I feel so deep down sad......someone please help!?

Question

I lost a very close family member last year in a motorbike crash & since then I just haven't been able to get myself back up again.
Everything seemed to be looking up for me this time last year. Now all I have is this deep down sadness that just won't go away. I try really hard to be happy, but it's just not happening. I'm also now 52 (this year) & think I'm maybe coming up to the menopause. The only symptoms I've had is that my period isn't regular.....like 3 times in the past 10 months.

Some days - no! most days, I feel I just can't be bothered with anything, I don't want to do any housework, whereas before I normally got it done, I don't want to be bothered with anyone, some days I don't even want to see my grandchildren. I love them, but it all just seems like too much to cope with. I feel as though I could just go out on my bike & keep cycling & just not come back.
My husband is so good to me & tries so hard to make me cheer up. I cry a lot when I always used to be laughing.

I don't really talk to anyone about how I feel although I've mentioned it a few times to my daughter & my husband. They've got stuff they need to be getting on with & they're busy. I don't think my husband knows what to do, I don't think there's anything he can do really.
I'm not a negative person normally but find myself complaining about all sorts of things.
Then I'm racked with guilt because everyones so sweet to me.

Answer 1

You are depressed. Go see a professional mental health worker, who deals in depression.

Answer 2

Hi. I am sorry to hear of your loss and thankfully, I have not had that to deal with. But reading this was like reading my own life story at this time. I will be 52 next month and am going through the menopause. You are not alone as I feel exactly the same way you describe. I too for some unknown reason, feel sad and lonely. I have a loving family and grandchildren whom I adore. Take tonight for instance. My grandaughter is in a school play which I am going to see and the way I am feeling, I could quite easily not go. This just isn't me, I would go to the end of the earth for my family and back, but it is just the way I feel. Last night I even started crying while eating dinner! My husband didn't notice but I have felt like this for a long time. Everything seems too much trouble. I was hoping to cheer you up, but really I am just letting you know you are not alone with the way you feel. Maybe it's an age thing. We are sort of 'in-between' at the moment. Is that how you feel?

Answer 3

Hi ~ I am so sorry that you lost a very close family member last year, and it sounds as if you are going through the different stages of grief. We all grieve in different ways, at different times, but you could go to see a bereavement counsellor to talk through your grief. At your age, you could be on the menopause and usually your periods stop altogether, and if you don't have one in two years you are then at the end of the menopause. I know from experience, and I am 55! Feeling depressed and anxious and not wanting to see people, or not feeling like doing any housework are all symptoms of an underlying depression. I would go to see your doctor, and explain how you feel to him or her. You might need something to help you to get a good nights sleep, and this will make you feel better during the day time too. Sometimes things just pile up and it feels like too much pressure to handle, and everyone feels like running away and not coming back at times! I enjoy cycling too, and it is a good way to exercise and to feel the fresh air on your face. It sounds as if you have a good marriage, and this means a lot to you, and you will want to see your grandchildren, once you feel better in yourself. Take care, and good luck.

Answer 4

I feel so sad that you're feeling like this. Unfortunately you appear to be suffering from depression - triggered by the death of your family member. My best advice would be for you to visit your GP. He will advise on the best course of action for you - probably medication. This will help you - but be prepared for side effects in the first couple of weeks. You have to remember that depression/stress/anxiety is due to a lack of seratonin in the body and this needs replacing - you have to keep these levels topped up. If you didn't want to take the clinical route you could try herbal remedies - St. John's Wort has a good track record - it is licensed in Germany as an anti-depressant but not in this country. Also there are foods which you could eat to help eg. bananas, avocados. Avoid caffeine and alcohol which give you highs - they only make the lows seem even lower.

An important thing to do is think about the good things when you wake up and before you go to sleep at night - you have a fantastic husband, daughter and grandchildren - that's three good things already.

Force a smile - you will instantly feel brighter.

Give yourself something to look forward to - eg a trip to the cinema at weekend, a takeaway, a day out etc.

Depression isn't something you can just snap out of.

Answer 5

if its about the losing the family member, you shouldn't be sad about it, death is a wonderful thing, it marks a new beginning, just because he isn't here right now, or you miss him, we all miss someone, but we will see them, patience. if your sad that maybe he didn't get to enjoy life, hey no worries afterlife is so much better. he if he died in a motorbike crash, that seems pretty exciting, if he was doing something that gave him joy, then i don't see a better way to die. maybe what i said didn't hit the spot for you, or maybe it did, either way you need to come to terms with what happened. you need to think about what would make it ok that he/she died. and it will take time to get the answer, but once you have it, you won't need anything else, in the mean time i recommend watching The Secret, it is a really great movie about the law of attraction, and it shows how what we think about effects what we do. It was a really great movie and it may help get your spark back. i hope this helped.

