Unappreciative husband...?

Question

I am a stay at home mother of two, newborn and two year old. I have chosen to have no college or full time job until my children start school so that I may be here for them. Even then I would consider staying home full time to keep my homemaking duties intact while they were away. My husband works full time 5 days a week. He helps with the kids to an extent, but nothing more. He says that it is "what I signed up for" and that it is my job. He says he don't want to work all day and come home and work here too. He has no respect for what I do at all. We have had the whole argument about SAHM vs working a million times. He refuses to believe it. He says that I don't do his job,so why should he do mine? I have never asked him to clean or do detailed things with the kids such as bathing,etc or cooking/cleaning. I do everything here. He is merely entertainment/sitter when I am busy. He says that I have all day to myself and he has no free time?? What do I say to this? I feel unappreicated.

Answer 1

Go out with me. Just joking. Maybe not. You sound like a great mom and wife. You need to do something so that he appreciates you. Most men like when their wives are attracted by other men. Tell him that I flirted with you at the store and you found it very rude. He'll actually find this a turn on. Once you get him in this position, start asking him to do some chores like he is some kind of house boy.

No one signed up to be a full time servant.

Answer 2

Unappreciative Husband Quotes

Answer 3

How does he figure you have all day to yourself? Especially with a newborn? I have told my husband before at least you get the drive to and from work alone, and get breaks when you can walk away, when does a SAHM get to walk away, or have a 15 minute break to do anything? And I am sorry working full time or not the kids are still his repsonsibility too, if you worked outside the home you would still have to take care of them in the evening.
My best answer is leave for a whole day and dont let him bum the kids off on a mom or MIL or friends. Have him take care of them on his own for 12 hours and maybe he will change his tune.
Otherwise just know in your heart you are doing something wonderful for your children, sometimes that is the only thing that keeps me going, is giving them the good foundation I am fortunate enough to do.
My youngest is starting 1st grade this year and I am just beginning to regain some freedom, but it has been worth it, I have the rest of my life to get it back and there would be no getting back the years I have had with them. I am in no way judging working moms, I did it for the first 1.5 years of my oldest life. I am simply saying it is a sacrifice worth the heartache a husband can give you. Time goes by faster than you think and in a few more years you will have more freedom and more choices available to you. Hope he wakes up and realizes the sacrifices that a SAHM mom makes on a daily basis as well. Hang in there!!

Answer 4

Ahhh, you are describing my husband to a T!! I don't know if it helps, but it turns out my husband just wasn't much of a baby person. My kids are now 6, 4 and 3, and he is MUCH more involved with the kids now. Takes them on outings, spends a lot of time with them, etc. He'll bathe them, put them to bed, etc. He just couldn't handle it when they were babies/toddlers.

I agree it sucks in the meantime though. It was definitely a low point in my marriage when my kids were babies. I felt very unappreciated. If your husband would ever agree to it, see if you can leave the kids with him for a day.... that usually ups the appreciation factor for most people. Other than that, I'm not sure there is much more you can do than ride it out, which I guess is what I did. Not great advice I suppose..... I wish you the best of luck!!

Answer 5

I have to give my husband credit he helps out a lot & he works12-14hrs a day about 6 days a week on average. He's the manager, so it varies. but he's great, he helps me out a lot, especially when I'm sick, but back in the day I would get so mad that all I did was clean & take care of kids, but then he told me, no one ever asked me to do everything. The house doesn't have to be spotless & perfect. Just do what absolutley needs to be done. So do what you got to do, make sure the kids are taken care of, the house isn't filthy & from that mark on who cares? Clean up when company comes over so you don't have to be embarrassed. I guarantee you he will become more appreciative of the things you used to do for him & things around the house when they're not getting done anymore. Or if he decides to be a jerk about it tell him you did your job that you signed up for & the rest were just an unappreciated luxury of the past.

Answer 6

Well first off all I would like to say "SORRY *** EXCUSE FOR A MAN!" If you ask me the first 5hrs. of any day for a stay at home mom/dad is a full time job. So your so called husband needs to step back a take a good look at what he now has and not what was... It is a family of 4 now and you are just one person who had help bringing the two little one in. And now he want no part in it any more, or should I say, he fill it's no in his job description., BULL ****! Ask him to take a look at your kids, what does he see? My point? Well I have 3 kids 1yr., 8&9yrs. no longer with for just about the same reasons as your but the other way around and I worked. Anyways, what I'm try 2 say is that with kids it's a never ending job...well that is untill their out od the house. That all have to say, well could say more but that will be it for now... but is you would like to know or talk a little more about this you can reach me at ([e-mail]) if you would like. Hope everthing work out for you... Your friend AL3

Answer 7

omg doesnt he know that his job has a set schedual and your is 24/7? if he doesnt know this TELL him. my husband is in the military.they sometimes work looooooooooong hours. i am a stay at home mom.which means my job is 24/7! my husband knows this very clear. we have a 3 and 2 yr old.i am expecting our 3rd. we both understand how hard each others jobs are. still he come home and helps out.i dont have to ask,he just helps with whatever i need to help my day "end". we both get the kids ready for bed .when they are in bed we treat each other with a massage or a warm cozy bath. i think your husband is selfish to think this is the job "you signed up for". he should be left alone with your kids as someone else mentioned so that he can see that he is the one with the easy job. my first husband was just as yours is.thats why he is now an EX husband!no matter what you do,i dont believe you can convince him to change his mind on how he thinks,what you can do ,is find a way out.i wish you all the luck nd he better hope that you can remain strong.i hope i have been of help!

Answer 8

I would be upset to. I am a SAHM with a 10 month old and a 3 year old. My husband works alot. But when he is home we split the chores equally. Of course I end up doing more, because I am home more often. But when he is here, he has no problem doing the dishes, making dinner, bathing kids, and so on. That is how a marraige should be! You should each give 60% so your not just meeting in the middle you are exceeding eachothers expectations. You will find if you can get through to him, that it will make you life easier, and your relationship better.

Answer 9

I see his point but you might point out to him that raising 2 children and taking care of a house is a 16 hour job.
I know what you are going thru. I raised a daughter myself while working 10 hours a day and I am a man. The work at home doesn't stop at 5pm.
If he could help by bathing the kids and reading to them he will find a greater joy in that then working or watching tv.
He does need a night out with the boys one every week or so BUT so do you! Sitting at home all day long with adolecents gets very boring. You need to be around your adult friends to bring you back to the real adult world. A date out with your hubby without the kids every once in a while helps also and keeps the bond together. Good luck mommy! I hope this helps.

Answer 10

Been there; done that. I ended up in the hospital unexpectedly; and he had to care for the kids for a few days until the grandmas came to relieve him. He's been much better since than. Every once in a while; he'll forget his lesson - so I have to suddenly leave to care for my ill dad. He's always happy to have me back afterwards; and much more understanding.
I do give him at least an hour upon getting home though before I dig out the "honey do list". Giving him time to unwind will help.
If nervous, take the baby with you. Yes the toddler will be more than enough to get your point across.