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Three years ago in college my five friends and I all swore up and down we would be in each other's weddings as bridesmaids. This has held true for three weddings so far, and I am the fourth to get married. Our one friend who is unmarried and does not have a boyfriend has been gaining weight since the last year of college. She is no up to something like 180 pounds. She looks like Jabba the Hutt! The other friends put up with her in their weddings, when she jsut looked kind of fat. But now she is frickin obese. I don't want her in my wedding party, but we don't even ask each other, we just assume we are in the wedding. So, my question is I am annoucing my engagement at party this Saturday. I want the other girls in the party, but the fifth one, no way, no how. How do I do this without ticking her off. The other's understand, they know she's a whale. But she is also my friend, so I don't want to be mean. I jsut don't want her in the wedding.

2007-07-11 06:58:46 · 62 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Weddings

62 answers

Look at this picture:

http://im1.shutterfly.com/procserv/47b6d939b3127cce8b4648c9a18300000106108AYtWLVk0ZNR

I'm the one dressed in black, second from the left. Is that "obese" to you?? Do I look like a frickin' WHALE? I weigh 175. I sure hope you don't end up having kids that are overweight. What would you do then? You are obviously a pretensious ***** who cares about nothing but appearances. Is that why you're getting married?? Because you've found a good-looking guy who's willing to put up with you? You're a real piece of work.

2007-07-11 09:22:13 · answer #1 · answered by Mindi Bunch 2 · 12 2

Ask and you shall receive...
# 1 the fact that she doesn't have a boyfriend is irrelevant!
# 2 If she is in fact a friend to you (and you to her) it shouldn't matter if she was 250 pounds. She is still your friend regardless.
# 3 If you were in fact a true friend to her, you would not call her nasty things like Jabba the Hutt, and a whale. I could never do that to a friend of mine.
# 4 I wouldn't blame her for never talking to you again!

With all of that being said... I know you want your day to be wonderful and magical, and your photos to come out amazing, but are you willing to loose a good friend? Why don you and your wedding party get more active in an effort for YOU to look great on your big day and include her in this effort. Start eating healthy and work out regularly. That way maybe she will start to change her daily patterns and improve her health and quality of life.

Stop being so damn judgmental and superficial, and show some love and respect for your friend.

2007-07-11 07:33:01 · answer #2 · answered by CHRIS 3 · 6 1

Well, seeing as how appearance is way more important than friendship to you you could do the following things. However, it would just show that you are a cold hearted person and she will know why you are saying all this, even if you try to act clueless. What a mean person you are. Tell her that money wise (or because your fiance prefers) that you can't afford to have 5 bridesmaids That way you will be happy and her feelings will be hurt. Oh and stressing over this and doing the WRONG decision is just going to make your wedding suck because you'll be feeling bad the whole time.

2007-07-11 07:26:49 · answer #3 · answered by RoniLea 2 · 2 1

If you truly cared enough to want her by your side, you'd get the heck over her weight. My sister-in-law was in my wedding party, and I don't care that she was also edging up toward 200 lbs. at the time. I love her, and I wanted her at my side. My bridesmaids were short, tall, thin and fat, but they were the women I was closest to and cared most about. When I look at the photos today, I see the people I love. That's what makes the photographs beautiful.

Are you choosing bridesmaids or casting a Broadway chorus line? If you're choosing bridesmaids and this woman is your friend, you'll have her in the party, as you are having your other friends. If you're casting a Broadway chorus line, don't be surprised if she doesn't attend your wedding or if she finds friends who appreciate who she is inside no matter what her weight.

2007-07-11 07:13:10 · answer #4 · answered by gileswench 5 · 7 1

Newsflash: YOU ARE BEING EXTRA-MEAN!!!

Maybe you should base friendship on who people are and what you've been through together and not on looks.
My best friend is over 300 pounds and she was my maid of honor. The rest are skinny.

