Is someone "spineless" capable of being a good parent? Or, can having a kid make a spineless person more bold?

Question

I have a guy friend who is very quiet, low self-esteem, always has a hard time meeting girls or getting good job offers as a result of it. He hates himself & never speaks up for things, in fear that it'll cause more harm than good. I can relate in many ways to this guy friend. Let's call him "A."

I told a mutual guy friend, "B," about times that A has been stepped on or has paid for other peoples' mistakes. E.g., the time the state screwed up his car registration & instead of disputing it for free, he paid all this money to get the screw-up corrected. He often does things like this b/c he feels that he doesn't have a choice or an option to stand up for himself, when he really does. I told B how I feel bad & feel frustrated for A a lot.

Anyway, "B" said "Wait until A has a kid...that'll probably be the thing that will get him to snap & become more assertive." Is this true? Also, do you think A's meekness/spinelessness will hinder him from being considered a "good" parent? Or...

Or does it not matter that A is spineless, b/c it'll probably all change when he has a dependent of his own to care for?

I'm starting to wonder if perhaps A's spinelessness is the reason why so many people act like he'd ruin his life if he had a kid right now, whereas they will go and praise other people that have less education/job stability than A. Perhaps it's not that A needs more money, college degrees, or tolerance/politeness, just that he needs to know how to put his foot down and in a more effective way? Let me know.

Thanks for the feedback, girls. LOL and trust me, I've spent countless amounts of time trying to help him, & telling him that only he can change himself. It's like beating a dead horse.

But furthermore...most importantly...if you don't think his spineless traits will change as a result of having a kid, do you think that his everlasting spinelessness deems him "inadequate" or "incapable" of raising a kid? Ideas? Thanks.

Answer 1

I don't think that having a child will change him in that respect. The only way he can change this aspect of his personality is to do it for himself.

Answer 2

Having a baby definitely changes you. But I think its rare that those kinds of traits get changed.


For example while I thought the movie Knocked Up was hilarious, its not a very accurate example of what often happens with unplanned & unwanted pregnancies especially from one night stands.

Answer 3

well, i was never one to stand up for myself. since my son was born, i have become a lot stronger. the way i see things, if i don't stand up for my child, who will? and part of protecting him is to protect myself. yeah i've still been a bit of a push over at times, but mostly in the last year i've really stood up. even at work, i've started to push at my supervisors/superintendant to get things made right that no one else wants to bother with anymore. so it might help him some, in the long run, but he still has to decide to do it and step up himself. he won't just change, he has to make an effort to do it. i've been working on it for almost 4 years