10 points goes the person who can write the funniest comment about anything they like?

Question

if you can make me laugh..you win 10 points

Answer 1

I like how my blow up doll has nothing to say!

Answer 2

1) A man was angry at his freind. A nun happens to be walking by him when he is cursing under his breath. She suggests to play a game of golf to soothe himself. On the first tee the man swug and missed. "Oh, Sh*t I missed" "Don't swear young man" sadi the nun. On the second hole he swung and missed and said, "oh, sh*t I missed" "If you swear one more time, Gos will send down a strike of lightning to kill you" Informed the nun. On the third hole he swung and missed. He closed his eyes waiting to die but opened them just in time to see the nun get struck by lightning. He then heard a rumble from the heavens. "oh, sh*t I missed" 2) One day a college professor was greeting his new college class. He stood up in front of the class and asked if anyone in the class was a moron, and if they were, they should stand. After a minute a young man stood up. The professor then asked the kid if he actually thought he was a moron. The kid replied, 'No, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself'. 3)Three men were walking in a forest, when they are suddenly catched by cannibals. They take them to the cannibal king, who says: "Greeting, fellow red-meat ones. We are the cannibals of this forest and we intend to eat you three, but there is one way you can gain our respect and avoid being eaten. Through a test! The 1st part of the test is to get 10 fruits of the same kind. You choose the fruit, but you have got to pick 10 of them. The rest of the test will be told after you return. And we will know if you try to escape and we also won't let you. Go" The three men, awfully nervous, go tot the forest and do what the king told them. Some few minutes later, the 1st man arrives with 10 apples. The king says: "The 2nd part of the test is to stick all the fruits you picked in your butt without making a sound. Go!" The man, terrified at this, puts 1... 2... and yells out in pain on the 3rd apple. The king orders him to be killed. When the 2nd man returns, the king says the same thing. The man having picked picked 10 berries, though that he would be able to pass this part of the test. The man gets to the eigth berry and doubles over in laughter. He laughs so much the king orders for him to be killed. Up in Heaven, the 1st man asks the 2nd one: "You had a chance to get out alive - why the hell did you not keep going?" The 2nd man, still holding his laughter, says: "I saw the other guy coming back with 10 pineapples" SO FUNNY!

Answer 3

Okay, I'll try, I can't make any guarantees. These are insults, though, so obviously they aren't very nice...

If your brain were chocolate, it wouldn't fill an M&M. :)
Yo momma's so ugly,
just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."

Yo momma's so ugly,
when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras

Yo momma's so ugly,
when she tried to take a bath, the water jumped out!

Yo momma's so ugly,
I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

Yo momma's so ugly,
that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and that's the best friend you can get.

I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool.

You must have a low opinion of people if you think they're your equals.

Yo momma's so fat,
when she went to get a water bed, they put a blanket across Lake Michigan.

Yo momma's so fat,
when she tiptoes, everyone yells "Stampede!"

Yo momma's so fat,
she makes sumo wrestlers look anorexic.

Yo momma's so fat,
when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.

Yo momma's so fat,
her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.

There ya go!

Answer 4

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.

I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.

"A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done."

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied."

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples."

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe."

"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."

Answer 5

The☻☺ antalope ☻☺tapped ☻☺danced,☻☺ in ☻☺the feilds. ☻☺The ☻☺man ☻☺ate☻☺ the ☻☺sun, ☻☺the son ☻☺shot☻☺ the ☻☺deer☻☺, the ☻☺mother ☻☺drank☻☺ the☻☺ beer,☻☺ the ☻☺queen☻☺ praticed☻☺ her ☻☺leer,☻☺ the☻☺ prince ☻☺surely☻☺ was☻☺ queer,☻☺ the☻☺ king ☻☺did☻☺ not☻☺ know☻☺ a☻☺ thing☻☺, he☻☺ was☻☺ in☻☺ love☻☺ with☻☺ his☻☺ mavelous☻☺ ring,☻☺ the ☻☺piper☻☺ never☻☺ learned☻☺ to☻☺ sing,☻☺ the☻☺ princess☻☺ plotted ☻☺to☻☺ rule☻☺ the ☻☺world.☻☺


If you don't get it then you clearly don't follow the stock market.

Answer 6

Osama is Celebate?
Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives?
Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.

Q: How do you know that God's a blonde?
A: Because when she designed women, she put the **** hole so close to the snack bar.

What Has 100 Teeth?
What has 100 teeth and holds back a monster?
A zipper.

Answer 7

Last night I punched a pink inflatable horse in my room because the cotton balls on the ceiling were falling to the floor... completely random, best I could do

Answer 8

This joke is nasty, but it makes everyone laugh, if you're older than 12....

Three women are sitting at a bar, getting drunk, trying to upstage the next. The first women says, my man can fit his whole fist "up there". Second women says, "That's nothin! My man can fit his whole head up there!". Third women says nothing and just "slides" down the bar stool!

Answer 9

what did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say? - 'beat it! we're closed!'

a little girl is in line to see santa. when it's her turn, she climbs up on his lap. santa asks, "what would you like santa to bring you for Christmas?" the little girl replies, "i want a barbie and a g.i. joe."

santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "i thought barbie comes with ken."

"no," she said. "she comes with g.i. joe, she fakes it with ken."

how do you know you're at a gay picnic? - if the hotdogs have fudge on them!

Answer 10

the peanut isle i think the nuts came in a sack

Answer 11

Spiderpig, Spiderpig, Does whatever a Spiderpig does....