This guy at work (who I considered to be quite a good friend) has invited practically everyone at work (including my boyfriend) to his wedding except me! It’s very weird as my team, and in fact everyone on my floor, is going.
I asked the guy where my invitation was and he just said “Sorry I can’t invite everyone”. Yet he has invited people he hardly knows.
I work with my boyfriend and he really wants to go but says he will pull out on principle if I want him to.
Is it selfish of me to stop my boyfriend going? We had planned to spend that weekend together.
2007-07-11 04:20:54 · 24 answers · asked by Rosie 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Since you asked this in Etiquette, I'll stick to that perspective.
First, the guy who invited everyone at work (including your boyfriend) to his wedding but deliberately excluded you is a rude boorish lout who wouldn't understand basic manners if they bit him in the face! He's the one with the etiquette problem. Even if he (or perhaps his future wife) has a problem with you, it is just plain rude to invite most of the people at the work and exclude you!
I had a colleague get married recently and I wasn't invited to her wedding...but she didn't invite everyone...it was a small wedding and she invited only a few long-term colleagues that she also socialized with outside of work. The rest of us understood when she let us know individually that the wedding was being held in a small place (her living room!)...made sense that she "couldn't invite everyone"!
One thing I did think of was that, given the cost of invitations, he might have thought the boyfriend's invitation covered you ("Boyfriend's Name and Guest")...but if so, then his "Sorry, I can't invite everyone" remark doesn't make sense (unless perhaps you were confrontational when you asked about your invitation...could be a defensive "knee-jerk" response).
Is it selfish to stop your boyfriend from going? Of course it is...being "selfish" involves putting your own interests first and if he wants to go, then it would, by definition, be selfish to ask him not to go.
HOWEVER, selfish isn't necessarily the bad thing that people make it out to be. It can be when it is carried to the extreme of harming others to get what you want; but I believe that a certain level of selfishness is healthy! The person best qualified to look after you is YOU...if you don't do it, who will?
I like that your boyfriend was willing to not go if you asked it of him. That shows character. Now you need to decide how important it is to you. If you would be truly hurt or feel like he (your bf) was disrespecting you by attending, tell him how you feel and let him make his own decision.
...as for the "principle" of it...if you're thinking that his not attending would have some impact or make some statement that affects the jerk that didn't invite you, having your bf stay home won't do that. A much better strategy would be for him to show up at the wedding bearing a gift from him AND another gift from you...then he can strategically arrange to leave the reception early and apologize to the groom (hummm, I originally typed "goon"...freudian slip? :)) for leaving early because he needed to meet you. Even the lowest person would feel guilty when he realized that someone he deliberately slighted still cared enough to send a gift!
Of course, if your bf's invitation says "and guest" and you have the personality for it, you can always show up as his guest and have a great time on the other guy's money! As the saying goes, "living well is the best revenge"...go to the wedding, drink champagne, and have a great time...you can even thank the groom for inviting you and, as I mentioned above, take him a nice gift to really rub it in!
2007-07-11 05:04:50 · answer #1 · answered by KAL 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Does you boyfriend invitation say that he can take a guest. Bu then again would you want to go, if its obvious you are not invited. He could have said, i thought you would be coming with your boyfriend so didn't think you needed one but he didn't, so it seems like he doesn't want you there for some reason
You could tell this guy that you are not bothered that he hasn't invited you but say that its caused a problem with inviting your boyfriend and not you. Ask him if he has a problem with you. He must have known it would cause problems.
2007-07-11 15:15:47 · answer #2 · answered by madusa666 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it is not selfish. I would say your boyfriend should not want to go without you. The invite should have been sent to either you or your boyfriend and said "and guest".
The exception here is this: is there some kind of history between yourself, your boyfriend, the bride , the groom, or other invitees that would exclude from this? Because it seems real strange that you would be excluded. I assume you socialized with these folks outside of work.
2007-07-11 11:48:12 · answer #3 · answered by mpasnick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think ur selfish at all but try not to take it out on ur bf, he is being good about it! Let him say he's not gonna go and have the weekend together.
There has to be a reason behind it though, coz he cud have always not invited u both to the sit down and then both to ceremony and evening, then he's not got any excuse for not having seats etc!
Perhaps secretly he likes u and maybe if his wife to be knows either one or both has decided u shouldn't!
2007-07-11 11:32:42 · answer #4 · answered by feelinfruity 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is very weird, I'm guessing the guy has some kind of problem with you, but I can't see what. I'm sure other people will be thinking the same. I don't think it would be selfish to ask your boyfriend not to go, but if they are good friends maybe you should tell him he can go if he really wants to.
2007-07-11 11:31:19 · answer #5 · answered by Freya 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Clearly you have upset this man in some way - by inviting your boyfriend he is actively not inviting you. I think it would be unfair of your boyfriend to support this guy in leaving you out. Go away with your chap and have a lovely weekend and don't worry about it.
2007-07-11 11:56:17 · answer #6 · answered by LillyB 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why would your boyfriend want to go without you anyway? If someone invited me and not my girlfriend to a wedding I wouldn't want to be there on my own. I would let your boyfriend decide and then be pissed off if he did go without you. At least then you can tell how much your boyfriend likes you.....God, I'm starting to sound like a woman in my thought process now.
2007-07-11 11:35:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not selfish at all for you to stop him from going, because if you think it's unfair that you weren't invited to the wedding and he was, that's your opinion that he should respect. If you tell him that you don't want him to go, then if he really cares about you the way you thought, he won't go. But if he argues with you that he wants to go regardless if you're invited or not, then that obviously makes him the selfish one, don't you think?
2007-07-11 11:32:00 · answer #8 · answered by thikksexychocolate 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats really odd if he is a close friend and invited your bf and not you. Cant your bf take someone cause usually wedding invites say to whoever and partner or whoever and guest. Maybe your friends wife doesnt want you there or something. Let your bf make his own mind up weater he wants to go or not. If he has any sence he wont go.
2007-07-11 11:31:35 · answer #9 · answered by HeatherzFeatherz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course your boyfriend shouldn't go, whether or not you planned to do something that weekend. I don't know how long you have been with your boyfriend, but one is not supposed to invite half of an 'established' couple. Your boyfriend should suppport you by sending his regrets. Unless you have only been dating for a very short time, of course.
2007-07-11 12:09:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