Did I even think about it? No way!
Did anyone care at all about her weight? No one gave two hoots.
Do the pictures look hideous? Not at all!!!! I love my wedding pictures because they show the people I love regardless of weight, race, height or education.

Why do people want everything to look perfect? Can't you see imperfection when you look in the mirror? Can someone seriously consider you a friend when all you can think of are looks?

Now, if you only care about having a perfect wedding, a bit of advice: that is just not happening. You'll have it in your conscience that you betrayed a friend, so it'll only spoil your "perfect" day, and well deserved will it be!

2007-07-11 07:26:31 · answer #5 · answered by crazyrockrchk007 2 · 6 1

Listen, Bridezilla, set back and take a look at what you wrote, think about what it makes you look like, and repent.

People are not set decorations. Smart people do not pick their wedding party based on appearance. She is your friend, and you invited her to be in your wedding party years ago. It would be the height of rudeness, selfishness, and stupidity for you to disinvite her now.

Yes, the wedding is supposed to be all about you - the bride - on her special day. But that does not give you license to hurt other people along the way. If you disinvite her, she will know it, the other bridesmaids will know it, and their friends will know it. Everyone will speculate that the reason you broke your promise is because you think she is too fat. They will be right.

You will end up looking like a total jerk. Everyone who knows you and your friend (or any of your friends) will know the story, and know that you turned into an arrogant, self-centered bridezilla, and they will laugh about you for years to come.

Your fat friend belongs in your wedding party. Be an adult and keep your promise.

2007-07-11 07:13:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 7 1

Why would you want her in your wedding. Obviously she is not your friend or you wouldn't be so damned rude and judgmental. So what, she gained some weight. You are perhaps one of the most disgusting people I have ever had the misfortune to meet. What a B*TCH. Apparently you have no idea what a friend is and with your attitude it's a wonder you have any friends at all. Do her a favor and don't include her so she will know just how shallow you are.

2007-07-11 07:45:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 6 1

Wow. I really hope that her appearance is not the only reason you don't want her in the wedding. If it is, I would suggest sending her the link to what you just wrote. She'd pretty much get the point, now wouldn't she? I mean, 180 pounds. Wow, that's freaking ENORMOUS. Whale-like. Probably the reason she doesn't have a boyfriend, too. I hope this is a joke.

That being said... no one said you have to have these girls in your wedding. You could ask her to help in some other way - doing a reading or distributing programs.

2007-07-11 07:12:10 · answer #8 · answered by Sarah 3 · 2 2

This has got to be the most rude and cruel thing I've ever seen! If she's truly your friend, her size and how she'll look in her bridesmaids dress wouldn't matter! My best friend is near 180 and she's going to be a bridesmaid in my wedding one day! I don't care if she gets to be 300 pounds by the time I get married! She'll be in my wedding because she's my friend and I love her dearly! Looks shouldn't matter! And I'm willing to bet that if your "friend" saw what you've told us on here she would break down in tears! I truly feel sorry for this girl if she honestly considers you a friend.

2007-07-11 08:12:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 5 1

I have seen bridesmaids in wheelchairs, on crutches, with leg and back and neck braces on. I have seen them walk down the aisle holding on to a groomsman's arm because they could not walk unassisted. The whole wedding party, and guests, looked happy and joyous to have them there.

Obviously, that would not be you.

Since you are the bride, and the whole thing is about you being Cinderella, do whatever you want. If you don't want her as a bridesmaid, or at the wedding at all, then tell her and tell her why. It shouldn't be so hard for you. You have no tender feelings or heart.

2007-07-11 07:25:56 · answer #10 · answered by danashelchan 5 · 9 1

If you do this it will be mean and hurtful, whether you intend it to be or not. You have not treated her like a friend, either here or in the conversations you describe with the other bridesmaids. "Jabba the Hut" is NOT a term of endearment.

Your wedding is your day - what's important to you? Really do some soul searching and decide what is shallow and what's REALLY important. Then live with your decision. You get zero sympathy from me, bridezilla.

2007-07-11 07:10:59 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 7 1

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