My mother should I invite her or no?

Question

My mother and I have had alot of rough times in the past, she doesn't like the man I am going to marry. When I was 14 she kicked me out of the house and chose her then husband over me. Long story short she knew what he had done to me, and still chose him over me. We still fight to this day, infact my last words to her were " your a bit**, drop dead and lose my number!" Do I still have a responsibility to her to invite her to my wedding?

Answer 1

Absolutely not. While this is really a sad situation, there is zero obligation to invite her to your wedding. She made her priorities crystal clear, and unless she has had some kind of awakening, which includes spilling her heart out and apologising to you, then I say that you proceed and enjoy your special day the way you deserve to without the fear of drama. I would hate for anything to be weighing on your mind on that day that doesn't need to be.

Now, if- and I do mean IF, on some level it would mean a lot to you that she be there, then you should invite her. But if the invite is purely for her benefit, then I say no.

Good luck with the wedding. Don't lose sight of the fact that this should be YOUR day to feel special and shine- NOT a day to fulfill family obligations.

Answer 2

Bit of a dilemma.....The fact that you are asking the question makes me wonder if someone is making you feel you should invite her.

Your main responsibility is to surround yourself and your fiance with the people you care about to share what should be the most special day of your lives.

Most weddings have obligatory guests, border line relatives or co-workers that would be insulted if they weren't invited and the couple don't want to deal with the bs of not inviting them so the invite goes out (usually with the hope they'll decline).

Sounds like the major difference here is the likelyhood that your mother may do one of 3 things.
1. Make some kind of a scene.
2. Make you stress over whether or not she may make a scene.
3. Show up and be polite, even if she doesn't like your fiance.

In a perfect world, number 3 would be the only choice,

In that same perfect world she would not have chosen any man over her child.

I'm truly sorry that you have to put yourself through this stress about an event in your life that deserves to be surrounded by love and filled with happiness.

Unless you have a concern that NOT inviting your mother will have any kind of negative or harmful effect on YOUR emotions or mental health. Either on your wedding day or sometime in the future, don't invite her.

This day belongs to you and your fiance. Your responsibility is to enjoy the day.

Answer 3

I am very sorry for your trouble with this. I faced a situation similar when planning my wedding. I didn't have even one family member at the wedding becasue my dad didn't agree with the wedding and if i wanted him to walk me down the isle i could'nt have any family there. So i had my two sisters as brides maids and he did walk me down the isle. It was still hard to have no family on my side there. My husbands family took up all the space in the church though and they are my new family so i felt all the love. My suggestion is to send her an inventation to the wedding and to have her call if she is going to come, then if she calls you can tell her that if she is going to come see the ceremonie she can't make a scene. I told my dad that and he felt really bad that i even thought he would make a scene. He chose not to come to my reception and i am soooo glad. So it would be a good idea to not have her at yours as well, it could be a chance for her to make a toast and make a good day go bad. I hope this helped at all. I hate my mother and haven't seen or heard from her in fourteen years. I didn't have her at my wedding and i don't regret it for a second. I hope that your choice is one that makes both u and your fiance happy becasue once you are married you break from your parents and become one with your new husband. She will not matter as much as your new life will. That is all that really matters.
Good Luck

Answer 4

Don't invite her. Just because someone is your mother on your birth certificate, it doesn't mean she was "really" a mother to you. You don't get the priviledge of being mother just because you give birth to someone. If she treated you like crap and shows no remorse, there's no point keeping her in your life as a negative presence.

My best friend has a similar situation, but she was abused by her alcoholic mom her whole life until she was kicked out at 15. Her siblings "feel bad" for her mom despite what she's done to them and still see her, but my friend has had to overcome a lot of psychological issues and has no desire to keep her mom in her life. She's a lot happier and healthier without her mother there. She won't be invited to my friend's wedding.

I think if you don't have a good relationship with your mom, you don't need to feel like you "have" to invite her. Honestly, if you need to ask the question, you probably don't need to invite her. If she hates your bf, who knows what would happen at the wedding? Has she ever apologized for what she's done to you? If you're still speaking to her the way you are, maybe it's better just to leave her out of the wedding and work on your relationship (if that's what you want to do) later.

Good luck!

Answer 5

I would not invite her.

I would send her an announcement after the fact and leave it at that.

No mother should choose a man over her children and if she does, she's made her choice and now you have to make the choice that's best for you.

Your wedding day should be filled with smiles and happiness and having her there might only cause issues to arise that would otherwise not be present.

Answer 6

I'm sorry that you have to go through a situation like this, but despite all the faults I believe you should invite your mother. Once you invite her know that your part is done. You invited her & it would be up to her to show up or not. If she acts up at your wedding you can ask somebody to kindly escort her out.

Answer 7

I personally would have a hard time inviting my mother if she had done the same thing to me. Your suppose to invite her to the wedding, but if it would hurt you or your man in any way, I wouldn't.

Answer 8

Oh how I truly understand, my mother did the same thing amongst other nasty things to me, only I was 12.

I don't know if I could truly answer this question for you.

but my advice would be for you and your man to sit down and talk about your guest list and bring up all pros and cons.

I know how hard that would be, I'm really hoping that you find the right answer.

This is your special day and I know how important it is to make sure this day goes as planned or better.

I'm going to keep checking in to see what others advice brings you, keep your chin up, its hard I know. =)

Answer 9

I'm sorry you have to go through this. how does your fiance feel about it? if the feelings are still bad, i wouldn't invite her, she may cause a scene at your wedding. anyone that knows you will understand. you need to make sure whatever decision you make, it isn't going to haunt you. do what feels right in your heart. good luck.

Answer 10

been there, done that. maybe our mums are related~lol.
mine chose her men over her daughters every single time. all three of us were abused by her men and she blamed us for it. we were all pre-teens when it happened and we had to live with it for years. she wouldn't throw us out, we were her maids, and we couldn't just leave, we were terrified of her and her threats of what she would do to the others if we did leave.

no, you don't have any responsibility to her what-so-ever. she made her choices and she lives with the results of those choices. its not up to you to make amends.
i decided to invite mine to the wedding even tho i knew it was a bad idea. and boy was it a bad idea.
she caused trouble and embarrassment from the get-go! she didn't like the groomsman who was taking her to her seat so she pushed him away in front of all the other guests. she made disparaging remarks about the bridal parties gowns, makeup, hair-do, as they walked down the aisle. she had them in tears. and when the ceremony began she started talking to everyone around her telling them her version of our life, you know, the 'poor, poor, pitiful me' routine.
my fiance stopped the minister and escorted her out of the church, found the church groundskeeper and asked him to keep the doors closed and not allow her entry. she kicked up a fuss all the way back up the aisle! god it was awful. when he came back down the aisle he thanked our guests for being so patient, apologized to them for the disruption, and before the service continued he went to each of my 'girls' and wiped away their tears and told them how beautiful they looked. he came back to me, lifted my veil and kissed me. he saved the day! that is what everyone remembered, his gallantry.
if i had to do it again, she would not be invited, i would have locked the church doors and posted guards - with guns! in fact our standing joke is if we die before she does, we will have to post guards with guns to keep her away! she'll be there to party!
so, my answer is NO! enjoy your day, your new life, and don't even give her a second thought! and if you ever need to talk send me a message - i'll be here.