Bad breakup?

Question

My boyfriend cheated on me about a year ago and I forgave him. As hard as it was, I thought it wasn't worth us being apart. So I've been trying to heal. Everyday he told me he loves me and that I was beautiful and that he was lucky to have me. Just the other night I found an email that said he can't stop thinking about another girl. Since the last year has been such a rollercoaster of emotions because he cheated I decided at that moment that I couldn't take it anymore. The worrying, the jealousy. I deserve better, so I broke up with him. It's so hard to let go of someone you love even if they hurt you over and over. I'm sure someone out there has been in my shoes before. Today and yesterday are pretty bad days. I can't stop crying. When does it get better?

I broke up with him 2 days ago. We haven't spoken in those 2 days. I'm done with this relationship but I've never let go of someone that I still love. It's harder than being dumped, I think because I'm the one who made the decision and there are moments where I second guess myself. Is that normal?

Answer 1

I am in your shoes now. It is very hard and i do not believe you truly ever get over it. You do learn to live and cope with it and you will be able to move on eventually. I have been separated from my ex for 2 years now and i have to see him all the time cause we have a child. used to long to hold him and missed him something terrible. Now when I see him i am usually happy but now I know that I do not want to be with him and I am able to move forward. He will be someone that crosses your mind every once in a while but once you find that special guy you will soon forget him.

Answer 2

Hi...I'm so sorry about your breakup...I know it's hard...been there...done that. The first week is the hardest but eventually it does get better...believe me. Right now your heart is broke and scarred because of what your bf had done. You are thinking to yourself why? Why did he tell me those wonderful things if he didn't mean them? Why did he lie? Why did I forgive him a yr ago? Am I stupid or what? All of these things and more you are asking yourself...right? It's only normal. You are going to dwell on all of these things and you might even blame yourself. Don't! You do deserve better but your heart is still with him at the present time and this is natural since you have been with him for so long. Sometimes what helps in situations like these is to sit down on your bed or chair and take a pen and paper and jot down all the pro's and con's about your relationship. After you have written each of them down in two columns, compare the two sides. Which one weighs out the other. If the con side out weighs the pro side then think to yourself...I can do a lot better than him or what was I thinking? Now if the Pro side out weighs the con side then you need to rethink about the relationship and say to yourself if this relationship is worth being rectified, if the both of you can solve your issues and regain the trust that was lost. I'm not saying this is going to solve anything but it does help seeing it on paper. When a person actually can see something such as issues or problems then they can understand on the question why. I'm not going to convince you that this will make you feel better but it will help you reason with yourself. The crying is a part of the healing process and with the crying comes the depression. Make yourself get busy with something, whether it's a hobby or reading or listening to music (not the sad songs) or painting or getting out with friends and family. You might have to force yourself in doing something but you need to get your mind off of your bf. Don't dwell on the "what if's". Take a nice hot shower, get dressed, go out for a walk or plant some flowers but get out of the house and start thinking "happy thoughts". Take care and I wish you well. Try to have a good day!

Answer 3

Time, understanding, and strength.

Just remember all the women out there that are in mentally and physically abusive relationships that just take it day after day because the become emotionally dependent ( "they don't want to be alone"). The bottom line is that if they are willing to take it, they enable the situation and that makes them just as guilty as the jerk they are with. Emotional dependence is like being a drug addict; you know it's wrong but you don't have the strength to stop.

It's important for you to be single for a while. You need to learn that you can do it. You need to know that you can be strong and independent. If you jump into another relationship, it probably won't be long before you become emotionally dependent again and he starts taking advantage of you as well.

If you understand what is at work here, learn from it, and build up your emotional strength, you'll never be vulnerable again.

I'm sure you won't be single for long. And it'll be a lot better next time.

Answer 4

I dated a guy for two years and he broke up with me for someone else. Then, I found out later he had been cheating on me. It was a double slap in the face. They are currently engaged, and I felt like I didn't matter to him at all.

What did I do to get through it? I had to divorce everything about him from my life. I was really close with his family (especially his two sisters) and I had to stop talking to them. I had to be done with everything about him. And that worked. Then, I started pursuing my own interests. I spent more time with my friends (girl time can be a great healer, I swear).

You said that it's hard to let go of someone you love even when they hurt you. Love doesn't make someone feel what you feel, and love doesn't do the things he did. You may have loved him, as I'm sure you did, but unfortunately his "love" wasn't as sincere as yours. You deserve someone who can truly ♥love♥ you the way you can love.

It will take a while to feel better, but you will be much better off in the long run, rather than spending your time with someone who isn't trustworthy and who doesn't treat you with respect. Spend time with your friends, do things you enjoy, and slowly, things will get better. I promise. :)

Answer 5

You know I'm so sorry to hear you're going thru all of this. I'm not in the same exact predicament ur in, but close. And it hurts so bad, and you just wish u could erase ur mind from thoughts of him. I understand where you're coming from. I really wish there was an answer to your question, but I think you will find that with time you will get better and better. I know it sounds unreal, and even scary, but you just have to give yourself time. Cry, even if ppl tell you not to. Let your feelings out. Its the best thing you can do. Distract yourself from your thoughts of him. Spend lots of time with your family (they will always be on your side and give you a shoulder to cry on).

Girl, thinking about these things make me want to cry with u. Again sorry you had to go thru this.
Good luck girl, and keep your head up. Believe me women deserve better and when youre over this you will say, "WHAT THE F*** WAS I THINKING!??!!?"

-djc

Answer 6

It gets better when you make it get better. I know it hurts to find out he was cheating and to let someone you love go, but think to yourself would you rather be with him knowing that hes cheating on you or would you rather find someone out there that is going to treat you like a queen?

I would be hurting too and yes I have been in your shoes but you know what I knew it was for the better since I did not want to be with someone I could not trust, because isn't any relationship with anyone about trust? Friends Family Boyfriend Girlfriend Husband Wife Co-workers anything. Its all based around trust if you cant trust someone then dont be around them simple as that. Let time heal your wounds and dont worry about it since there is somenoe out there better for you

Answer 7

I have gone through a similar situation recently, a month and a half ago. It does get better actually but you have to commit to NO CONTACT with him. I made the mistake a week and a half ago of meeting my ex for a beer and it put me back at square one and realized I had to just cut off all contact. Stay with a good girlfriend and drink wine and go out to dinner, do something weird like get your palm read, you'll heal you've just got to love what you've got and realize you are letting go of someone that only disrespected you. One thing that helped me is everytime I wanted to say something to her I wrote it down in a notebook. Good luck!

Answer 8

People say time heals everything but i don't now when it will end for me. I still have lot to forget about the past before moving on ahead. Life isn't easy when you have always loved,cared for people who broke your heart. If you know the song "best i ever had " , you will probably know how i feel right now .

I hope things get better , you find a wonderful person and move on with your life.

Answer 9

When you have been in a relationship with someone for a long time and love them dearly, it is hard to let go of them, even after being hurt again and again. You want to believe they are true and sincere so you give them another chance. I've been there and I am very glad to say, I am out of that situation and I feel like a new person. It took me a VERY long time to get over him but I did it! Thanks to my family and friends!

Answer 10

women have to be strong, this is a lesson u have to learn, on the bright side u have time to go clubbing and may be meet some one who wont cheat the best way is to get away for a few days how about going to scotland and do your self a tour or visit distant relatives, get your head cleared and then you could start over again focus on work and get up to things you couldnt with him, life aint over trust me i was in that situation, just dont go down the drain cos of a man