Do I have a mental problem?

Question

My dad died in January of 2006. We were close especially after my mom died in 1993.
I had to put dad in a nursing home in 2002 because he was too much for me to take care of and I had to work full time to take care of my kids.
I was crushed when he died. It doesnt matter if your dad is 25 or 95, he is still your dad.
I have saved his clothes in my closet. Today while I was going thru a box, I found the last pair of tennis shoes he wore at the nursing home and I cnnot bring myself to throw these things away. I still have about 6 shirts hanging on hangers above my computer.
Am I normal. Should I just get rid of these things? Do you think I should get into some kind of greif counseling or is it normal for some people to do this? He helped me single parent my kids and was all my emotional support for about 17 yrs while I was going to college and trying to get my life together after a terrible divorce.

Answer 1

NO I D0N'T THINK YOUR MENTAL. I WENT THROUGH THE SAME THING WHEN I LOST MY DAD A FEW YEARS AGO. I WAS 41 AT THE TIME. I FINALLY WENT TO GRIEF COUNSELING. IT REALLY HELPED. ALSO I HAD ALOT OF DADS ITEMS. IT WAS SO HARD TO GET RID OF THEM. I FINALLY PARTED WITH ALOT OF IT BUT I STILL HAVE SOME. I HAVE IT PACKED UP SO I DON'T HAVE TO LOOK AT IT ALL THE TIME. I STILL GET IT OUT ONCE IN AWHILE. GOOD LUCK AND JUST REMEMBER IT DOES GET A LITTLE EASIER WITH TIME.

Answer 2

My Daddy died 7 years ago in a very tragic accident. My Mother died the following year of lung cancer. May I make a suggestion? When you are ready, and only then, donate his personal belongings to the nursing home he resided in. There are so many patients in nursing homes who have no family or friends to help. If that's too difficult, take a drive to your nearest city, and give his things to the homeless. I made sure I gave their items personally to people that I know would appreciate it!

Good luck and take care of you!
Dee

Answer 3

Sweetie, your daddy hasn't been gone that long, so naturally your'e still grieving. You lost your moral support, your confidente, your friend. You may feel like an orphan. My husband in his forties felt that way after both his parents passed on. A huge part of your life is not with you any longer.(But you shall be together again, don't you fret about that) If having your daddy's things there with you, so be it. I'm sure it gives you comfort. And when your ready, place those things in a special box and store them. You don't have to give them away. I'm sorry for loss. hugs to you. oooooooooooooooooo

Answer 4

It sounds like you just have a serious case of stress and emotional backing.

There's nothing wrong with keeping memories of those who were in your life. Given the events, you seem to have situational causes, and that is no sign of a mental issue. Although only a doctor can diagnosis this, you sound find.

You can be a happy and productive person once you work through your situational causes.

Just remain positive and be happy :)

Answer 5

Wow, do we have something in common. My father died in 93, My mother April of 06. I have not returned to her home, I have still cry on a daily basis. As a Christian I know every tear is a selfish one, my mother nor dad would return if the choice was theirs. I simple miss her terribly. You are fine. You do not have a mental condition you have a heart condition. Lets just agree to give ourselves time. They spoiled us emotionally in life, so getting past their death should be expected to be a difficult and lengthy one.

Answer 6

No, you do not have a problem.
My mother passed in Jan '04 from Cancer a little sooner than we had expected. At that point, we had put my Dad in a nursing home about 2 years prior because we were unable to care for him. That in itself brings a lot of guilt to us. My Dad had a type of dementia and was suffering from both types of aphasyia (couldn't talk and we don't think he always understood) but we were told by the doctors not to tell him Mom was dead. Every time I saw him he asked for her (he was able to get that out) and we had to say she was sick at home or back in hospital but in time that ran unbelievable to him. After 50 some odd years of marriage I think he could feel she was gone. We originally wanted to have her laid out in the nursing home chapel for him to see since he couldn't travel all the way back here for her funeral but they said he'd get upset and would be like that most days but not remember why (I doubt that so much now).
I got a call Sept '05 saying Dad passed right after eating lunch. I know he hated living the way he did but it was hard knowing my two best friends were now gone. As a Christian I know I'll see them again but still I find myself crying every few days, getting into a funk (I suffer from depression anyways).
I am the type that can't throw things out - everything reminds me of them. I had to downsize my apartment and did get rid of some things but still have some ornaments, photos, odds and ends of theirs I really don't have room for but can't get rid of. I gave Dad's clothes to the nursing home because there were so many without family to bring them clothes that they were needed there.
I watch an organizing show that stresses the fact that the memories are in you heart, not in objects. I'm trying hard and slowly may give one or two items away. I know it's true - they'll never leave my heart and if I was to go tomorrow, my family wouldn't want the items so they'd be gone at that point.
As I am able, I donate items in their memories to hospitals, nursing or respite homes, hospices etc. I know my Mom said if I ever needed money to sell some of the things so she realized I couldn't keep them all.
Pack what you have in a box until you are strong enough to give them away without it breaking your heart more. Think of the good your parents are doing by donating their things.
Good luck and God bless.

Answer 7

one of my friends daughter died in a car accident and she kept her bloody clothes for years and wouldnt get rid of anything else, then one day she decided to bury her clothes and give away some of her stuff, she cried for hours but after the stuff was gone, it didnt lessen how much she missed her or really make her feel any better, except for a bit of closure, but i say yeah talk to whoever you need to so that you can honor your dads memory, but no your not crazy and its normal to keep those things, take your time and only do things when youre ready, and this may sound cruel or strange in itself, but your dads not gonna be upset over anything you do with his stuff now, sentimental is not a disorder

Answer 8

you definitely do NOT have a mental problem. It's natural to try to hold on to memories of your father, especially since you had such a close relationship with him. Keeping his clothes is a normal way of letting yourself remember his presence. Feel better - you guys were lucky to have the type of relationship many can only dream of.

Answer 9

what you are going through is normal you are grieving and grief counsiling is not a bad idea there are 7 stages of grief and if i were a good nurse i'd know em all give yourself time and find someone to talk to your gonna be ok but don't rush yourself

Answer 10

You are normal. It's ok to hold on to those things. Put them to the side and one day you may find you are ready to part with them. You may find that there are some things you will never part with. I can't imagine what you must feel like.

Be strong.