Is the person I met online too good to be true?????

Question

So a couple months ago I met someone on one of those free dating sites (plentyoffish.com). I had planned on moving back to my home town so I was checking out the area to try and meet some new faces. So I emailed this girl on the site and she responded. Within a week or so we're already talking on the phone. We are planning on meeting in a week when i get in to town. She's a beautiful woman that I feel is within my league, but you could call her a knockout. She's divorced, has a two year old daughter and takes care of a five bedroom home while working full time as a Nurse Practitioner and is currently getting her Master's Degree. She's very independant and for whatever reason, she's very much into me, so it seems. We don't talk all the time because she has a very productive life. I call often and get her voicemail but I usually get a call back. There isn't one particular thing that stands out but I have this feeling it's too good to be true...

She's sent me plenty of pictures, all very recent, taken during the time of our conversations. Now, she still logs into the dating site and I asked her about it and she said most of the time it's her friend logging into her account looking at profile pictures, etc. Her friend also logs onto her IM name and I talk to her briefly and she tells me how the girl I met is really into me and don't hurt her, etc. her friend is currently house sitting for her while she's in hawaii. Bottom line is that I want to believe this is all real and true, but I'm coming from a really bad relationship where I was cheated on, lied to and manipulated, so I'm a little paranoid and extremely cautious. I just wonder, should I have a heart to heart with this girl and tell her my concerns or should I just wait until we meet and see how it goes. I'd hate to blow it and never get to meet her by giving her the impression that I don't trust her or that I'm questioning her integrity.

Answer 1

Is someone you meet anywhere else too good to be true? There is only one way to find out. Date them. See what happens. If it works out, then great. If not, then try again like everyone else. But if your concern is the online thing, then all I can say is this: I've been married happily for almost seven years to someone I met online. It can happen, but there are never any guarantees. All you can do is try it out.

Answer 2

Nothing is ever as good as it seems. Plus, online dating is risky and doesn't have a great success rate from what I've seen.

That being said, it does work sometimes as I can attest to personally. I think that it also helps build stronger relationships because a couple gets to know each other on a intellectual level without physical expectations getting in the way of what's really important. If she's into you, it's most likely because she likes the person you project online (or phone, etc) and as long as you were always honest with her, she should be happy with the person she sees when you meet.

However, a woman that motivated and driven will need room to grow and succeed. Having a child is hard, especially that young. To work full time and go to school is ten times harder. You'll have to be sure you can handle her other obligations or it really might be too good to be true...for her and for you. The good side is, this sounds like a woman who is able to stand on her own two feet without help. If she's a knock out as well, then you're a pretty lucky guy. A woman with that many obligations and activities isn't usually out there to play games. They don't have the time or patience for it, most often. And her other obligations are probably the reason she resorted to going online to meet people instead of going the traditional route. You said she calls you back, so she puts you as a priority and doesn't blow you off. It's a good sign.

I say give it a chance. It's just a date, right? To see how things go? The worst that could happen is it doesn't work out and you each can go about your business elsewhere. If it does work, then great, proceed from there. If you don't even give it a shot, you might end up regretting it for a long time.

I also agree with the others where the child is concerned. Don't bring the child into it until you know if you and she are going to become a couple. It is important to make sure you both get along first before letting a child get attached to you in any way. Just take things slow and see each other for a while to see if you are each what you seemed online. Even the most honest people don't always know or realize enough of their faults to be specific enough before meeting some people. Then again, what is a fault to one person can be a strength to another and vice versa.

I also agree that you shouldn't look for perfection. As great as this woman sounds, no one is perfect and sooner or later, you will both find little imperfections about each other that will have to be worked through or accepted, which is true about any relationship, online or otherwise.

Give it a shot and take things slow. She'll probably respect you a lot more for it and you'll both be happier with the results.

Good luck on your date. :)


PS: Don't say anything to her yet. Meet her first and talk to her. And meet her friend that logs into her account if you can because you want to be sure that everything is on the up and up, but don't give her a reason to think you don't trust her. She might not take that too well. Date for a while first before going that far, if you feel you still have to. And try to have as few expectations as possible. Reduces disappointment.

