. My mom tells me thats not enough food. She tells me I dont feed them enough food. Shes just so overbearing and they are not even really her grandchildren. The girls are really my stepdaughters. Yesterday, she told me I wasnt giving them enough for dinner and the next thing I know, I get a knock on my door. Its my dad with a bag of KFC for the girls. First of all, i wasnt dressed properly, secondly, they should have called and asked me if it was ok. It just makes me feel like they think i am incapable of being a mother. I also have a 9 month old son. It really hurt my feelings and i tried to tell them, but they wont listen. my mom hung up on me! any advice????

Answer 1

Ah, toxic family members! Establish some boundries for them. It doesn't seem that they will go along with what you want so don't bother discussing it with them. Just decide how much you will interact with them and how much you will let them interact with your kids. Maybe deciede that you will not have them over to your house for a visit, go only to their house so you can leave when you feel yourself approaching the breaking point, or that you will not leave your children in their care. You don't need their help. The more they are integrated in your day to day, the more they feel they have say in how you care for your family. You don't need the implied critiziem.

Or just move to a different town.

Answer 2

I think your mom feels she has more experience than you do in this department. I got this from my mother-in-law and boy did I nip that in the bud real fast!! Back in the day when they were raising their kids, "well balanced" meals wasn't an issue and nor was child obesity. Don't fight with your mom because it isn't even worth the trouble. Write her a letter and tell her that even though you appreciate her help and advice, you would appreciate it if she could let you learn on your own and if you happen to make a mistake, that is the only way you will learn. Tell her that you cannot and will not learn from her nagging you because that is going no where and will only bring resentment. Tell her that you want her to still be your loving mother and a beautiful loving grandmother to your kids. Raising the kids is your responsibility not hers and she knows and is fully aware that what she is doing is defintely crossing the line. KFC is full of grease and calories so why would that be better than a sandwhich and some fruit. have her take a good look at the governments suggestion of food portions for children these days. You want healthy kids and with what you are feeding your kids, you will have healthy kids. With what you mom wants you to do which is overfeed them will cause child obesity, diabetis, high blood pressure in the future due to overweight kids. Keep up the good work that you are doing!!! Good Luck and don't fight with your parents because in their heart, they think they are doing something good, but it is all misconception and misinformed.

Answer 3

sorry you are going through this.

sometimes people have control issues, are bored with their own lives, so they live through others..

the lunches you give those girls are quite adequate and sound very good.

overfeeding children is very bad. there is a limit to everything. if they get fat now, they will always have weight problems... but that is off subject.. sorry.

you can let your mother know that while you appreciate advice when you ASK FOR IT, you can make your own decisions about the children's meal times. same goes for everything else she might try to control....

if she continues to comment or make suggestions, you give her a gentle reminder a time or two ("Mom, thanks but i didn't ask for advice"). after that just ignore her --even leave the room and start doing something else! eventually she might get the hint.

another thing -- don't let your mother come to visit unannounced. tell her she needs to call first. if you dont' feel like having here there from time to time, tell her it's not a good time.

i guess that parents think they can just pop in anytime, since they raised us? truth is, we are adults now and we have our own lives and our own ways we do things!

Answer 4

So many of the answers are great and say the same thing, YOU HAVE TO STAND UP TO WHAT YOU BELIEVE IS THE BEST FOR YOUR CHILDREN!!
You don't have to be rude or mean, but firm and consistent! This is your life and family, even though you love your parents you have your own family now and know what's best for them.
I also have to agree with some of the answers about letting her know that if she won't respect your wishes on raising the kids, that they will not be welcome in your house.
Ask you mother if she would like it if YOU told her how she SHOULD have RAISED YOU?!! Maybe if she sees that this is really bothering you she might back off a little.
good luck dear :)

Answer 5

KFC is NOT a healthy lunch for children OR adults. processed meat products don't do anyone any good. i would have thanked my dad for the grub and threw it away, offering the kids more yogurt and bananas. it sounds like the parents are the ones in the wrong on this one. keep up those healthy lunches!

Answer 6

No child should eat junk food. Its poison to their growing bodies. I don't see anything wrong with your lunch except its loaded with sugar, carbs and calories, its not all that healthy for a growing child. Use whole grain bread or make a wrap with whole grain pita or tortilla, leave off the cheese and use tomato, lettuce, spinach, greens, or cucumber instead. Use mustard not mayo. Give them vegetable sticks and vary your fruit with oranges, apples, grapes, peaches, that sort of thing. Give them 2% or skim milk, and never ever give them soda. Stick to icy cold water with lemon or limes in it. Start reading label to see about calories, fat, sodium and sugars. You want balance.

Tell your mother that you do not want your children to grow up to face obesity and diabetes and you are not going to poison them with junk food.

Don't make this emotional, blow off the bad mother stuff. You know you aren't, and no one can make you one.

Spend some time looking up nutrition for children and have something substantial for your mother to look at when you tell her "no".

Tell her right now that the next time she shows up at your door with poison for your children, you will ask her to leave. Then do it. Take a stand for your kids, eventually when the dust settles, your mother will get over it.

Answer 7

Your description of lunch sounds fine.

Are the children very thin? Does she have a reason to wonder if they are not eating enough?

KFC is not really appropriate dinner for children except on special occasions.

Perhaps your parents think you are overwhelmed caring for three children, and are being overbearing in their efforts to be "helpful."

Answer 8

Time to make the boundaries. Tell them they have to stop interfering in how you are raising your children. Tell them no more unexpected visits with food and that you and their peditrician will decide if they are getting enough food. Tell them if they cant adhere to the guidelines you will have to curtail the visits they do get. Tough way to go but if you dont put your foot down now it will never get easier.

Answer 9

The determine will often take the step-determine over the little ones. you won't be able to assume any transformations right here. that may not a "peacekeeper"... it is classic "appeasement" and it never works. Your dad could ought to step up and tell his spouse off. approximately all you're able to do is be waiting to be too busy to be seen with the aid of this harpie... play "save away till you are able to launch out of there. in case you have an older sibling you are able to stay with, see in case you additionally could make that paintings with out being too lots of a burden... possibly your dad can help out just to have extra "peace" in the abode. in case you're sufficiently previous to be working, please gain this, and save you cash. See if there are any vocational classes at your extreme college the place you are able to "earn while you learn". Get your dad that might actually assist you open a economic business enterprise account so which you would be able to save you cash... it may exchange right into a checking account at age 18. you will need money to place down for deposits on your first place of abode and utilities. Get on alongside with your preparation... look at the buddies degree classes at your community community college... something to get you right into a real job with stability. launch as quickly as you are able to.

Answer 10

I would tell her you appreciate her concern for her grandchildren and that if the girls are still hungry after they finish their lunch you will give them more to eat. When she brings food unannounced tell her thank you but you already have dinner prepared but they are welcome to eat the KFC at your table with you or you'll save it for tommorow.