My sister is pregnant and wants to put the baby up for adoption?

Question

She is living with me and has no where to go, and need to get back on her feet, she has a 9 month old already. Is there a way to find a loving home, and they can pay her living expenses until the baby is born? Indiana

Answer 1

An expectant parent cannot choose to place a child for adoption before their child is born.

Also, the decision to relinquish her child for adoption is only a choice that she and the father of that baby can make. You cannot make these choices for them.

That being said, picking an agency or an adoption facilitator is a bit tricky. Adoption is a big business and it's easy for those running those businesses to make sure to sway the odds that she will relinquish instead of honoring the ethical obligation to make sure she is fully informed and not coerced.

"Safeguarding the rights and well being of birthparents in the adoption process." This link discusses the the changes that those that facilitate the adoption process should make in order to honor that ethical obligation. It is in everyone's best interest if she finds an agency or facilitator that meets the qualities in this pdf.
http://www.adoptioninstitute.org/publications/2007_01_Birthparent_Study_All.pdf

This is a website written by a birthmother to help give information about open adoption in a non-biased way.
http://www.openadoptioninsight.org/

As for preparing for the placement of her child...

I'm not entirely sure there is a good way to prepare. I think if I had to do it all over again, I would honor the process of deciding between adoption and parenting better. Part of the problems I have had in the years since relinquishment is coming to terms with not being my own advocate. Not only did I relinquish my child, I relinquished my judgment to other people's advice for fear of either being too needy, or out of fear of making the situation worse.

So with that, I say honor the process. She cannot decide that she will relinquish her baby for adoption until after birth. She can make an adoption plan though. She can look at profiles and possibly pre-match with a potential adoptive family. Keep in mind that this is just a plan, and the potential adoptive family is just that... potential. It is so easy for her to think of that baby as theirs instead of hers. It is so easy for potential adoptive parents to think of that baby as theirs and not your sister's. Be kind to everyone involved and not let that assumption be made. This is her baby until the termination of parental rights is signed. They should not accompany her to doctor's appointments. They should not be at the birth because of how easy it is lose sight of the huge choice she has to make after the baby is born. If she still chooses adoption, they will have a lifetime to bond with her child.

If she was to choose adoption after her baby is born, realize that every moment of the time she has with her baby will be forever etched in her memory. Have her hold her baby. Take the time to absorb that time in. While some say the thought of looking or holding will make the separation hurt more, the lack of holding or looking hurts way more in the years to come.

Also, make sure she looks at all her options. She needs a parenting plan in place. She cannot make an informed decision without know all of her options. In fact, the pressure placed on her to relinquish without a parenting plan is that much worse.

Discussion boards to help find resources and get more information about her choices.
http://www.singlepregnancy.com/
http://www.girl-mom.com/
http://soulofadoption.com/

Answer 2

That might be a possibility. But more often living expenses are not part of the "deal". Maternity clothes and medical care are often an expense the adoptive parents will provide.

Locate an adoption agency that is listed WITH the Better Business Bureau ( BBB) to make sure they are on the up and up. Any complaints about the company will be on their record. You can call them or look them up on line.

Finding an agency that deals with 'Open' adoption allows your sister to view couples profiles and pictures to see if there are any she is comfortable with. She can choose from there or go on to meet the couple in person and ask questions.
Once the baby is born, the new parents can take the baby home when he/she is released. The adoption will be pending and be official months later.

On a side note your sister can find a student mother program to finish her education ( call local school districts) and from there she will be able to pay for her own expenses.

Answer 3

I am from Indiana too and we were just approved to adopt:) If your sister really does want to place her child for adoption then she can call the Department of Family and Children or any number of private agencies. With some private agencies she can choose the adoptive parents and even get to have say in contact, like if she wants them to send pictures or can she send cards, things like that. With the DFC I don't know how much say if any she would have about the parents but she could have the adoption be open or semi-open. But YES she can decide to place her child BEFORE she has her, the father only comes into play if she knows who the father is (a lot of people don't these days:( but there is nothing to keep her from lying about who the father is if she does know. Best of luck to your sister, I'm sure this is not an easy decision to make. If you would like im me I can give you a list of people in the DFC that can help your sister based on where she lives. With the DFC though I don't think she would get any help with living expenses, besides if she's already 9 months pregnant she could have the baby before she even found any adoptive parents.

Here is a great site for your sister to check out.

http://www.adoption.com

Answer 4

Contact Family To Family Adopts Inc. 281-342-4042

The ladies there will be able to talk to you about what can and cannot be provided for birthmoms while pregnant. It varies by state.

They also help the birthmothers find the "perfect" family by working with her all the way, and even arranging a meeting if both parties agree that is best.

Answer 5

Hello, we are hoping to adopt so I bought this great book about the adoption laws in each state, here are Indiana's Laws: Adoptive parents can pay reasonable expenses for the birthmom's medical and legal. Reasonable living expenses during her pregnancy and up to 6 weeks after giving birth. Total expenses cannot exceed $3,000 unless it is approved by the court.

We are working with Lifetime Adoption www.lifetimeadoption.com , they are great and also offer help with maternity clothes and offer college scholarship to the birthmother on top of living expenses. If you would like to know more about us please visit our website: http://www.lifetimeadoption.com/for_birtmothers/families/scott_rebecca/index.html

Answer 6

There are a lot of places that will help out. There are also a LOT of people looking to adopt and usually their first choice would be a newborn. There are also such things as an Open Adoption where the birth mother will still get to see the baby and everything. Call Social Services in your area and they will be able to help you out.

Answer 7

Look in your phone book for good adoption agencies that place infants privately. You can also look into adoption lawyers or ask a local hospital for a referral to an agency. You can also contact child services for suggestions.

Good for you for helping her out. There are agencies that operate maternity homes so that her living expenses & medical care would be provided. Check into it.
SG

Answer 8

Try A Link Adoption
800-272-2229
www.ALinkAdoption.com

Answer 9

She really should call Social Services in your area. She's got a minor child, so she'd be eligible for some help. They could help get her whatever help and healthcare she needs, help her with adoption if that's what she wants, etc.

That's probably the safest thing for her to do because there are unscrupulous people out to take advantage of young women in her situation.

Answer 10

Here is another hotline for women considering placing their child up for adoption:

1-800-592-4725

Be sure to ask about getting living expenses paid.

And one of the posters is WRONG - yes, an expecting mother can of course place their child up for adoption before the due date!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 11

Maternity homes:
Jeffersonville: 812-282-8248
New Albany: 812-949-7305
North Anderson: 765-642-1853

There are also ten crisis pregnancy centers:
http://www.pregnancycenters.org/advantage.asp?transaction=search&template=map_search&radius=300&address=&city=&stateProvince=IN&postalCode=&country=&searchQuantifier=AND&submit=Find+Location

Tell your sister best of luck!
<3 Kelsey