Is this actually an appropriate thing to do in regards to RSVPs?

Question

This situation crossed my mind as I was reading answers to one of my other questions....
Some answers made mention of actually calling those who did not send back the rsvp.....

Is that actually appropriate and acceptable to CALL people about their rsvp?
Wouldn't that make some people feel kinda pressured or "put on the spot?" Wouldn't that make you kinda look like your "insistant" or something???
Just curious on what the majority thinks.....

Answer 1

kinda depends on what the rsvp is for - if it is just for a casual party, then calling is not appropriate, but say, for a wedding, where a bride & groom need to know how many people are attending for meals, or if they have room to invite others when first choices can't make it (etc) then it is appropriate to give a call.

Answer 2

I called people, my husband called people form his family. We gave people PLENTY of RSVP time. I sent my invites just over 8 weeks before the wedding & asked they be returned by 2 weeks before. Over 6 weeks to RSVP, which I think is more than enough time for one to figure out if they are coming or not. Most had just forgotten to send theirs, or "didn't understand why" they needed to. I think giving people 6 weeks then calling didn't look insistant, but I really didn't mind if it did. I was paying almost $50 per person, if I had just guessed if they were coming I would have spent hundreds of dollars, maybe for no reason at all. If I don't send back an RSVP, I don't feel as though I'm being pressured or anything if I'm contacted, I actually feel bad for making them go out of their way to contact me in the first place.

Answer 3

Yes it is very acceptable to call guests that have neglected to RSVP by the RSVP date. They are the ones being rude and the final guest count is important for numerous reasons. However, who makes the phone calls is the concern. The bride, groom, or parents of the couple should never make the calls because it can put people on the spot. A wedding planner or member of the wedding party should make the calls. It should be a simple and polite conversation that shouldn't offend anybody.

Example:
This is John Smith calling to confirm that you will or will not be attending the wedding of Jack and Jill on July 11, 2007.

Answer 4

If you (or your mom, or the groom, or whoever) knows this person well enough to send them a wedding invitation, then this someone certainly knows them well enough to phone them "to confirm that they received the invitation" and to "firm up the guest list".

Insistent is exactly what you want to be in this case. The recipient of an invitation has an obligation to promptly accept or decline so that the host can actually PLAN the event. It is their failure to meet this obligation [aka their plain inconsiderate rudeness] that has put YOU on the spot, so your tone should be anything BUT apologetic.

A "firm up the guest list" call isn't a bad idea even for those guests who DO rsvp promptly. It allows you to politely refuse to allow prospective guests to use your wedding reception as a way to provide a champagne dinner for dates, houseguests, etc ... at your expense.

Do not allow guests to bully you into accepting a "maybe" answer. The response for that is "I'm so sorry you can't commit; I'd have loved to have you there. If you change your mind, please let me know before [your deadline date]."

These calls also give your guests an opportunity to ask what an appropriate gift might be. It would be tacky for YOU to bring up the subject, of course, but if they ASK then feel free to tell them that what you need most is CASH.

Congratulations and best wishes.

Answer 5

Oh, most definitely, it is the appropriate thing to do. To a certain extent, I say "so what" if you put them on the spot?!?! You have been considerate enough to send them the postage-paid return envelope and asked for their input with plenty of notice to spare. It is THEIR ineptitude that has caused this problem, not yours.

Just explain to them that the venue requires firm counts by a certain date, and that you're just following up in order to get these numbers submitted. And yes...you are being insistant...but that's because other people are insisting that you provide them with the info, and you can't respond until you've heard from everyone else.

If you don't call them, you may end up either paying for a meal that they don't show up to eat, or worse yet, having them show up with no meal available for them. How embarrassing would that be for you and for them?!?!

It seems to be more and more common for people to put off RSVP-ing to the last minute, in case they have something "more important" to do. If any of them give you an answer that's along the lines of, "Gee, I'm not sure yet", just say, "Okay, well I'll mark you down as a no, then. I'm sorry you won't be able to make it.", and move on.

If they don't have the consideration to respond in an appropriate manner & timeframe, they probably shouldn't have been invited anyway.

Answer 6

I thought this was an appropriate thing to do (to call people that did not rsvp), and I agree it depends on how well you know the person. My family is notorious for not rsvp-ing and then showing up and expecting food, so I usually put a side note in that if I don't hear from that person by the rsvp date, I will assume that they are not coming and will not reserve a spot for them nor will I have enough food if they do decide to come at the last minute. I know that may sound rude, but a member from my family showed up one thanksgiving late with her dish to pass of raw uncooked potatoes (was supposed to be mashed potatoes). So I just don't feel bad anymore. But obviously I wouldn't enclose that note to everyone.

So I guess it just depends. Hope this helps!

Answer 7

Here's my two cents worth: If somebody sends you and invitation that states RSVP (Respond, if you please) it's because they are trying to plan an event and don't want to leave you out. If you do not respond with a yes or no, they are put in the position of leaving you out or calling because they didn't get an answer from you, one way OR the other. Afterall, what if your response got lost in the mail? They are being above and beyond polite to go to the added expense of calling you to make sure they don't hurt your feelings by leaving you out and then having you show up to be told there's no food or seat for you, etc, you were crossed off the list. The rude party is the one who did not rsvp.

Answer 8

If you need an exact count, sometimes calling people is the only option. You can call and ask in a way that doesnt pressure the guest. For example, "I just wanted to make sure you received your invitation, some have gotten lost in the mail. Oh you did get it? Good! If you don't want to mail your RSVP card back, you can just give me a call once you know whether or not you'll be able to attend."

If it's past your "RSVP by..." date, then it's okay to just flat out ask. "I havent received your RSVP and I need to get a head count, so I was just wondering if you'd be able to attend."

If they didn't accept or decline by the RSVP date, then THEY are the rude ones. For people needing precise headcounts, calling remiss guests is the only option.

Answer 9

After the date for the rsvp has passed by a few days, then it is perfectly acceptable to phone. You MUST know the final number of guests to give the caterer by a certain date. However, if you just want to plan for all those extra unknown responses and pay for the extra food 'just in case' everyone who hasn't responded will actually be coming, that would be fine as well - but that seems unnecessary....

Answer 10

If someone does not RSVP, they are actually putting you "on the spot". Now, as the host you have to guess whether or not someone is coming. Wedding invites tend to be send 6 weeks before the wedding. If a person can't decided in 6 weeks if they are coming to the wedding, then they are being rude.

I think it's fine to call them and ask. A few times I honestly forgot about the RSVP. I was so embarrassed when the hostess called me up to remind me.

Sometime people forget, remember that too. Sometimes people are just rude.

Call people. It's your money, you deserve to know if they are coming or not. Would you rather call them and find out they are coming, and have a place for them to sit and food. Or, not call them, have them show up. Then they have no where to sit and no food to eat.

Answer 11

Actually I think its pretty rude not to RSVP before the RSVP date and its actually putting the bride and groom on the spot because they have to call up people and remind them of the RSVP and get a response from them. They need a headcount for the reception/ceremony sites and the guests are not fulfilling their portion of the RSVP.