Answer 3

If you are feeling wary of this woman and what has happened so far, stay wary if you decide to meet her. Take things slowly. Do *not* meet her child unless the relationship is about to become a permanent one for the child's sake. If she seems okay when you've met in person and gotten to know her face-to-face then you probably won't have any unknown surprises right off the bat.

I normally caution people to be careful with on-line conversations because either person can misrepresent themselves. Get to know her in the real world, and find out if she and her situation are what she represented them to be on-line. The way you describe her here makes her sound like an incredibly busy person. Assuming these details are accurate, then you may not get her full attention or prompt replies to her phone calls.

Remember what makes you wary about her (which I don't think you mentioned here), and walk away if your wariness becomes justified in person. If you find that the things about her that made you vaguely uneasy are groundless, date her. Away from her child.

Don't look for perfection and figure out what your reaction is based upon. As an example, many men don't wish to date a woman that has children already. Some men don't like or want children period. That's just an example of something that might make a guy concerned in spite of the woman being terrific otherwise.

Answer 4

If you've got a gut feeling you might be right. I've met people from sites like that (and am talking to a couple guys on that site now) and some are what they appear to be - others are not at all what I thought. Go into meeting her with an open mind - you may have found a good one - or you may have met someone that is playing the field. Just be careful.

Answer 5

If he's 5 years older then you and you are still in your teens (I'm guessing he is not) then as someone who doesn't even know you I am very concerned for your safety. The RIGHT thing to do would tell your parents that you are thinking of meeting him. Because the first thing that came to my mind were all the news stories I've seen about teens who meet an older guy from the net and then disappeared, got raped, or killed because he turned out to be a psycho and their parents never even knew she went out to meet this creep because she lied about where she was going. If you won't tell your parents then you need to tell a friend where you are going and what time you are meeting him for at least he first FEW times that you meet up. And even as important, you need to meet somewhere very public. And I highly suggest bringing a friend along as well.

Answer 6

i dont know about all that!... yes it does sound to good to be true... i dont believe it though... i believe you but i think if you guys are goin to hook up, it probably wont last only because of what she's doing with her life... she seems very busy... and she may be into you now... and for a while... but in the long run, will she have that time for you?... maybe she will... you should always have a good look on the bright side...

i say you should continue with your plan with this girl, whatever the plan may be... to hook up right?... well go get her and you must work real hard to keep her... because shes an independent woman... so watch your moves... good luck man!

Answer 7

Well, you can do a few things:

1) Trust her and start to build a relationship. Don't start to move in or start the wedding before you've been dating for at least 2 years. Trust me on this one.

2) Check her out. Pay the $20 to have a background check on her.

Answer 8

Don't talk yourself out of a good thing, if it feels right then go with it and see where it takes you.

One note of caution is her two year old daughter. Children from past relationships can be problematic, you might become the man of the house but you're not her father. And her ex ? -is he around? -is he jerk?

Life is an adventure, if you don't take a chance you might as well call it quits now.

Answer 9

It's not too good too bre true, but if you have your doubts, it's probably too good to be you!
If she has this much going for her and you believe that you have little going for you, she could still be interested. There are other things like your personality and kndness as one of the things she is looking for. You may be poor when it comes to cash, but wealthy when it comes to manners and charm. Remember that you can't put a price on a smile. Sometimes jus tbeing a cheerful person that can make someone laugh is good enough!
And More than most people expect from a relationship. So often little things like that get overlooked. But when you think about, it, they are worth their weight in gold. You may be bringing more to the table than you realize. My advice is to take a chill pill, relax, and give the relationship some time to grow. first enjoy the wave, don't be in such a hurry to see it crash on the shore. Life is all about the ride.
"Now You Know It, Because I Said It"


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Answer 10

There is that saying, "if it seems too good to be true..."
My friend met two different guys online, both had given her a picture of someone else. In the pics they seemed gorgeous, in person not. Go and meet her and find out if she's too good to be true or not. It is best to air on the side of caution and to guard your heart. Our hearts are so fragile!