Why is it that some people do not think words hurt every bit as much as spanking when it comes to discipline?

Question

I see that with adults too. They feel violence is not violence if it is only words but they can hurt just as much as a smack on the bottom but, most of the time they are like a slap in the face. Way more demeaning I think. What's your opinion? Should the violence of words be included in the "sparring the rod" question

Answer 1

Midge you can discipline with words without being abusive or violent
because I do agree with you .... words can hurt
so in disciplining , you have to choose your words
there should be no cruel remarks made , no slandering or belittling children

but I much prefer words to smacking
mine consists of ..... go to your room / you wont be playing with that for 3 days / you aren't going out for 3 days
it is taking away privileges.... not using violence

Answer 2

Words do not equate to violence. Acts are violent, but words can only incite violence, they are not violent in themselves.

Where do you draw the line as to what words hurt and what words don't? Some people aren't affected by words even if the most hateful speech is directed at them. Others are too sensitive and can't deal with normal conversations if they turn in any way confrontational.

Worrying about words and their potential harm is like worrying about how to spend lottery winnings. The better solution is to teach the children to understand word usage, and their language, and how to act if someone directs words at them in a negative manner, words that cannot physically harm them. Teach them to understand the words that are used, and the society in which we live. Teach them to speak properly and respectfully, in whatever language they speak. If kids are taught how to handle a difficult situation, it disarms the potential for harm.

As for the Spare the rod issue....this is not a proverb that recommends not spanking a child. It is telling us that if we do not discipline our children, by giving them a specific consequence for bad behavior, they will become "spoiled" (ruined) (--not spoiled in the modern sense of the word - showering them with gifts, etc) and suffer more in life from our neglect in this area than the momentary act of physical punishment. We all need to watch our speech, but it should never be outlawed or mandated by some government agency in order to regulate what comes out of our mouths. That is not freedom, that is censorship, and any offensive speech, which is the very kind of speech that the first amendment was established to protect would be determined by whichever special interest group had the most media attention and pocketbook politicians. No more freedom of religion, no more freedom of opinion, no more freedom to assemble...etc etc etc.

Answer 3

You can remember the pain from a spanking and not feel it, just the thought can and will make you take a second thought before doing something you know will get you a spanking. Words hurt you deep in your soul,demeaning words are heard long after spoken and you feel the same hurt over and over again sometimes for the rest of your life hurt feelings are much worse then spankings

Answer 4

How many times are you going to regurgitate this same incident? Yes, the answers do not change much. Yes, you were very wrong in the way you acted. Perhaps they did over react a wee bit. But they figured they had a spoiled young brat and that better late than never they are going to act. As you say "They said I will be spanked and grounded again if i act bad, and if i curse soap too. I hate being punished but we all seem to get along better now and i get my homework done faster." IMO, it would be better if they spanked OR grounded you if you do something bad again. Usually not spanked AND grounded. Thoughts?? You deserved serious punishment. You got it. Now, get over it. And don't post this here again; next time come to tell us about the NEXT spanking you get!!! .

Answer 5

The saying "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" isn't entirely true as words do hurt. Emotional harm does more damage then physical harm as physical harm such as bumps, cuts, bruises and even broken bones heal. But the emotional abuse takes more of a toll as it can lead to psychological issues later on in life. So therefore people need to be more careful when choosing their words. But at the same time people shouldn't hit their children either. If anything discipline is needed but there are ways of doing so without being physically or verbally abusive such as punishing a child by taking away certain privileges from them.

Answer 6

People have all sorts of strange ideas about discipline. The basic fact is that ALL discipline hurts...if it didn't it wouldn't be effective. At the most basic level, human beings learn from the consequences of their behavior...when something causes pain, we learn to avoid it and when something causes pleasure, we learn to pursue it!

When I look back on my childhood, the non-spanking punishments stand out way more than the spankings. I remember the times I was grounded and had to cancel a date or miss the spring dance at school. More importantly, I remember the times that my parents expressed their disappointment. In fact, I actually preferred a spanking in many cases (that's what I usually suggested when my dad asked what I thought the punishment should be)...yes, my butt would be stinging for a few minutes but then it was over and my dad would give me a hug and tell me he loved me. That was a LOT easier to bear than having to endure his disappointment or live with the consequences for a week of grounding or a whole Saturday spent cleaning out the garage!

When you look at the research in this area, it seems clear that it isn't the type of discipline used, it is the way it is used...be it physical or verbal, discipline done in love yields positive consequences and discipline that isn't done in love yields negative consequences!

Answer 7

Midge, I think words can hurt as much or more than a spanking and yes the violence of words should be included in
the "sparring the rod" question.

Answer 8

Most people seem to have got it here. The truth is that words from a trusted and god-like parent figure can shape ( or misshape ) a child for the rest of his or her life. Sunman's question about how we should address the "Am I bad ?" question was on the same tack.

I learned to be veeeerrry careful how I chose my words with my kids, and I probably learned more than them from the process, something I will be eternally grateful to them for.

Mental abuse can worse than all but the very worst physical abuse, and we should put more resources into helping young parents learn how to cope with child raising and teaching without recourse to either mental or physical abuse.

Answer 9

Pretty amazing when you come to realize that we've built up entire societies using words. That we would render them incapable of harm is really not looking at their actual capabilities.

A spanking would actually hurt a whole lot less, than mom and dad losing control of their words. I'll say this though. Hitting them isn't necessary either.

Answer 10

No-one was ever hurt by words. They are not the same as violence. If you don't think so then give your opponent your best shot so they can see how they like it. If you don't agree you are just too sensitive. It means you need toughening up with more strong words until you stop taking yourself so seriously.

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Is this question about spanking children? Where did children get mentioned? I thought it was about sensitivity to words. How is it not?

I hope you use neither phsyical of verbal abuse against your children.

Answer 11

No, there should never be violence of words or in any way
words cut and hurt deep
They should speak to you in a calm way and make sure you understand, not with violence with love

Prayer for you
bless you always