Office politics?

Question

I am not very well liked by a certain girl in my office, thus she makes my life a living hell. I have noticed I have become very paranoid and have lots of anxiety because of this. She talks about me behind my back and is having a party for all the women in my office and didn't invite me (I am the only one she didn't invite, mind you). I am already taking things meds for anxiety and mood stabilizing, but I find myself very paranoid about everything. Please help, this sounds pathetic, but I am very upset.

This girl is just drama, if you try to confront her it goes really poorly. She can not take criticism. As far as why she doesn't like me, I have no idea. I am from an upper middle class family and she doesn't like that, I was in a sorority in college and she calls all sorority girls tramps (or worse) and the fact I told her I wasn't fond of children and she has one. So I think that is why probably.

Answer 1

I feel really bad for you. Those women are not the kind of people that I would feel too badly about for not wanting to include me in their stupid little party. You go to work to earn money. You aren't there to be entertained or have a popularity contest. Ignore these immature, small-minded women. They haven't matured out of their grade school mentality and you do not need to be accepted by them in order to feel good about yourself. Just tell yourself that you are there to do a job, collect your paycheck, and go spend it and have fun. Do not allow these petty fools to cause you any pain. Let them play their silly little games. Showing them you don't need them will put them in their places. Rise above the idiocy, girl, and do not let them bring you down. They aren't that important. Showing them that you couldn't care less about them will take their power away and give you yours back. You are making them out to be more important to you than they really are. They are NOTHING to you. Ignore the twits. They're just jealous of you.

Answer 2

READ THIS: I FOUND IT ON YAHOO!

Office life can have its ups and downs, but having to endure a jerk can make it miserable. Office jerks take on many forms, and thus require creative strategies for dealing with them.

Handling Six Common Types

The Loud Phone-Talker. "Obviously the first step is to pull them aside quietly and ask them to lower their voice when using the phone," says Julie Jansen, a career coach, consultant, and trainer. "If this doesn't stop them, you could dish out the same treatment and stand near their cube on your cell phone and talk loudly. Or you can hold up a sign that says, 'Please turn volume down.'"

The Hang-Arounder. When confronting the co-worker who chronically lingers to chat when you are trying to make a deadline -- a subtle jerk, but a jerk nonetheless -- try standing up when they enter your office or cube. "The unspoken message of your body language will clearly tell him or her to keep it brief and head for the door," says Ken Lloyd, author of "Jerks at Work: How to Deal With People Problems and Problem People."

The Idea Stealer. There is a strong possibility that this jerk can't distinguish between a good idea and a bad one. "Somewhere along the way, slip in a really bad idea and let the jerk steal that," Lloyd says. However, beware that this might only encourage the jerk to become worse.

The Meeting Monopolizer. Get creative. "Try eliminating the chairs and making it a standup meeting," Lloyd suggests. The monopolizer will likely get thrown off and won't have time to settle into the usual routine of unproductive dominance.

The Bully. Remember, you're not in high school anymore. "Hold your ground and refuse to be bullied," says Steve Piazzale, a career and life coach who runs BayAreaCareerCoach.com. "They'll usually back off over time."

The Boss. Sometimes dealing with a jerk should not be your problem, particularly if you have a manager who is a jerk. In this case you might take a look around the company and notice several jerks. "This may be part of the company culture," Piazzale says. "In which case get out!"

More General Coping Strategies

Passive. Avoidance is the most obvious solution if you don't want a confrontation with any type of office jerk. "You can go to your boss and ask him to intervene," says Jansen. Or, if things are really unbearable, you could ask to be relocated to another part of the office.

Active. Avoidance can backfire if the jerk continues the annoying behavior. Try talking to the person. "Difficult people don't always know they're being difficult," Jansen says. "People generally don't have a very high level of self-awareness, so specific and constructive feedback is important."

If you must confront a jerk, it is wise to take the high road. Career coach Piazzale says, "Try to understand where the behavior is coming from, and tailor your response to that."

