My finacee and I are getting married in Las Vegas in November, we have already ordered and paid for all the dresses and hers was custom fitted because she wears such a small size...now shes not sure if she will go or not because we changed the location...help..what can i do?
2007-07-11 19:32:10 · 19 answers · asked by MFDCW 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
We changed the destination to Las Vegas, and we are offering to pay for either her hotel or her flight...We have already paid for her and all of our bridesmaids dresses...the wedding is in November and everyone else has already committed!
2007-07-11 19:50:01 · update #1
wow, what a bridesmaid'zilla! seems like you're trying to do everything - you've talked to her, tried to help financially - I'd back off & stop stressing - let it be for a while, maybe she'll come around - if she doesn't, then you save the cash & you're just short a bridesmaid.
2007-07-12 05:07:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
It's really not her fault and I don't blame her at all. After all, she agreed to be your bridesmaid in one location, and you changed the location without getting her approval.
And I'm very sorry to tell you that it's not nice to offer to pay for the ticket or hotel - it's your duty to pay for both and to make sure that you're not harming her in any way possible. I mean, for example, if she has to take a day or two off of work for you, then you have to make that up to her. Maybe she cannot afford all this, or it's just not worth it to her. After all, it's your wedding, not hers.
So you should offer to pay for all her expenses. If she still doesn't agree, ask why, and see if there is another reason which you can get over. Get to the bottom of the matter and try your best to solve it.
Finding another bridesmaid should be your LAST option. Don't think about it unless you try every other way possible in order not to hurt the feelings of this girl.
And if you end up having to order another dress for a new bridesmaid, then do so. I guess this is a small price to pay for changing your wedding location after making plans with others no matter how expensive the dress is. You should have had in mind all the consequences that will come with changing the location.
Note: if this girl does not end up attending your wedding, you must still be nice to her, give her the bridesmaids gifts, etc
After all, she loves you and that's why she agreed to be your bridesmaid.
Last but not least, congratulations! Wishing you and your husband-to-be a wonderful life. :-)
2007-07-12 08:30:53 · answer #2 · answered by ✿Purple✿ 5 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Actually, its a sticky situation, but I think she has the right to refuse. She said she'd participate in your wedding when it was at home, not in Las Vegas. She never agreed to that. If you have a wedding party, it is your responsibility to pay for both the airfare AND hotel for everyone. Also, maybe her concerns have nothing to do with the cost, maybe she's afraid to fly, doesn't like to stay in hotels or doesn't like to be away from home. She committed to a 1-day thing, now you're asking her for a few days, overnights in a hotel, travelling, poss taking time off from work....WAY more than she originally agreed to. It's nice that others have agreed to still go, but I don't think you have the right to be upset since you changed your minds afterwards--why can't she?
We hare having a destination wedding, and paying for the flights and 4 nights hotel accomodations for 12 people. Yes, it's expensive, but that's an expense of having a destination wedding when you want to have people there. A destination wedding is olny cheaper when it's the kind you take by yourselves.
2007-07-12 09:02:35 · answer #3 · answered by melouofs 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You don't say why she may or may not go so it makes it difficult to answer. If she is simply upset that you changed the location, it seems that she may not be much of a friend. If there are things such as time off work, children to be cared for, a husband, etc. to consider for her that changes the situation for her, I certainly would not blame her or take it out on her. The best you can do is see if you can find the next person on your list to get a dress at least similar to the others and go from there. Truthfully, her commitment to attend the wedding at one place does not place an onus on to attend it if you are suddenly changing everything even if it is that far in advance. You have changed what she agreed to
2007-07-12 03:18:23 · answer #4 · answered by starrrrgazer 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's unfortunate that you're in this situation but it sounds like you changed the location after asking her to be in the wedding party. You can't expect her to suddenly pay for the added cost of a flight and hotel as well as possibly having to take time off work (which, depending on her company or position, could result in loss of wages). This essentially ends up being an unplanned vacation for her. If you already paid for her dress, you'll have to chalk it up to a loss on your end.
Paying for *either* her hotel or flight still means she has to pay an extra few hundred dollars on your wedding that she may not be able to afford and wasn't expecting. If you really want her to attend, offer to pay for both. Or, find someone else who's going to the wedding who she can share a hotel room with. (I personally would find a hostel and stay there because it's a lot cheaper - but that's just me.)
2007-07-12 08:34:32 · answer #5 · answered by tink 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Well, is it going to be much more expensive or involved for her to travel to Las Vegas than to where you previous planned to get married? If it's a money problem, you should offer to pay the difference or find another bridesmaid. If it's a question of your new destination being inconvienent, like if she is going to miss a day of work because of all the traveling, find another bridesmaid. You have to accept that just because it's your wedding the world and peoples lives are not going to revolve around you.
2007-07-12 02:39:27 · answer #6 · answered by qwertatious 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
As soon as you decided to move the location of the wedding you should have understood that not only will the bridesmaid not attend, but other guests as well. I wish people would realize that you can't have a family and friend oriented wedding and also have a destination wedding and "run off and get married." Friends and family should not be expected to run off too. Your friend accepted the offer to be in the wedding under one set of pretenses and then once you changed them you should accept the consequences. She does not owe you anything for the dress but since you paid for it she should give it back to you to sell on ebay or whatever.
2007-07-12 08:14:38 · answer #7 · answered by Luv2Answer 7 · 7⤊ 0⤋
if you changed the location that now requires her to buy a plane ticket, then you are at fault. if you told her the wedding was going to be close to your hometown and she knew the location and NOW you are changing it to Las Vegas, she does not have to attend.
if she did not know about this change when she signed up and you still want her in the wedding, i suggest you offer to pay her expenses.
when you are asked to be a bridesmaid, you are usually told up front about how much it will cost. so this might be too much on her and you will have to either help or accept that she might not be there.
Additional Information after thoughts: i know you think you are being generous about paying for either the hotel OR the flight. but the point is she was not counting on that expense AT ALL. perhaps if you paid for all the plane tickets and got a few rooms for the bridesmaids to share, then she could go.
2007-07-12 02:35:45 · answer #8 · answered by Christina V 7 · 13⤊ 0⤋
Is it because of her job? Does she not do flights? Is it financial? You're not giving us enough info here...
Could be her fault, could be yours. Either way, you're either going to have to do it without her or find another bridesmaid and pay for another dress. If she doesn't want to go then surely the dress can't be more than a plane ticket or a room if you're going Las Vegas style.
Good-luck!
2007-07-12 21:33:38 · answer #9 · answered by barbevans04 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Since you up and changed the location after you asked her and she accepted, you should be understanding if anyone in your party needs to back out for whatever reason.
Either find someone to take her place, or deal without that bridesmaid position. You CAN have an uneven party. Just have two groomsmen usher your MOH down the aisle after you say I do.
2007-07-12 09:58:05 · answer #10 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't do that to her how do you know she can afford it. If she would of know that in the beginning she might of said no thanks to the offer.
My sister is getting married and if she tells me its in any where outside of our home town I could not attend. I am not broke but I just bought a house my children are in not so cheap private schools and I just got married and we just had our first child together and my step son is on his way to college so we help him alot. So I have to many responsibilites financially to just go.
So stop corning her and just find out why and stop demanding and if you don't care eat the cost of the gown because it was nice of you to pay for the gowns but it was not manditory to do so. Don't loose a friend over this
2007-07-15 23:32:29 · answer #11 · answered by My Three 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