Did I do the right thing by breaking up with my boyfriend?

Question

I lied a lot to my b/f T in the beginning of our 18 mth. relationship but I have never cheated on him. Around our 6th mth, an incident occured with me lying and he has called me horrible names, hurt me, etc. ever since. I neglected to tell him I let a boy lay his head on my leg and stroke my leg that night (it was a very awkward situation, I did NOT enjoy it) until the 11th month. I have not lied since the 11th month. Nothing has changed. My b/f is still horrible to me, I am retaliating in the same horrible manner, screaming at him, etc. because it hurts so bad. My ex A was my friend in the beginning of my relationship with T but I realized this was a pipedream because of T's behavior, so I never talked to A again. A called me yesterday, back from basic training, and he is leaving the country for almost 4 years. I may never see him again. Me and T basically broke up over this. Should I have tried longer to make amends with T and see if he was ever going to change? Or was I right?

Apparently, some people are not reading all the way through. I HAVE NOT LIED IN ALMOST 8 MONTHS. I DO NOT PLAN ON LYING EVER AGAIN. I HAVE TOLD MY BOYFRIEND EVERYTHING THERE IS TO KNOW. I'm sorry that some of you are perfect coughanswerman288cough and have never lied in your entire life, but some of us are human and make mistakes. I acknowledged these mistakes and have for a very long time. But after awhile, when is enough enough? How much abuse can one take before they realize that no matter how hard they try to make things right, they will never be right?

Answer 1

I think you did the right thing!!!!! Good for you for standing up for yourself!!!! You don't deserve to be called names and put down!!!! Find someone that loves you for you and treats you the way you should be treated!!!! Good luck!!!!

Answer 2

I believe you did the right thing. If you are in a relationship and you feel there is not enough confidence to share all the relevant information on how you feel then that is a bad sign from the beginning. Even though it was an 18 month relation, if all you ended up doing was screaming back at your boyfriend because he screamed at you and called you horrible names, it was bound to end. There is no point in salvaging or amending that kind of attitude, in the long run the problems would have appeared again and probably worsen. You did the right thing and remember, courage is the power to let go of the familiar.

Answer 3

This is a problem that is too deep to fix---you are focusing on everything except what really matters---you are a liar---and probably will always lie because you don't have the guts to be truthful. It is a character flaw. You need to forget these A and T people--work on what is wrong with you--close these doors before you open any new ones. Lying is disrespectful and it says you don't care about yourself or anyone in your life. You will never be trusted--you will never find anyone but a loser who won't treat you very nice. Honesty and respect and integrity are what decent guys are looking for. Servicemen going to a duty assignment do not need to go with emotional issues bugging them-- Is that what you are trying to do?? So nicely wish him luck and forget the drama with him---and this current mad man needs to get out of your life now !! You already screwed this up. This is something that you need to understand--this behavior is a control issue--lying down with other guys knowing that lying about it will put you in the spotlight and the center of attention--you must think life is a television show--it isn't. Men don't like two timers---grow up and stop this pitiful behavior. Stop lying. You lie and now you have the nerve to have the big hurt feelings--what an act. Knock it off and straighten up.

Answer 4

If u were tired of b'n the only 1 fightn for the relationship then...u were right. However...u did lie 2 him 4 the 1st yr of ur year n a 1/2 relationship. That's the majority. There's no trust! He feels like the entire time u all have been 2getha....u've been lying 2 him. So how is he to know...that during those last 6 mos u were b'n truthful n faithful to him? And if so...y? For all he knows wut u're telling him IS the truth could be anotha lie.
So wit this one, I would have 2 say u r right ONLY if u think u proved urself to be forthcoming, truthful, and trustworthy, (considering ur situation (above)) in the time from your 11th month to when u all broke up. If u feel like u proved urself and he was just b'n an a** then hey!...do u!... But if u feel like there's a little more fight in u, like there's something worth fighting for, then u were just acting out...proving to him that... u can't be trusted.

Answer 5

i think that you did the best thing ... lets get real man lie and it's OK! woman lie and its the end of the world for them its like were not allowed for some weird reason to tell a lie here and there... and if he treated you bad after you told him is because not only was he hurt and disappointed but just maybe he was doing a little dirt of his own. there could be so many reason as to why he was being an a** to you but none are good enough for him to treat in any wrong way. i think that no matter how f**ked up women are we should never let our self get mistreated by man...i hope that my answer helped in some way . GOOD LUCK!

P.S. remember that you deserve the best!

Answer 6

Because of what was happening in the relationship, I'd say you were about 75% right to break up with him. What i would have done was talk to him and tell him that you're sorry for lying to him, tell him what you neglected to say and let him know that you never cheated on him and that you didn't LIKE that some jacka** laid his hands on you. If you still love him, that is. Tell him that the reason you retaliate like that is becuz it hurts so much. Honesty will get you through it, because it's the honest truth he wants to hear.

Answer 7

I think you did the right thing by breaking up with him. Yea you are in fault for the lying part but he should of forgave you to some degree and shouldn't have treated you that way, i know he was mad but that wasn't right. Just move on and in your next relationship try not to lie as much, be as honest as possible. Good Luck

Answer 8

Although you were wrong to do what you did with A and to lie about it to T, T was wrong to use this as an excuse to be ongoingly abusive about it. I can understand T blowing up in anger and saying some things he regretted and then apologizing later. But it is not acceptable for someone to be ongoingly verbally and emotionally abusive. And now you're responding to T's abuse with abuse of your own. You're not in a healthy situation. I think you're best to be out of it.

Answer 9

You were most definitely right in breaking up with him. Any guy whether hes a dream guy hot, buys you things, ACTS nice at times etc. yet hurts you both physically and mentally is not worth your time. you should tell someone perhaps authorities and allow them to deal with it but other than that all you can do is keep your space from him.

Answer 10

You sound about as mature as a 12 year old. I am suprised you got any guy to give you the time of day One thing i cant tolerate is a liar. He might be a flaming jack-Axx but you are a liar. you two are made for each other

Answer 11

You lied to him, even a small lie is a lie no matter how you try to justify it in your mind. Your realtionship was doomed from the first lie. I hope you will learn for your next relationship, forget him and let him be, at the very least be his friend.