Why are women always primary caregivers for children?

Question

I read a lot of posts here about people who are angry with women who put their children in daycare to return to work. I want to ask these people why they are never critical of the fathers of these children. Why are the mothers always responsible to provide care for children. Do fathers not love their children? How come noone asks the question, how can dads put their children in daycare? You do realize that a lot of kids in daycare come from families that have a dad and a mom. Maybe you need to spread the blame around a little. Also, I have worked just as hard at school and work as my husband. Why is it that if I choose to go back to work I am a ***** and my husband continuing to work after the baby is born is looked upon as a the glorious provider? Can we please move into the 21st century. Just FYI, before you guys start shrieking at me, my baby will have its grandparents caring for it for the first year and then it will go to daycare after that.

Well, I want to disagree with the guys here. My husband is looking forward to changing nappies and giving baths. My dad did the same for me and I grew up in a household where my parents both worked and raised the kids together. Let me tell you guys something. You are missing out on the best part of parenting. I have no issues with the nurturing tasks of parenting. I'm just grateful that I have a husband who also has the same nurturing feeling for our coming baby and I feel that there is undue pressure on women to feel like they are the sole nurturers or caregivers. There are plenty of men out there who take care of their children and if you are a father that does not / cannot feel this desire to take care of your child and change your share of diapers and give baths than in my mind you are just a provider, not a real father.

Answer 1

I agree with you. The answers I have read are quite disturbing and I am glad some of you are not my husbands or female friends (no offense meant). I often wonder how people can say "well women are more nurturing" or "well women care for the child the whole 9 months" Think of it this way. Do women impregnate themselves? (yes i know some do :) ). OK so a Woman and Man are together and she gets pregnant. She did not do it by herself so why would she have to take care of it herself. Yes a baby grows inside of a woman for almost 10months but 50% of that is from a mans sperm. Women were never meant to care for a child by themselves. If this were true they would not need sperm to create a child. Men need to step up to the plate. Society NOT biology has taught men that they don't need to show emotion or be nurturing. There are plently of women that are NOT nurturing and plently of men that are. It is not biology, sorry everyone.

Answer 2

The mothers are primary caregivers simply because it's what comes naturally and what mom wouldn't love to stay home with their child? If the mom is breastfeeding right there is a key reason as to why she is the primary care giver. Moms have the natural mothering nurturing instinct. My husband is excellent with my son. He is an awesome dad, probably the best I'd say :) but I am partial to my husband. Some women have to go back to work in order to help support the family or sometimes they are even the primary income and the father stays home with the kids. But traditional roles have been (whether right or wrong) the father brings home the bacon and the mother cares for the young. It is more modern now and moms can be the ones who support the household, but it's justs not as common. I think it is wrong to look down on a mother who has to work in order for her family to make ends meet, but if she doesn't absolutely have to work I do think it's a bit selfish to put their child in daycare while they work. If it's not needed there's nothing wrong with caring for your baby for the first 6-12 months and then going back to work. I think the ideal caregiver is the mother. That is what the baby knows best from the day of conception. And who ever said that a stay at home mom doesn't work?? Raising children is more work than a lot give credit for! But more power to moms who must work to help support their families! Either way is fine to me, but I prefer and am able to stay home with my son.

Answer 3

For hundreds of thousands of years, the men went out hunting, and the women stayed near camp gathering roots and berries, and watching the kids.

Then for about the last 10,000 years, the men went out in the fields and plowed, hoed, and harvested, while the women ran the house and watched the kids.

It's only been in the last 100 years that the majority of women could work outside the home. So it's not too surprising that all of our institutions, and even our biology is set up to have the women being the primary caregivers.

Even today, consider how many people regard men who stay home to watch the kids while their wives work and "bring home the bacon". The phrase, "not a real man", comes to mind. Perhaps that's unfair and even prejudiced, but for now, that's the way it is.

