How do you forgive someone that keeps hurting you every time you give them another chance?

Question

Please don't say accept Jesus as my savior...I want real answers on how to go about this. Speak from YOUR experience only. Thanks

Answer 1

insanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results

Answer 2

I was where you were , more than one time in my life- and through all these experiences I have learned that forgiveness, does not necessarily mean a continued relationship. I had a so called friend- that hurt me terribly just a little over a year ago- and I was willing to continue to the relationship- and then less than a month later she did the same thing to me- I did forgive her, I have told her that, and I mean it with all of my heart- because my Jesus forgives me, but I have moved on- In the past year, I have emailed her , and she has chosen not to respond- As a Christian, I must say this- there is no where in the Bible that it says, to forgive someone you have to trust them. Forgiveness is given, trust is earned. If a person continually hurts you forgive them as Jesus did- however that does not mean you have to be close to them- is this a spouse? Then I would suggest counseling- because marriage is the most important relationship in the world, next to your relationship with God.

Answer 3

Twinsma, Let me first say, when you forgive, also pray for the person. Also you can forgive someone and then try not to be in the same position again. Put up a boundary and work with them through the problem. It really depends on the problem you are forgiving them. You say not to say accept Jesus, but without Him we do not have the power to fully forgive. It is very hard to continually forgive and then get hurt again, so I would also encourage you to find "friends" of the same beliefs in whom you can pray with about the situation.

Answer 4

This a very difficult subject and touches me personally. Without knowing your age or how this person is related to you it is kind of hard to answer. My husband hurt me very deeply three times in our marriage. I've been able to recover from the first two times, but I'm having a little more difficulty moving on from this last time. I KNOW that I must forgive if I am to be forgiven in the end. but that doesn't make it any easier. I guess it depends who and how this person keeps hurting you and how long and why you want to continue to allow this person to do this. You are in control not this person. I really can't say much more without more specifics. I just know that you must forgive, but whether you continue to allow this person to do this again is up to you. Have you considered some kind of professional therapy?
Good Luck.

Answer 5

Honestly, you have to stop allowing them to hurt you. Especially if this is your signifigant other doing the hurting. If they know that they can get away with hurting you by apologizing each time as you forgive and take them back or trust them again, they often will never stop this cycle of hurt apologize, make-up and hurt again. Please distance yourself from this person if you can. It will be better for this person, in the long run, to learn that it is unacceptable to treat a person this way and that there are consequences and loss because of what they did. I hope this helps. I have experience as both the giver and reciever of this type of behavior.

Answer 6

There are currently three family members in my life right now that have problems with control. They think that they should control my life. I have to have very strong boundaries with them. I also have to practice tough love with them. Their behavior can be very hurtful if I allow it to. I used to get hurt all the time by them.

The following is what I have learned about forgiveness. I imagined them locked in a cage in my mind because of the wrong they have done to me. This was my way of punishing them. I learned that this wasn't affecting them, only me. I was angry repeatedly for the same thing over and over again. I would repeat the offense and talk about it over and over again. Forgiving them for me was unlocking the cage and letting them go free still knowing what harm they could cause. Because of my knowing the harm they could cause, I had to set strong boundaries. For example one of these people is a compulsive liar. I no longer take them at their word. I check out what they are saying if it is possible. If it is not possible, I just wait and see what happens without any expectations that they may be telling me the truth. I realize I can not trust them. I plan my life around the fact that I shouldn't trust them because they are not trustworthy. These are people I want in my life but I can't have them in certain places in my life if I do not want the pain of their problems to affect me.

I am no longer in denial and keep my distance when it is necessary. I don't fantasize about having a close relationship with them. I have found other people to be close to. People who can be trusted and that do not want to control. Another thing I do when it comes to forgiveness it to try to love them anyway. That is hard but I found that the following is like a meter for me.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, boastful, proud, rude or irritable. Love does not demand its own way and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice and rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and
endures through every circumstance.

Although love never keeps records of when it has been wronged, I keep a journal which includes the pain I have been caused because I don't want to be a doormat. Someone once said if you hurt me once shame on you but if you hurt me twice shame on me.

Best wishes to you.

Answer 7

No one ever said you HAVE to forgive someone. Forgiveness is virtuous, however not always appropriate. All you ever have to be is nice.

Think of the wife-beater: He hits her, he says he's sorry, she thinks she deserved it, she feels obligated to forgive thinking she can change him. He hits her, he says he's sorry, she thinks she deserved it, she feels obligated to forgive thinking she can change him. And so on, and so on, etc. etc. etc. until he either kills her spirit or kills her body.

If this were your friend, your mother, your sister you'd say, "Get the hell out of the situation!" And you'd ALSO say that forgiveness isn't completely appropriate here.

What is appropriate, however, is coming to peace with what's happened to you, that you may not have been deserving of whatever it is that upsets you, accepting that you don't like it, that you are worthy of giving and receiving love and kindness then making efforts to move into a situation where you're getting those things. That is where you'll find real peace.

The caveat is that if you CONTINUE to expose yourself to the abuse, you have no right to complain.

Best of luck.

Answer 8

I had this issue with my parents, mostly with my mother! I learned from trial and error that once I did forgive and forget, or tried to....that she would repeat what she did 3xs more painful things to me.
What I did was I wrote my parents a letter, expressing my anger, hurt and resentment to them. Explained my bounderies and what I can and can't tolerate. I sent it through an email and waited. Of course she called me crying and angry. Telling me that I am selfish and cold hearted, etc. But honestly, there is so much a person can take emotionally. I let her live through her sadness alone. I don't want that burden, I don't own her feelings.
She still pushed months after, and I stopped her. I said your behavior hasn't changed so, therefore you are not allowed to visit, call me and whine and violate my happiness.
Well, today she has changed herself around (I don't know how much but, when she talks to me she is a different person.)
Bottom line is, set your bounderies up so people won't hurt you. Teach people how to treat you!! It is sadly, the only way to prevent people from repeatidly abuse you!

Answer 9

the issue is really this...
does the past predict the future
do you believe this to be true its likely that you have some element of a self fulfulling prophecy going on.
you dont have to give another chance etc. Theres no evidence that the past is really erased in the minds of the people that say lets start over.
you forgive if thats important, I usually say let go of the negative attachments

Answer 10

Stop giving them a chance, if you keep getting hurt, why do you keep giving them a chance. Don't you deserve better than that. Isn't your happiness more important than forgiveness. Don't you deserve to feel good, you don't deserve to be hurt!!! I hope you know that. Good luck.

It hurts to say good bye, but it hurts even more to have someone you care about treat you like you don't deserve to be treated!

Answer 11

You don't keep forgiving them. You simply move on with your life. Not only are they hurting you, they are damaging your life and mind.
What if you were a child and you were abused over and over again by your parents for years. What, do you just keep forgiving them and stay in their house? No, you get out and move on with your life.
This kind of mindset is, unfortunately, is a big part of battered or abused wives/women. They just keep forgiving their abuser, and nothing changes.
Move on with your life kiddo.