Hosting a bridal shower?

Question

I have never heard this until today...someone just mentioned that family is not supposed to throw a shower for the bride.

First question: Why not? I'm not sure I understand the logic, and would appreciate any input you can offer.

Second question: If the MOH is out of town and unable to plan the shower, is it really so bad if the bride's Grandmother and/or Aunt plan something? What if it's a joint effort? Who is the appropriate designee if the MOH can't do it?

Thanks a ton for all your answers!

Just a bit of clarification...

I suppose "designee" was the wrong choice of wording...I should have said "next best choice".

And in the situation I'm in, the bride is living on her own already...she and her fiance are dirt poor, so I would hate to see her go without a shower. The point of saying this is that she and her fiance are the only ones who share their financial burden, so I don't see how an Aunt throwing a shower for her would imply that the Aunt is hoping to avoid this burden.

I guess I get that it could look like we're "fishing" for gifts for her, but isn't that exactly what a shower is anyway, even if it's her friends who are doing the "fishing"?

Answer 1

Giving a shower for a relative looks too much like shaking down your friends to enrich your own family. So one gives showers only for non-relatives.

However, there is nothing to stop relatives from "helping" this non-relative to give the shower; financial contributions, loans of china, assistance with addressing invitations, etc., are examples.

The bride (or expectant mother) doesn't "designate" anyone to throw a shower for her. Giving a shower for a friend is a voluntary act of generosity, not an obligation. A shower can properly be given by any non-relative kind enough to volunteer.

Answer 2

Well, I have 6 sisters, numerous aunts,cousins, nieces. In my family, the bride's family,mother,sisters, whoever have ALWAys hosted the bridal shower. It's a joint effort, as it should be. The MOH and bridesmaids were always involved, but our immediate family actually hosted the party. I think you should do whatever fits your family and situation the best. Don't worry about what's "right" or "wrong", just do what works for YOU and your family. Good luck and ENJOY!

Answer 3

http://www.etiquettehell.com/content/eh_wedding/gimme/egimmearc1999.shtml

i have been reading this website this week and the person who runs it has said over and over that it is wrong for a family member to throw a shower and i really do not know why that is either.

what if ALL the bridesmaids are sisters and relatives?

i do not know how to answer for i do not see anything wrong with it. it actually makes more sense because the person hosting the shower need to know who to invite and when the bride is free.

i always thought it would be a nice gesture if the MIL to be would throw a shower, but i guess i am guilty of bad manners or something. maybe someone else knows the answer to your question, but i never went to a shower and thought OMG the sister is throwing it TACKY!

Answer 4

They CAN host the bridal shower, there are many reasons why. Perhaps the families live in different states. The brides family can throw one, the grooms family can throw one, and the MOH can throw one if they are all in different areas.

The only people who shouldn't throw a bridal shower is the bride and groom.

Answer 5

I think family members throwing the shower is perfectly fine. Maybe it's a really OLD tradition- I've never heard of it.

I had 3 showers. One thrown by my MOH who was also my future sister-in-law that one was for my hubby's side of the family (he's got a huge family) One was thrown by my aunt for my family and the people I work with threw a shower for the work crowd.

I'd let whoever wants to coordinate a shower do it. :)

Answer 6

because the point of a shower is to get gifts and if a family member plans the shower it looks like they are tryign to rounde up gifts for the bride. personally I dont think its really a problem unless its the bride herself of the mother of the bride. if anyone else does it I dont think its really so bad, though I think bridal showers are rude and I would not attend one no matter who was throwing it. thats just me though. I dont feel gifts have any place at a wedding or before it.

Answer 7

I hadn't heard that either til I saw it on Answers. However, it just seems to depend upon where you live. Where I'm from, Western Canada, the family usually plans the shower, with help from bridesmaids. Mine was planned by my mom, two of my sisters, a sister-in-law, and a bridesmaid. As an auntie, I've also been in on the planning for my niece's shower, and showers for my nephews' brides.

Answer 8

According to a book from the knot, family (especially a mother) should not throw the bridal shower because she (they) will be asking for gifts for her daughter instead of her friends (who wouldn't be responsible for her financial burder otherwise). The biggest issue is how you word it on the invitations. You can absolutely throw the shower but you should not write "so and so, aunt of bride invites you to shower the bride with presents." Where, "so and so, bridesmaids of so and so invite you to shower the bride with presents" would be acceptable. Or maybe, "Lets shower the bride with presents" might actually be ok.

Sorry for the rambling. It's late.

Answer 9

I would say screw it! If people don't like that a family member throws the shower, then they can stay at home. Sometimes a family member is the only one who is able to do it. It's not like the family member is going to get any of the gifts, they're actually losing money by throwing the party. This is 2007, not 1838.

Answer 10

I heard the same thing. It's stupid. Anybody who wants to throw a shower should throw it. Supposedly the "etiquette books" also say you have a YEAR to send the couple a wedding gift. Well I COMPLETELY disagree with that rule. If you've been invited to a wedding I think a gift should appear BEFORE the wedding, AT the wedding or VERY SHORTLY thereafter. Whoever made up that stupid rule was obviously someone who either didn't want to buy a gift and/or wanted to be excused for attending a wedding empty-handed (and didn't want to admit they couldn't afford a gift) OR wanted to be able to party at someone else's expense! Who the hell is going to remember get a wedding gift a year later? **** all these stupid rules!