For what it's worth, my kid went to day care. She's 12 now, fairly well adjusted, doing well in school and we have a very close parent-child bond.

Answer 4

Granted it takes two to tango, once the deed it done the woman is the one who carried the child through birth, and in the end untimately she is the one "stuck" with the end result (a child) therefor, it is only natural for many people to instinctively think that because she was the primary caregiver from the start, that that's the way it should and will remain

Answer 5

The bottom line is, regardless of sexism and gender issues, is that women ARE the primary caregivers of children. It's not a 'why' issue anymore than it's a why issue for any other animal in the Animal Kingdom. Mothers care for the young, it's been that way for hundreds of thousands of years. Why is it people, women particularly, want to change that many years of evolution just because 'it's the 21st century.'

I'm not saying men are not responsible for anything, they damn well are. They are responsible for caring for the household and basically doing what the wife requires him to do, lol. But in terms of physical caring, the woman is almost always the one to do it, partly because of instinct and partly because they're just better at it. My mother raised me. My father never bathed me or anything like that. That's not the way it was. He provided for us, he taught us things, but he didn't nurture us. I'll be the same way if I have kids. I'll hold them and kiss them, but I will not be the primary caregiver. If any 'wife' can't deal with that then there won't be a relationship, simple as that.

Get over your 'can we move into the 21st century.' Evolution doesn't work like that. Society doesn't work like that. Life doesn't work like that. And you're in no position to complain because it's not the grandparents responsibility to care for them. Nor should a child go into a day care at 1! Perhaps you should just forego having children now if you care so much to have a career.

Answer 6

I agree that Dad's could be stay at home Dads. I personally don't have a problem with somebody who works and uses day care. However I would like to point out that as a Mom who chose to stay at home, I get insulted just as much. I've been told I'm wasting my college degree, I've been referred to as lazy, and some people upon meeting stay at home Mom's automatically assume we are uneducated, poor and ignorant. It goes both ways. I think everybody should just let this issue go and recognize that no one way of parenting works for everybody, most parents do what they feel is best for their children.

Answer 7

I totally disagree with the whole 'evolution theory'...really the human race did not develop genetic roles within the last 10,000 years. One cant use that as an excuse for cheating, not helping out...etc...
I honestly don't think I would have children with someone who didn't want to take an active part in their lives. Not because I don't want to do it all myself, but it is hurtful to have a father who takes little interest in your day to day life as a kid, and I really do think (from personal experience), this doesn't serve the child well later in life.
I really do want to 'do it all', have a career and still be a great mom - but I know I won't be able to do this without an equally busy and supportive partner. And remember, no one knows your situation better than you, so ignore the idiots, do your share of the housework, and love your kids.

Answer 8

MOM is MOM, there is just no other substitute for MOM, alot of times men are able to walk away from a child, and are content to pay child support. boys muture much later than girls, men don't usually grow up until their 30's, girls, even at the tender young ages are programed to be mothers,this is why they muture much faster then boys. think about how often you see a little boy holding a baby doll.(never)men are suppose to support their family. how ever, times have changed, because men can and often times do, leave a mother to provide for his children she must work to make ends meat.there is nothing wrong with women working( I work to) just not full time, and only in the summers. and it helps with family vacations. i have 3 boys that are 12,8,6.

Answer 9

depends on the state your in. In Texas(and most states), it is what is in the best interest of the child. In Texas the rule is that joint custody is assumed unless one of the parents is dead or there is some other compelling reason not to have joint. So that part of your answer would be C. However, the mothers typically get what is call primary custody over the fathers, meaning they have the child more often. And, that goes to answer B.

Answer 10

amen sister.
Your life-your choices.
I am so sick of the critical people on here who know NOTHING about someone elses life yet to out it down
I am a single mom and have no choice but to work
My daughter went to daycare since birth-she is fine-smart- no problems yet I see kids with 2 parent households whose kids are so so bad but I am the wrong one.
You can have a family and a career and good for you for having a great husband as well.