Answer 3

If she is harrassing you (verbally, mentally or physically) in the office or giving you extra work or tasks beyond your assingned work, or if you've heard her talking about you, schedule a meeting with your human resources manager/supervisor/manager/boss. You should not have to put up with harrassment in the work place, and discuss what's going on and how it is affecting the work environment and your ability to do your job. This lady should be doing her work, not spending time gossiping about you and harassing you. As for the party or other events that take place outside of the office, if she doesn't want you there she doesn't have to invite you. You'll have to just get over that. Try having your own party or event, except be the bigger person and invite her.

Answer 4

It definitely is hard to feel like an outcast.

But what is it about you that she doesn't like?
If she doesn't know you, try and talk to her let her know who you are. People dislike the unknown, once she knows you things might be better.

If you guys have already talked and something went wrong talk to her about. You guys are both adults and this immature behaviour should not be accepted in an office environment.

If you have approached her and talked to her calmly and she doesn't change. Just chalk it up as a loss and move on, not everyone is going to like yo.I am aware it is an office environment and you are in close corner but make "allies" with others at work, to help ease the tension. But remember never talk about her behind her back...ever.

Answer 5

My experience is that I didn't get along with several people at my job, then I made some changes in my life and stopped worrying about what they were doing and now most of them are no longer working here. I get along with the ones that still work here. The point I am trying to make is that you can't change her but you can take a look at yourself and change things about you. If you choose to do this then you will feel better about yourself and you won't worry about them so much. Either they will leave you alone, leave the job or you will leave the job. What ever happens at work won't matter you will feel better about yourself and they won't matter.

Answer 6

Unfortunately, you are giving her what she wants by being paranoid and anxious. She needs to feel that she has power over you. The best way to fight her is to not be anxious and paranoid and to remain friends with any of the other women who work there, the more the better. If the situation is bad enough that none of the other women will speak to you, then you need somehow to find a way to confront her privately. Tell her you are not aware of what you have done to offend her and would like for her to explain it to you. If she says nothing, which will probably be the case, then say "I would appreciate it if you have a complaint against me you bring it to me directly. I'll do you the same favor. Meanwhile, it's not appropriate for you to complain about me to other people without coming to me first." If she actually has a specific complaint, it's probably something silly, and you can say, "If this is important to you, I'll certainly be happy not to do it again. In the meantime, I would appreciate in return if you come directly to me with any complaints you have against me."

But I wouldn't bother with any of that unless there are none of the other women who will associate with you because of her backstabbing. There are bound to be other grownups there and you can just associate with them and continue to do your job and ignore her. Refusing to respond to her tactics is the best weapon ever!

Answer 7

I bet you are able to walk. I can't walk, and have never been able to. Yes,I have hope that I will someday, but the doctors keep telling me not to get my hopes up. When I hear people are upset about somebody not liking them, I wonder how much real problems they have had in their life. If this broad bothers you, ignore her. Why do you need to feel liked by people at work. Don't you have a life outside of work? I bet you are able to do a lot more than I can, and you don't hear me complaining about the way people look at me, the way kids talk about me, and the people who try to hit my chair as I try and cross the road.

Answer 8

Sweetie isn't it obvious that she is sooooooooo jealous of you. You are probably pretty and hit on by the guys she likes or your really smart and well appreciated. Ignore her she needs to grow up. Your the mature one stop being cuckoo and taking pills feel pride in the fact that someone can be so affected by your presence. The more you react the more she will harass give her a cold shoulder and you win.

Answer 9

Oh sweetie, I feel bad for you. It's so painful when something like this happens. She's a *****.

One day (maybe soon), she'll either leave, or you will, and you'll find people you like to work with.

You are not alone - I'm in my 50s and vitually everyone I know has gone through this at one time or another. Including me. That's why I work at home - alone. :-)

Answer 10

Do you get on with the others in the office besides this girl? If so, why not discuss it with the person you are closest too and tell them how bad it is making you feel, perhaps they could intervene. It sounds like this girl is the one with the issues but if the people you work with are basically decent, i can't imagine they would allow her to victimise you.