why do some men when they find out that she has kids at home, they shy away?

Question

is it intimidating to some men that they try not to go on a date with someone who already have kids? what exactly is it? I like to know the real truth to this...

Answer 1

1. I think most men are weary of disputes with "an" ex husband. It can get dangerous and deadly.
2. They don't want to get involved in a relationship that already has "baggage", if you know what I mean. Emotional conflicts would be distracting.
3. They are afraid that the children will not accept them. They might have a great relationship with you, but after having invested time and emotions, in the end the children will spoil any long term relationship.
4. They are fearful that the mother will eventually go back to the ex due to children's emotional attachments and needs.

Answer 2

this is very simple to answer. Guys don't generally want a package deal. Think about it...relationships are hard enough with just 2 people...if you add kids to the mix, it's even tougher. you won't ever have that alone time just for yourself without having to worry about the kids either being babysat, or in the other room. Then there's also the babydaddy factor. What if he's in the picture (most guys don't even want to find out if he's around or not) Or another reason is they're not ready for that kind of commitment....they're going to become instant dads in a way. Or what if things do go great at first, and the guy likes your kid and they get along...only to have things not work out. Then the kid gets emotionally attached to the other person, and they can't be around anymore and it's going to hurt everyone all around. these are just some answers...hopefully they helped.

Answer 3

It depends on the guy and the lady...and a few other things:

1) A guy who meets a single woman who has kids at home will assume a few things:
A) She was married, divorced, and the kids have a dad somewhere who wouldn't look kindly on a strange man playing (however innocently) with her kids.
B) She didn't marry, has kids out of wedlock, and they may have multiple dads.
C) She has kids, won't have the time to give him all of her attention and wouldn't be available for casual dating or intimacy.

Some guys just aren't interested in having kids, or entering a relationship where the kids might start to look on him as a surrogate dad. Some guys don't want the competition for the woman's affections.

Some guys just don't have will to enter into someone else's life and accept ALL of their life as part of the package.

Some guys would find this a challenge to be met and achieved, though, so keep your eyes open for that guy.

Answer 4

It is not intimidating at all, men's problem is the extra baggage(the kids, not singular kid, but the plural - kids!). Think about it, you're out on a date at a restaurant then you get a call from your babysitter or the kids, so even if you are out on a date, you'll always get side-tracked; so that's not fun when men expect your full attention while you're on a date. Also, men would not like to have to think of spending for presents for the kids also and most men can't deal with other men's responsibilities.

Answer 5

I have done it and will avoid doing it again as much as possible. Here are some reasons in no particular order that I dealt with

1) baby dad drama
2) there really cannot be any spur of the moment trips
3) getting attached to the kid (s) and having the relationship not workout
4) having the mother run back to the kids dad and cheating
5) paying for things for the kid
6) having the kids walk in on us having sex
7) dealing with ex's family members

and so on and so fourth. Nothing personal it is just my preference. You just have to be patient and the right man will come along. Just like some people will not date short people, brunets, tall people... etc I choose not to date single mothers. It is my choice.

Answer 6

Over the past few weeks I've gone out with a woman who has two kids. They're great, unfortunately it doesn't appear that it's going to work out with me and her. So to answer your question it's just like everything else in life. Some are willing to date women with children and some aren't. You're never going to get 100% of people to think the same way.

Answer 7

cuz he wants more attention from her. cuz he isnt prepared to be a step father. cuz he doesnt like kids that much. cuz ....there's an ex in the background he doesnt want to have to deal with. cuz...he cant handle that she had a life before him. He wants someone that doesnt have kids. Just makes life simpler for him. nothing wrong with that. everyone has a line that they draw. he should be up front about that. sometimes, her having kids is a gift of love for him that he is afraid of hurting because he cant give. there are more hearts (the kids) that need. maybe he cant give. not a fault ..its just he knows what he is or isnt capable of.

Answer 8

The truth is - not all guys are looking for a ready made family.

So, rather than getting to know the kids, hanging around long enough for you all to love them - they move on.

As much as it hurts, they are doing you a favor. You don't want your kids to get attached to someone who is not going to be there.

Answer 9

For some men, it is just scary for them to have to deal with kids. Other times, they don't think that the lady is right for them, because they were once with a guy and had kids with them, and then they separated. That scares guys and makes them think that if they got serious in their relationship, then they could separate easily.

Answer 10

Women need to be upfront with this. I am old fashion and dont want a premade family. I dont want someone elses kids or some deadbeat coming round to see his lil' squirts.

Plus, it takes all the fun out of it when they are already made.