Answer 6

Sometimes it isn't easy to be positive when you feel down. I do think it takes time to get over sadness and grief and all you can do is get through it the best way you can. If you can keep busy it might help or just going somewhere like the park or grow a plant in their memory. I do believe they are alive in another life and would want you to be happy. Maybe have time once a day to grieve and after that do something for yourself, it could be anything, a walk,a prayer, clean,a bath, it doesn't matter, that way you are giving yourself time to grieve and then you are doing something positive for yourself. Talk to them if it helps. I hope this helps as sometimes you just have to get through it and do what you need to do , not what other people tell you. Best wishes.

Answer 7

wow, you sound a lot like me. I have been this way a lot, where I just dont want to do anything.
I will say that it was a LOT worse before I started this continuous dosing birth control pill (modicon).
I take antidepressants...Have been for 20 years, but it never seems to keep working. Especially in the 2 weeks prior to my period, I would be so deep in the depression that I just couldn't function at all, and constant thoughts of suicide.
The modicon helped a LOT. So it seems my moods were being effected greatly by my hormones. You should talk to you doctor about this. I think your hormones are acting up and affecting your mood. Could be a hormone replacement can help.
HOWEVER, losing a loved one is a total shock to your life and it is important that you deal with your grief.
Ask your doctor for a referral to a therapist that can help you do this.
Your life does not have to stop because your loved one is gone. That is not what he/she would want for you. they would want for you to live on and be happy.

Try getting outside for walks, and just try to enjoy the fresh air, sunshine, etc. and call your doctor ASAP! Dont put it off.

Answer 8

I understand what you are going through. I have manic depression. My mom left me at the age of 7 to be w/ a coke head. After bouncing back and forth I lived w/ my dad. My dad passed away when I was 15. I still feel like he is the only one that understands me. I lived w/ my grandparents (his parents) I was a bad teenager and was really rebellious. Me and my grandfather got close and after he fought cancer for 5 years he died in a car accident.

All I do is ***** all day. I am so negative. I hold everything inside because depression (to me) seems like a weakness. I have so many weaknesses as it is. My boyfriend of 8 years is possibly cheating on me. If it wasn't for my 2 kids I wouldn't be here.

You definitely need to speak to a psychiatrist. I tried to help myself. But it will get worse. Speak to a counselor and I would try to get on medication. I am on medication now. I don't know what I would do w/ out it. But your therapist knows best. PLEASE for you and your family sake, take the first step and see a counselor. It helps to talk to someone looking in from a different perspective! Let me know how things go!

Answer 9

i have lost someone so dear to me too. All i did was pray. And see those people who still needs me like my mom and my bestfriend since they dont have anyone else.

It took me two years to move on and still everytime i think of her it makes me cry.

But then i think of the memories that we had, good and bad. The promises that i made with her and my dreams for her and it make me feel better.

I also think of these things happen for a reason unknown to us.

You need a good friend. Someone who will just hold you and listen to you when you cry. Someone who will not be tired of listening to you about it.

Your close family member is always with you. I remember, that when my sister died, everytime i cry the rain would fall so hard and i know that shes always here.

They will never leave your heart because once they came in there they can never go out.

It is only you that can move on because it is your choice. MOVING on doesnt mean that they will be forgotten.

It is your choice. You are the only one that can make it happen.

Answer 10

Its understandable to feel upset over a loss of someone. Also, this stress and depression can easily be causing trouble with your period so dont quickly relate it to menopause.

There are test (blood work) that can be preformed to see if you are in menopause or not.

I would suggest surrounding yourself with GOOD things - thinks that make you happy - try to get out more - the sun helps - and also, the easiest and best thing - try going to a doctor and having them prescribe you some anti-depressants to get you over this hump in life. It doesn't mean you will always be on them, just to get through the "rough patch."

Answer 11

I am and have been in the same state of mind for a year now.Yesterday I talked to a very close faily member to which I told how i feel and she said "so why dont you take some antidepressant medicine and if not in ur case what other usages they may have?" I have been always reluctant to use drugs .for a year I have taken up Yoga ,meditation, i read psychology books but sometimes I see none of them is working for me.because of my depression I am to lazy to do them well.So i have decided to take some anti-depression
medicine now and I consulted a doctor yesterday .which gave me Citalopram 20 .I guess you have to first try those
mental remedies and then if they did not work start medication.good luck !