2007-07-11 04:06:01 · 38 answers · asked by princessshybug 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Well.. that is a tough position to be in, especially if you and your brother are close. The worst part is that typically a wedding is a wedding, but is also thought of as "the brides wedding." With that being said, I am in a wedding this summer where the bride does not have the grooms sister in her wedding. Personally, my feelings would be hurt just like yours.
I guess a good way to think about this is this way: if your brother is having her brother/uncle/cousin stand up in the wedding on his behalf, you should be allowed in too. However, even if you feel slighted by the bride you have to keep in mind that YOU are not marrying her. perhaps the girls she has standing up have been with her through hard times in her life? maybe they wanted to limit the number of bridesmaids and groomsmen?
Try not to let it get you down, your brother may not even realize you're upset about it. If it really bothers you, you could try and tell your brother that it hurts your feelings. A nice compromise might be that you would give a speech or a reading of good will toward the couple. That can be a very meaninful part of a wedding ceremony without actually fulfilling the role as bridesmaid.
good luck to you, and i'm sure things will work out!
2007-07-11 04:13:04 · answer #1 · answered by OhioFantastic 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's necessarily rude so much as thoughtless. What's her reasoning behind the decision? Are they having a large or small wedding party? My bro was once engaged to a woman who didn't want me in the wedding. The reason was she had 4 sis and 1 bro and her sis (1 was adult the others teen and under) and mom could not afford dresses, etc. so "none of her sis" were going to be in wedding. This included me. My mom took her out to b-fast to talk and said u have 4 sis and a bro all he has is 1 sis and she will be in wedding. If ur fam can't afford it that's fine but u won't cut out his sis. Things didn't work out and the woman my bro did marry made sure to include me when she picked 4 people to stand up. Good luck
btw my hubby has 4 sis and when we got engaged (6 mo. dating ann.) I was close to 1, 1 I met a few times, 1 I met like 1 or 2 times at parties and the other I'd never met. So when I originally picked my bm's I only chose the 1 I was close with. (he's the youngest of 6 and 4 are old enough to be his 'rents). He picked another sis to stand w/his bro since my friends were 1/2 his bro's age. 1 sis ended up not being in the wedding and was replaced by another and the last did the cake. We found ways to involve fam. members who did not stand up. 2 nephews were ushers, 2 nieces made sure all attendants (esp. kids) started down at the right time, etc.
2007-07-11 04:30:24 · answer #2 · answered by blue eyes 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you aren't close w her, usually your future sister in law won't have you in the wedding, it may be a money issue and they are trying to keep the wedding party smaller.. You can ask yourself if you would have her in your wedding? I would say try and help your brother our as much as possible w his portion of things and that way you will feel actively involved w the wedding, and don't let it get to you, just be happy that your brother found someone he loves and wants to be w/. I personally am not having my brother's sister in the wedding, not because i don't like her, i love her.. but because i am only having two ppl as my bridesmaids, but she is helping me out and her brother w certain things.
2007-07-11 04:12:57 · answer #3 · answered by happily married ( : 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know your relationship with your brother, if you are close or not. I did not ask my fiance's sister to be in my bridal party because I have three very close childhood friends and I could not choose a maid of honor from among them so I only have the three bridesmaids so they are honored equally. If my fiance had asked me to include his sister I would have tried to work something out.... but maybe she has a reason for not choosing you. Size of the wedding or something.... otherwise I think it would be most polite if she included you in some way.
2007-07-11 05:30:04 · answer #4 · answered by etainbutterfly 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's always gracious to ask soon-to-be-siblings-in-law to be part of the wedding party, but it is in no way required. She picks her own bridesmaids.
Of course, your brother could always be slightly non-traditional and ask you to stand up for him, or they may have another role in mind for you, such as a reading.
If neither asks you to do anything, it's still not rude of them, though I would certainly understand you being disappointed.
How do you not let it get to you? You focus on the positive. You find ways to be helpful unofficially. You concentrate on the fact your brother has found someone he loves and do your best to support them.
But if you need a good cry first, go right ahead. Just don't rain on their parade.
2007-07-11 04:30:58 · answer #5 · answered by gileswench 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, it's not rude and you need to get over it. What's wrong with you anyway?. This is not YOUR wedding. You are not her girlfriend. You are not her sister. Why should you be picked over a sister or a good friend who has been there for her for years. When you have your wedding, you can pick whoever you want to stand up. This is her wedding and she gets to pick, just like your brother gets to pick which men he wants. So, grow up and quit acting like a 10 year old brat!
2007-07-11 04:46:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
You need to stop and think, it's not only your brother's wedding but hers too and he picks who he wants on his side and she picks who she wants on her side. There's not a lot you can do, unless you and the bride to be are really close friends then maybe you can be hurt. One of my nieces recently got married and she has 6 sisters and only had 5 of them in her wedding. The fifth helped watch the guest book. Maybe offer to help in a small way, like he guest book or at the reception.
2007-07-11 04:17:07 · answer #7 · answered by Kitikat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What matters most is WHY doesn't she want you in her wedding?
Is it because you two don't get along?
Or is it because she has too many friends that she wants to be in it, that there just isn't room for any more.
It is her wedding. And his wedding. Not your wedding.
So the rule usually goes:
The bride-to-be chooses her bridesmaids and maid(matron) of honor.
The groom-to-be chooses his best man and ushers.
I really don't think the problem is you not being in the wedding, I really think the problem lies with, the reason "why" she doesn't want you in the wedding.
2007-07-11 04:19:52 · answer #8 · answered by MommaBear 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If the two of you aren't very close, or she has people who are closer to her, she probably wants them in her wedding party instead. I didn't have any bridesmaids so people do it all different ways. Does she not want you in the wedding period or just not as a member of the bridal party? Is there another job you could do to help out? Is she just a cranky thing that doesn't want you in her special day? Forget her then, tell your brother you are hurt that you can't be a part of HIS wedding ceremony and see if he can talk some sense into his future bride, if he can't - forget them then, get them a crappy gift, and treat yourself to something nicer. Look out for number one.
2007-07-11 04:16:44 · answer #9 · answered by Emmy F 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Bride's day- bride's way. It is her day to shine, so you have to do what she wants to make her happy. She deserves it. She has probably been planning this wedding since she was a little girl, and has had the bridesmaids lined up for that long. She had no idea who she would be marrying and that he was going to have a sister who wanted to be a bridesmaid, so give the poor girl a break. She has enough on her mind, without people expecting her to be psychic.
Just help them as much as they want you to, to make their special day happy. It is the happiest day they will ever have in their whole entire lives, whereas you, still have a lot to look forward to.
2007-07-11 04:23:59 · answer #10 · answered by danashelchan 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