Why am I so jealous?

Question

I love my boyfriend who I have been with for about 2 and a half years and I know he would never cheat on me. The problem is that all his friends are girls and he is very close with some of them. Even though I know he would never cheat, I don't like him spending so much time with these other woman talking about personal things like his relationship with me. It feels like emotional infidelity. I want to be the most important person in his life and if he has something on his mind I prefer he talk about it with me. Now he tries to keep everything he does with them a secret because he knows how mad I get, and that makes me more jealous, and I can't help it. These women know he is taken and I feel they should talk to their own boyfriends or find single guys to pal around with. There is no reason why they should take mine away and occupy his time. I wish he could just make some guy friends to hang out with. Am I being too selfish? A bad girlfriend?

I would also like to add that I have talked to him about this and though we can usually work things out through talking, he refuses to see this through my point of view and thinks I'm being unreasonable.

Answer 1

no, you're not being selfish...and you should tell him how you feel...just be honest with him...and no way, you're not a bad girlfriend. He needs to be able to talk to you only, not other girls about personal things. That's only between you and him.

Answer 2

As your name implies, it is indeed spooky that after 21/2 years with this guy whom you evidently love, you can be this envious. I use the word envy rather than jealousy because it is much softer and I think that is what you are feeling. While I understand your sentiments, you are the most important person in his life already--don't you see?You are now forcing him to hide and not act openly anymore; and that is the stage for the things you worry about the most to occur.One thing you can ask him to stop doing is talking about your relationship to his gal pals. I suspect ,though that it is totally innocent and above board.Don't pressure him into getting rid of these gal pals I implore you He might do it to please you or not risk losing you. But you will not have a happy boyfriend on your hands. Besides, you have male friends and he trusts you around them and is not putting any pressure on you to lose them. Unless you have proof or reasons that he is up to no good , back off.The girls don't have to stop being friends with him just because he has a girl.Whatever time they spend together is time he gives them since no one is forcing him.Finally, you are not a bad girlfriend or selfish; just a little bit clinging, and demanding.Continue to enjoy your man until and unless you have a reason to complain.

Answer 3

let him do it. I used to do that a lot, and had a lot of great friendships ruined because either the girls hated the fact that i wouldn't run my girl into the ground and try to be with them, or i really did try to be with them and they didn't respect it because i had a girl. either way those type of friendships are short lived.

the friendships most likely will not go anywhere. this is how it goes; like clockwork i can assure you; these are girls that have problems with their boyfriends, or want people to have the perception that they do. they talk bad about their boyfriends to your boyfriend, in hopes that he will try to come through and solve their problems. he may give some illustrations about his own problems, if any, to help them out. they'll inevitably try to use it against him and try to nudge him into using the argument that since they're both miserable they should work something out.

if he is a fool he'll fall for it and try to get with them, not even realizing why he'll do it. if he's smart he'll hold his ground and just stop talking about you altogether, which will ruin the friendship. i was in a situation like that, and had been burnt for a while and the other girl just came out and asked why i wasn't telling her anything about my girl. i stated that i didn't have any problems and had nothing to tell. we had problems from then on; eventually she just came out and said that she was jealous of my relationship with my girl.

if your man is still talking to the girls, you've nothing to worry about. if he stops talking so much but he's still seeing them, it has probably graduated to something else. if he's a nice guy, a good guy, he probably doesn't know how to make that happen, and the girl would just have to embarass herself and put it out there to make it happen, and 9 times out of 10 girls won't do that and spite their nose to save their face, even though that's what they want. why throw it out there when a nice guy won't pick it up, or worse off, talk about you to other guys.

tell him you two need some time apart because his other friendships are more important than the one that he has with you. see if he is still talking to those girls then; chances are, him being available, and not someone else's man, they won't want his friendship anymore. if he can't respect it he isn't worth the time.

Answer 4

If it is really as bad as you make it sound then you have every reason to be jealous! If you are just reading into things then you need to get some self-esteem! Try making a guy friend or have a close girl friend and start putting a little more of your energy into them and yourself instead of what your man is doing all the time b/c you said yourself that he would never cheat on you so therefore you really have nothing to worry about! Right?

Answer 5

Yes you are jealous, but NO you are not a bad girlfriend. Many girls get jealous that their boyfriends hang out with girls and trust me...I WAS one of those girlfriends. But i learned that my bf would not do that to me. He introduces me to everyone, both male and female. So that help me feel more secure about being with him and him hanging out with his friends. You should relax alittle and trust him more. If he has never given you any reason to not trust him ten why would you think this way. And hey! most men dont talk to their friends about their girlifreinds. But hey honey! We are lucky because our boyfriends do. He is atleast showing that you are in a relationship and that he can talk freely anf happily about it. Try not to be so jealous. That actually starts more fights and it will cause him to leave you or even worse cheat on you. Maybe he should also ask you to hang out with him and his friends so you can be a lil closer tot hem and know he isnt trying to hurt you in any way. I hope this helps and good luck...

Answer 6

No, I don't think you are a bad girlfriend..When a girl notices her boyfriend being close to any other ladies then she definately feels bad and jealous too afterall humans are selfish by nature..Whatever you wrote above is a proof of your true love toward him..But for a success in love its very necessary to be both sided..But your bf seems to be a bit farer from you..Love becomes stronger when there is mutual sharing of feelings, respect for feeling and devotion. between the two..But your bf seems to lacking some of these qualities...So first you must understand clearly about him (like what he talks with those girls for so long,why he is so close with them, why he keeps something secret to you......) because love is a very complicated matter which can be even more dangerous when becomes bad...and its you( true lover) who is to suffer....so take care in time...wish u success in this complicated matter....good luck..

Answer 7

My best friend happens to be a man I went to school with since 3rd grade. His girlfriend was never jealous of me, because Robbie let her know we were just friends and she trusted him. They have been married since college, almost 20 years.

I think you have to cut your BF some slack. Your jealousy will drive him away more than any other girl. And seriously, what makes you think you have the right to tell him who to pick for a friend and who not to pick? Weren't they friends before you came around?

The best way to harness your suspicious mind...if you are jealous, you are suspicious...is to get to know these girls yourself. Invite them over so ALL of you can hang out together and you can see for yourself there is no threat.

Trust me. Jealousy will kill a relationship. You need to get over it or find someone who has all male friends, instead.